We need to hear from scam victims, have you been scammed after joining an online dating site?
Have you received requests for money from someone you met on a dating site but realised it’s a scam before sending money?
Some of the victims stories we are currently receiving are heartbreaking but there is little practical help we can offer to victims after the scam has taken place.
We are currently considering starting a new blog dedicated entirely to educating potential online daters of the dangers and warning signs of scams but before we spend time and money on this project we need to hear from you.
Please leave a comment (or use the “ask a dating question” link at the top of this page) answering these simple questions to help us decide whether such a blog would help people avoid being scammed:
1. Did you do any research online about the dating site you joined before you joined?
2. If you did do research what did you type into your search engine (eg name of dating site+reviews or does “name of dating site” work?).
3. After you joined the dating site did they send any information to you about how scams operate and how to avoid them?
4. Did you read any of the newsletters or admin emails sent by the site, about any topic, or did you just delete/ignore them?
5. Can you think of any delivery method which would have given you information about online dating scams before you joined a dating site or were you just too excited to get started once you made the decision to join a dating site?
We would really appreciate your answers to these questions so we can try to find a way to help people before they are scammed and not just after they have become a victim.
Thanks for any replies we receive. We are currently having a problem with the comments sections which we are trying to fix, so if you try to leave a comment and get a blank page please use the Ask a Dating Question link right at the top of the blog to send your answers by email, because we really need to hear from dating scam victims.
May 30th, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Anki
wow just read your post here, you really could have wrote mine, this guy I am talking to claims to have worked for the army, (nuclear chemist?) says his account was blocked so needed help (which I gave him,) he got a total of about 8 thousand out of me. and I even sent his 16 year old daughter a phone. he told me often that he just wanted to come home to me. 3 dates for his homecoming came and went, each time he went quiet for about 3 or 4 days, before coming back on line claiming to hate himself for the pain he caused.
and now he is back again.
I know its stupid (I am 50 years old for goodness sake) but I really love this guy, and its hard to turn off those feelings
i cry so much at the moment. and the heartache is almost more than I can bear, I feel like going to bed and never getting up again, and even now I have my moments where I am so desperate to talk to him that I will almost do anything to gain his attention.
silly I know
they really do know exactly which buttons to press and how to work you.
I’d like to give you my email address and contact that way but am not sure how to get it to you. ??
thanks again for the support, I couldn’t cope with out it at the moment, being still involved with this guy its hard, he texts and emails me all the time. claiming his undying love
this site has been such a life saver for me (litterally)
thanks
May 31st, 2011 at 4:00 am
Sheila he is out of money that is why he is back in contact with you I know you think you love this man but I can send you to a site and you can get a real glimpse at what he really looks like and then you will be pissed trust me he is NOT the person in the picture he is a ugly Nigerian and either not educated or undereducated who will keep telling you lies to get your Money Cut him off you know he is a SCAMMER leave him with nothing I Beg you CUT off all contact or you will be scammed again Anki has my email address she knows who i am if you like she can give it to you Anki also can direct you to some good support websites that will bring you comfort.
I am so sorry you were scammed in a perfect world all of africa would be banned from using the internet or internet acces would be cut off to all of them I HATE SCAMMERS
May 31st, 2011 at 10:49 am
Hi Anonn
I understand your bitterness but in a perfect world there would be safe internet access for everyone. There are millions of decent hard working Nigerians who use the internet so please don’t tar everyone with the same brush.
June 1st, 2011 at 8:52 am
Sally you are absolutely right what I meant to type is the areas where scammers are known to reside or those with scamming tendencies no mater where the hail from.
July 24th, 2011 at 9:12 am
Sally;
Do you have a place to post picture of scammers on these dating site other than the dating site itself? I know they are using someone else’s picture.
July 26th, 2011 at 7:31 pm
Hi Loralynne
No sorry I just post information about how scams work. If you google romance scam forums you will find a few places to post photos and info.
May 30th, 2011 at 9:12 pm
Sheila! They know exactly which button they should press. Jenn knew I had four children and that I am the grandmother of a little girl of nearly four years when he mentioned about his son, I also have photos of his son who is so incredibly beautiful. I believed in him completely, and whatever my children told me so I took Jenn into defense and always with the excuses. I have spoken out with my kids and I have not hidden anything for them. There has been a terrible time since last Christmas when he was on his way here, but call the day before departure and says he has been robbed of $ 8,500 inside the base. I do not think my life has felt as hard as it did that night when I got the call at work. I understand how you feel right now but I promise you there is help available. We are many who want to help you. Do not give up.
I hope you’ll write me at my email and I hope you’ll start to feel better soon. I think Sally has my address, and she will gladly give to you. Hugs from Anki
May 30th, 2011 at 11:24 pm
Anki, I have passed on your email address to Shiela .. thank you xx
May 30th, 2011 at 11:28 pm
Hi Sally! Thanks and hug
May 30th, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Sheila! The second time, yes I have sent him money a second time on the same amount. When it rings on my mobile one and a half hours before he was to land at the airport here at home and the person declares that Jenn has been arrested with drugs in his luggage at the airport in Oslo, Norway. He has asked me for help with money again, for him to get his records. The answer I gave him was if he is sick in the head.
May 31st, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Anon
yea I know he is a scammer just after my money, willing to tell me what ever lie I want to hear if it gets him what he wants.
I actually don’t hate him, but I do hate what he is doing.
i don’t see myself a person who judges, my best and most trusted friend is a black american on death row (its a long story), i have another friend who is a black african who escaped there during the horrid fighting that went on some years ago..
but i have never encountered anything like this before.
i know he is not who he claims to be, and I know he doesn’t care for me one bit, and I should cut all ties with this guy, but you know this is so hard. how do you switch from loving some one with all your heart (even if it is a scam) to not caring one bit.
i sit here often and cry,
i do not love the scammer no, but I do love the image he painted for me..
thanks for the support, I am very grateful for all I can get.
June 1st, 2011 at 8:54 am
Sheila My heart aches for you i can feel your pain in the words you type I pray that you find peace please be easy on yourself all you are guilty of is being capable of both trust and LOVE..
June 2nd, 2011 at 7:34 pm
Anon
thankyou very much, I just feel like “why me”?
I go onto a dating site to find a true honest person, see someone I like and I actually buzz him, and what do I get??
pain and heartache beyond words..
and even now that I know the truth, I still find it hard to accept, and i still go on hoping I am the one exception, that my man is real
i love him still, and its so hard to just walk away
i gave him my heart..
now I must find a way to accept the man on the photo is not who I am talking to.
I can’t even begin to put into words how I feel
I don’t hate him,
both Sally and Anki have my email address, feel free to email me.
and thankyou so much for your kind words..
the support I have found here is incredible and helps so much
June 4th, 2011 at 3:29 pm
pain
I am in pain, emotional pain like no other,
my man is a scammer, all he wants is my money, the lovely words, the romance, its all a game to him, yet it is tearing me apart,
the truth should make you stronger yes?? should make it easier to turn away and ignore him?
so why isn’t it?
why do I still miss him, why do I sit here and cry
why do I look at the man on the photo’s and still hold onto an ivisable strand, a last straw of hope
dispite knowing the truth, why do I still make exsuses for him, and hope against all hope he prove everyone wrong, and make me happy
why does this hurt so much
why can I not just hate him and move on
why do I still care so much
why do I love
sheila
June 4th, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Hi Sheila
I am sorry to see you in so much pain. The answer is very boring I’m afraid …. desperate desire. You are clinging onto what you desire, the fantasy you have lived in for months, the safe bubble of love he created.
I bet if new borns could speak and you asked if they wanted to remain in their safe warm bubble of goo or come out into the cold hard world, they would choose to stay inside. You are simply doing the same thing and some victims do feel that way.
You need to start recognising that the emotions you feel now are nothing to do with love for him (as you know he is not real), they are about the love you want to receive … therefore are about you and your desire to be loved. That is perfectly natural, we all feel it at times but allowing yourself to feel pain in order to not let go is not the right thing to do.
Time to cut off all communication and deal with the wall of pain … you WILL get through it and life will be ok on the other side.
Big hugs.
June 4th, 2011 at 8:19 pm
thankyou
I have done alot of thinking over the last few days, trying to make sense of all this, and you know its not the money that hurts,
yes I have lost alot of money, and I have to live with that,
but in a way thats not what hurts me,
what hurts so much is having to face the fact that I am in love with a nobody, I am in love with a person who doesn’t even exsist,
i gave my heart away and it has been trampled on, crushed and thrown away. and even now he contiues to feed me lies, lies I accept because I feel such a need for him.
the money I will get over in time, and I will live with and move on from. I will not starve.
but the heart break, that is something else..
I am not a stupid woman, I consider myself sensible, I do not trust easily, and I didn’t think I was weak and nieve.
but still I fell for a love scam, I was drawn in, and I gave my all.
I gave away my heart,
yes I know your right, I must cut off all ties, but oh dear that is so hard, you know what, its almost like an addiction. a need.
when I think of not talking to him, of ignoring him, I actually feel quite panicky, and anxious.
I am 51 years old for goodness sake, why is this so hard.
July 9th, 2011 at 6:44 pm
Hello Sheila,
I am 54 but I try and look on the bright side, I have lost a lot of weight, I now look 20 years younger… my heart still hurts but I am moving forward… I am not letting this beat me… I am trying to talk to other men on the dating site, little by little I am moving forward, we are all here for you
If you want to email me I assume you can if Sally agrees
regards
Wendy
June 8th, 2011 at 3:29 pm
I started talking to a man I met on Tagged and he claimed to live in in Florida, was widowed (of course) and he had finally decided to move on with his life. We chatted for a couple of days then he suddenly had to go to Africa for a big business trip. (another red flag) He had only been there a little over 12 hours when I get an urgent message from him that he was in the hospital after being beaten up and robbed. Of course he then hit me up for $1750 dollars to buy clothes, pay his hospital bill, etc. Of course when I told him I didn’t have that kind of money he wanted to know how much I could get! Yet somehow he could use a computer to instant message me, supposedly bought a phone on credit and send me text messages. Then he told me he couldn’t believe I was turning my back on him. LOL Said he told the American Embassy I was his fiancee. (thats an even bigger laugh) Said they were flying him home to where I live in 3 days. (sure) These scammers will tell you anything to convince you to send them money. They try to convince you that you are the love of their life, they want to relocate where you are, etc. Don’t believe anything they tell you. Thank you Sally for putting this site on here, it has saved alot of problems for many of us who are trying to find love.
June 9th, 2011 at 3:25 am
We need to start sharing photos of these scammers. Also, I would
Really like to know how to go about reporting them, if that at all is
an option. Please respond…i too cant believe what extent they can
and will go to. Im ashamed of what has happened.
June 9th, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Hi Sincere One
Who you report it to depends what has happened. If you met on a dating site report their profile to the dating site, same with facebook.
If you sent money you need to contact your countries police. Try to find the fraud department of your police to report it to.
Please don’t feel ashamed, decent intelligent people are scammed every day.
June 10th, 2011 at 3:55 am
Thanks Sally for the avenues. Has anything been done with anyone
being caught? What did u think about sharing the pics of these
people so that no one else could get caught up with this fraud? Will
that help at least?
It just seems to me that who would care that I met someone that
won me over and had a story out of this world that also showed a cute
pic of a child on a Amtrak Train.
With these dating sites it seems to me if these IP addresses are coming
from these countries should be some extra things that they would
have to meet before putting up a site.
There use to be time that a crook would not take out time to spend
his own money. Which would I guess make u think that u couldnt possibly
think of something like this happening.
I dont even know anymore….These conversations sounded so real. So much to
the point almost all our conversations were kept on IM messenger. Outside of the phone
calls that were made.
Reporting this would also put my life really out there as open
book. Being victim twice over.
June 10th, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Hi Sincere One
I am currently looking into a new wesite/forum where victims can post photos and all the information in one place.
Reporting it to the right people is the key. If you just go to a local police station they may have little sympathy for you but if you go the fraud police they are fully aware of how good these scammers are and how easily women get caught in their fantasy.
Whether they can do anything to catch him will depend how much information you can give them. If you sent money by Western Union it is very difficult to trace because they use fake ID’s to collect the money but if you sent it to a bank account they can trace it. The fraud department should also offer you victim support, to understand how this happened to you and that you are not to blame in any way.
A young scammer in Ghana was given 19 years in prison and ordered to pay his victims back everything he could. So these frauds are taken very seriously and police forces around the world will work together to catch them.
There is no reason for your life to be an open book. The police are not going to publish what happened to you and they only it can be reported is if you go to the newspapers and tell your story. There isn’t even any need for your family or friends to know … although you should tell someone in order to get some support and be able to talk about it when you need to.
June 11th, 2011 at 12:03 pm
I too have been scammed. At least that is what I think. I suspected for a while but fell for it anyway. Is there a place you can check for the aliases and photos?
June 12th, 2011 at 10:15 am
sincere one
just wanted to say i understand what your going through and how you feel, I have been scammed more than once, there is no shame in it, we have done nothing wrong. these people know exactly what they are doing, and they are very good at it too. I was completely hooked, and even when I suspected something might be wrong I went on making excses for him, i still find it painful, but I am trying to use my grief and frustration for something productive.
I was very afraid, but I managed to find the courage to report it.
i found the secret is keep everything, (texts, chats, emails the lot) even when they seem unimportant, it is amazing what can be extracted from them. some of my messages were intimate and personal, but they have heard it all before, and handing it all over has had an amazing effect, and I am happy that I have saved other women from being victims (at least from one scammer).
don’t worry what other people think or say, i know its hard,
i consider myself very careful, sensible and not at all nieve or stupid, but I fell for his lies, and I gave him my heart as well as money. and then managed to fall again!!
he is the one who should be afraid and ashambed not you..
i have had a very hard four months, but I have found that focusing on reporting him and using what i have to try and help others had really helped my healing process.
and finding my way here has been my salvation
without this site and sally, I would likely still be falling for his lies.
thanks sally, you really do help more than you realize.
July 6th, 2011 at 10:23 pm
Hi Sheila Wood/
I have just read through all your posts and I’m delighted you seem to be growing stronger. Believe me, I was (still am!)completely heartbroken after my contact with my deployed ‘soldier’. I have found other sites which post photos of what the real scammers look like and that is a huge reality check, helping you you to disassociate from the person in the photos you believe you are in love with.
I too am an intelligent and professional women, 1st time on a dating site. Your pain mirrored my own
I had to force myself to stay off the computer and focus on other tasks to stop myself from speaking to the perpetrator. My last conversation was to confront him about the scam. I have saved this transcript and would be happy to pass on a copy on to you or anyone else.
The heartache does ease, and by sheer determination, I made contact with the real soldier who has thanked me from one victim to another.
Remember, God does not wear pyjamas – he sees everything and these scammers will reap what they sow!
Stay strong.
July 14th, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Who did you report it to? I am right in the middle of a scan and think I have enough info that whatever force there is could really get this guy.
I don’t want to let this b*stard get away. Please reply soon, and “fraud police” is not enough info.
Thanks
July 14th, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Hi Cindy.
I contacted the US embassy in London and spoke to the defence attache. They are very helpful and will give you 2 website addresses – 1 in the UK and the other in US this can be reported to.
Unfortunately if the scammers originate and are living in some part of Africa, for example Nigeria r Ghana, they do not have the jurisdiction to make an arrest. However I do believe they are able to report to the relevant governments in the said countries who are starting to take notice and action against these b*stards.
June 15th, 2011 at 3:15 am
Watch out for Steven Gaffney he is very active.
June 15th, 2011 at 3:19 am
Steve Gaffney claims to be widowed as his wife died giving birth to their daughter. He will give you a package_carrier_4all@hotmail.com to send his specialized care package to. He is posing as an army soldier who is getting out in 2 months.
June 20th, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Just need an opinion. I’ll give you the highlights. My friend was contacted on facebook by a Nigerian man. He was very upfront with where he was. After three days they were talking dirty, after a couple more days he sent her a relationship request. after a week he was professing love and marriage and children on her page. She has seen him on web cam. All of him. He has seen all of her. She has never sent money that I know of, but she has sent numerous gifts. They chat from the time she gets up when she’s at work, when she gets home until she goes to bed. For 8 months now. She lost her mom a year and a half ago, he has also lost his mom. She does not have a very good relationship with her dad, and he does not have a good relationship with his dad. He told her he watched her on faebook for about a month after sending the friendship request and then decided to chat with her. Matbe two days after starting chat with her on facebook they swithched to yahoo messenger, where he set up a yahoo account for her so they could chat with web cam. His yahoo id negro4real@yahoo.com the yahoo he set up for her his last name and her first initial. also set up a skype account for her her first name and his last name. He calls her his wife. After getting to know her he blocked his facebook page. I set up a fake person on facebook to try to catch him but instead got his brother. Who asked my fake person for money. She is now talking with atleast 4 of his friends and the brother, and the uncle, who is going to help him with money to get here. He has asked her to write a sponsor letter to help him get his visa.Now knowing just that, do you think this is love. Or is she being scammed for a green card?
June 21st, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Hi No Way
What sort of visa is he asking for? Is it a fiance visa?
It could be love but I doubt it, he simply wants to get to a rich country. That is not to say he would not make a good husband for her but they tend to be a lot more practical than we are and a majority of such marriages end the moment he gets indefinate leave to remain. They usually see it as a deal, he gets the opportunity of a lifetime and she gets a husband.
One thing you need to understand is their view of Western women, they think we are all desperate and can’t get a man for love nor money. So they see nothing wrong with such an arrangement.
Of course he could also simply be waiting until the visa process starts and then he will need ticket money, BTA, etc … only time will tell.
June 20th, 2011 at 6:13 pm
i too am in process of checking emails addresses yes it hurts but being real is important going to face it head on see what becomes of it yes ladies be aware of your choices, seeking all info , on them before you give your money . it heart breaking ladies and dealing with illness of parkinson too, hows that for a person to lower them selfs to this kinda of abuse feel for you all my hearts in the right place, like yours just got lonely needed someone in my life, ok well time to build that bridge get over it lol! gotta have a humor left broke no joke but it happenes , sally, would like to get a background check site going to help these ladies, and men not be used like this or leaveing it open to hurt others. need help getting one going to help thanks sally for letting me say what my side of my story . god bless you all
June 22nd, 2011 at 4:55 am
You have to be so strong sheila, dont be so hard on yourself, you were an innocent victim. I could have been a victim myself but I listen..I listen closely to that little voice inside me that say…”hhhmmm, somethings not right” So listen to your voice inside you ladies no matter how bad it hurts, that little voice is always right! Good Luck to everyone and always remain strong.
June 22nd, 2011 at 1:59 pm
He asked for a fiance visa maybe a month into their relationship. he asked her to marry him a month into their relationship. he calls her his wife. there are just to many simularities to scammer stoiries and red flags. i got a list of some questions for a fiance visa and chatted with him one day. he knew the answers to most of them. he sits there with no job, smoking pot and drinking all day. oh i found him on twitter using our home town as his location, he has 4 different names he uses, and two people he’s connected to have asked me for money and one of his friends told me he loved me and to do visa research for him. thank you for your opinion it is valued,and respected.
July 1st, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Hi No Way
Can you tell us his names so others can be warned please.
June 23rd, 2011 at 5:53 am
Hi,
I was really scammed last year by someone going by the name Jeff Torrence10@yahoo.com, he was suppose to be an engineer and 14 days after we started talking he had to go work on the airport renovations in Cape Town S Africa, then it started first he had a taxi accident and was in hosp., then, needed money to fly home, one thing aftr the other, he claimed he was royalty and lived in Georgia USA., all lies, but in just a few days was ready to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, he even wanted me to cash in my daughters college fund. He was suppose to be a business owner but had no one to contact or anyway to get money sent to him. I got scammed for sure but I got over it fast and my best friend’s brother is high up with the FBI, I gave them everything and reported to everyone I could to catch this S. African SOB.
Then I went on Christain Mingle and thought I had met a real nice guy from NY., he goes by derekhoffmn 58@gmail.com, but I played his game too, just to catch up with him, he finally called me the call was a 3 way call from California with a real bad connection, then a second call came, and he said a couple of words and I knew by the accent he was a liar and scammer and reported him too, to Christain Mingle and the feds, hope they catch and bust them both, hope this helps others, we have got to stop them from preying on innocent women, I have a child to raise and I am not desperate, but some of you ladies are crazy to keep this scam going, they are never coming to you, all they are doing is laughing at you all the way to the bank, and they use a script in a sweepstakes cafe so they can’t be caught and a different computer everyday., wise up and they will eventually bust them. There are plenty of good honest people out there really looking for love not what they can get off of you, I am getting off all sites since they are even on the Christain sites. If they go there none of this on site dating is safe meet someone local and enjoy, and be safe from all this fraud….
June 28th, 2011 at 11:27 pm
I WOULD LIKE TO WARN PEOPLE OF DATING SITES SCAMMERS LIKE MAKEFRIENDSONLINE.COM…. THEY SEND YOU AN EMAIL OFFERING YOU A PROMOTION WHICH CONSISTS IN HAVING 1 MONTH PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP FOR ONLY £1.00…. BUT THIS IS NOT TRUE BECAUSE WHEN YOU PAY THEY TAKE FROM YOUR CREDIT CARD AUTOMATICALLY THE FULL PAYMENT OF £24.95 AND AFTER THEY REFUSE TO REFUND YOUR MONEY.
June 29th, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Hi
Hmmm Have I been scammed. Lets just say it never fails to amaze me of these guys persistence. I have been on a dating site 8 months and the number of potential scammers is well into double figures. I am over 50 and a professional and an ideal target. How many near retirement Sgt Majors are there in Iran!- the mind boggles – about one a week on a slow week. Then there are the poor lost souls (generally Italian- think its something to do with being Catholic) fantastic businesses, but not in a good way, Archeologists, Goelogists, Industrialists and the man who made flight simulators in a factory with no staff. All abandoned to a sad and lonely existence with the dearest of children because their wives were killed in tragic accidents. Quite frankly, really, dont drive a car in Italy the mortality rate is mortifying. All of them tootling off to obscure bits of Africa to peddle their wares and fall into a coma. And the soldiers with children who will soon meet with costly misfortune.
Was I bitten – yes twice by two scammers using the same scam. I think it was the sense of utter disbeleif and mild desperation. The first, the Italian Archeoligist was a quick on the draw – a couple of weeks into the site. He was Oh so charming ‘I love you darling – God has brought us together’ and I fell for it hook line and sinker. Well why wouldnt I, the man wrote poetry and I was a newbie, just emerged from a bitter past and naive to the point of embarrassment. And his investment was phenominal – weeks of texts, phone calls, emails every day without fail. I was on cloud nine. I actually cried for him when he was ‘hurt’ the guy was a phenominal actor. I drove the 200 miles to heathrow airport and waited breathless with anticipation when he sent me a copy of his first class air ticket home. He never arrived obviously. And he had back up. His mate who posed as the doctor. I kind of overlooked the dodgy accents but was moderately dubious when the doctor asked the patient to confirm the bill and they sounded suspiciously like a couple of miscreant schoolboys. Eventually I bartered them down from £900 to £400 pounds, still beleiving it was true, then the kind man from Western Union suggested I might like to think about it. My refusal to my semi comatose Italian was met with the most unloving of comments and 2 days later I was myself again, rational and not at all in love. Funny that!
Today I have just challenged an Italian soldier in Iran, all alone in the world but for his son and so terribly in love wih me, but so unable to answer simple questions and cope with difficult issues and asked me to pay his phone bill. I have sent him an extract on ‘how to avoid the sodier scam’. Will I hear from him again – hmmm let me think. And I am waiting to find out if another Italin, a Geologist with his own business and all alone in the world, is going to return from his trip to Turkey in one piece.
These people work from a scammers handbook with a pre written script which they repeat endlessly. They close down their subscriptions to the dating website once they have you offsite so you cant trace them and soldiers will quiz how many other soldiers you have spoken too. The competition is fierce out their in Iran. It is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel to spot them. I live in hope that one day one of them might be a genuine guy, but they revert to script and familiar MO so quickly. I suppose it has become a game of cat and mouse, disappointing amusement for the over 50′s. Sometimes i could indulge myself twice daily in the ritualised torture of these poor unfortunate souls. And they just keep coming.
Ah well the course of true love is hard and frought with dangers.
Be sensible girls – if it feels at all wrong – it is. Dont doubt your, instincts be hard nosed. If they are genuine they will get over it and will return to you in person with genuine reasons to beleive them and a bunch of dahlias. Just be sure they dont lose their wallet on the way to see you – Ooh shame that, hope you came in your own car, cos mines going in the opposite direction and I left the engine running.
Happy fishing.
June 29th, 2011 at 3:10 pm
I was recently contacted by a Gabriel Curtis, civil engineer, American by birth, living in Australia, but working in Malaysia. Went under the name of ‘HeartofGold’ with yahoo dating. Smooth talker,promise of a never ending relationship.Photos and all. He eventually asked me for $100,000 to pay for a contractors licence.I gave him not a brass razoo. Last time I looked he still had a profile on dating site even after contacting them to let them know he was a ‘scammer’. When I first spoke to him on the phone and queried his accent he told me that his mother was Italian and his father a diplomat and he had grown up in Italy. I doubted his story at the beginning. It is great there are websites/blogs like this. Thanks!
June 29th, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Hi
Sorry, pressed submit then thought maybe I should add a few more salient comments.
The site I use is highly reputable and well known, they boast a good success record. I joined on the recommendation of family who had found a husband there and others who had. I will point out that not a single husband was found outside the UK.
The site offers no warning of scammers. I read the advice literature hidden on the site and found nothing. I imagine it constutes horrendous PR, but I have found other websites are more forthcoming with advice, but not on this subject. When I challenged the help line to report the abuse they could not help without an identity and I could not offer them one because the guy had suspended his subscription. The only advice they offered was not to be dragged off site. Sound advice, but it can be a bit obstructive. I spent an awful long period just turning guys down because they would only talk off site and I did find a very genuine guy by accepting his offer to talk elsewhere. It is not a hard a fast track to successfully fending off the bad guys.
Did I think bad guys existed – no. The concept of a scam was totally foreign to me and I was a trusting soul.
What I did do was start to copy profile information and first approaches of any guy I suspected as being a scammer, or just an unsavoury character for that matter. The intention being to report them should my suspicions proved correct. However it soon became plain that I was going to have to let these shadowy individuals play out the entirety of their game and that could take weeks of playing along and getting embroiled in what is essentially emotional blackmail.
I have poilce in the family and I was quite disturbed by the lack of enthusiasm to take proactive legal action. The problem is that it is all a bit messy, it involves convoluted investigation for what was, in my case a pretty small amount of cash that never changed hands.
The answer seems to be to deflect them. To not be a victim. In theory it would work but it needs mass communcation and heightened awareness to make it have any lasting effect. Victims are embarrassed, I know I was, I felt stupid.
All I can do is watch for the familiar MO and research the facts they give as best you can. If they live in the UK – search the phone directories and resident polls. If you dont find them they dont exist.
The other defence of course is to recognise yourself as a target not a potential victim and be ultra careful.
Regards
July 1st, 2011 at 9:45 am
i had similar experience — i have all the documents — i can help you girls
July 3rd, 2011 at 1:36 am
I was just scammed out of $585 over the past three months and yesterday it what was left ouf my check.I actually fell for what i thought to be the man of my dreams.He found me on cupidsplay.He asked me to trust him and i did,even poured my heart out to him and when i said id send him money he kept asking me to send alittle more.I am so ashamed I cant even tell the people closest to me what I did.I used to be a very happy lady but not anymore.I just lost trust in everyone…and get this he used his own son as a pawn to get to me.All Ive doing is crying for two days.Said he needed money for BTA couldnt board the plane without it was supposed to fly out to see me but never showed.Said also he would call me when his plane landed and didnt so i texted him and asked him how can he do something as heinious and rip me off and called him a S.O.B and still no reply.I neede to try and get my money back.Please help me!!
July 4th, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Hi Cheryl
I wish there was a way to help but I’m afraid your money is gone and your heart is broken. It’s a hard lesson to learn but trust nobody you meet on the internet until you meet them in real life or you can be 100% sure they are who they say they are.
I got an email today from a friend saying she was stuck in Madrid and had been robbed. Logged into Facebook and she was pleading for help … I said no problem give me the hotel name and I will pay your bills and buy you a flight home …of course she wanted it wired!!! So I asked how we met and the story was pathetic .. the truth is she and I have never met in person. Her email account has been hacked and the ip goes back to Nigeria and her FB has been hacked too.
Am telling you this to show that even if a friend or family member asks for money on the internet …. CHECK IT OUT.
July 3rd, 2011 at 1:45 am
Oh yeah my scammer goes by the name of passionsoul88@yahoo.com supposedly of Dover Ohio
July 3rd, 2011 at 2:09 am
I just lost over $500 to the man who i thought was right for me and to think i used to be a happy go lucky lady along with a trusting soul but he took that away from me along with my heart.Fed me so many sob stories boo hooing to me over the internet and texting me.I am very ashamed of what I did and cant tell anyone.I will never trust another man as long as I live,Him wanting more money.Is there any chance of getting my money back.I do have copies of all 3 western union papers.I didnt think I would ever fall victim to a scammer.I feel so violated like Ive been raped and no money to speak of.And its a good thing i paid my bills but left me broke.
July 4th, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Cheryl there is NOTHING to be ashamed of. People are scammed every day, for love, business and even governments have been scammed. These conmen are often very good at what they do.
Please tell a family member or friend, they may say you were silly but they will support you.
Saying you will never trust another man as long as you live is not the right attitude, all the men in the world didn’t scam you. There are millions upon millions of good honest people in the world. You simply made a mistake and didn’t know the signs to look for. Learn about scams and find a real man OFFLINE, whom you have met in person and the trust will come back.
July 7th, 2011 at 12:47 am
Hi..I am being scammed as I write. Met a man 4 months ago, comes from the Ukraine, doing business in Malaysia and got caught there. promised me the earth, but needed support. Which I have given him, $12,000. 3 times he has promised to come to Australia, 3 times he has never come. The 4th time is happening now, but now it is different, he really wants to come now and confess to me his past, which is not good. He loves me, or so he says and I am his only reason to live. I actually love him too and when I try to stop his phone calls and I ache for him, I get this huge whole in the pit of my belly that just screams at me. I miss talking to him, laughing with him. I have even had him investigated, internationally and everything has come back that he is part of an international Malaysian scamming ring, but he denies it and gets so hurt whenever I accuse him of scamming. I am just about to go and change my telephone number so that he will stop calling me. Yesterday he called me 20 times because I had my phone on silent and didn’t pick up. Then I relinquished because he had to tell me about his plans in person, then I was hooked again. I have just alienated my son. I am a healthy energetic trusting person who has been totally sucked in because I just wanted someone to love me as I was.
July 10th, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Hi Penelope
NO, NO, NO. You say “but now it is different, he really wants to come now and confess to me his past” … this is a LIE. It is simply another form of psychology to get money out of you .. the ‘I’ll tell the truth and get your sympathy’ type of psychology. DO NOT fall for it.
You are doing the right thing, change numbers, stay away from the computer or block every contact you do not know in person … ensure he cannot contact you again and suck you in.
Your son will forgive you, just explain your feelings and apologise for not trusting his judgement. He may think you are daft but just get him to read some of the stories on this blog so he can see how many intelligent women get scammed.
July 7th, 2011 at 12:49 am
His name is Scott Gamula. Met him on Match.com, he has a Yahoo email account, prepaid phone and Western Union ID…what a joke.
July 8th, 2011 at 11:51 am
Hi Sally
I blocked and cleaned up my laptop and in so doing silly me deleted your email address, so I’m saying Hi, and I can’t mail you cos I lost your address lol lol
hey but on a good note I did block and ignore, been greg free now for about 3 days, oh boy does it hurt, cried all day the first two days, I miss him so much (stupid I know) but hey time to move on, this scammer is out of my life.
in the last 24 hours I have been approached by no less than 3 scammers, I know how to recognize them now, what am I a magnet or did he sell my address for the money he couldn’t get out of me anymore
thanks for all your help
hugs
July 10th, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Hi Sheila
Good to hear from you. Yes he will no doubt have added your email address to the victims list, so no you are not a scammer magnet. If you are finding so many scammers on the dating site you are using then you need to change dating sites in my opinion. Find one for UK residents only (these block non UK ip addresses, so not totally secure and scammer free but much safer).
However you can now regonise them and not even begin that journey again …. YAY.
July 8th, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Hi everyone,
Thank god I have found this site, I have replied to Diana, who has received virtually the same email as i received with some moderation. I have, for the last two months been trawling these sites to find some confirmation, not that i didnt know it myself, but nevertheless, I needed some confirmation that i had truely been scammed..
My family and friends dont understand the way I feel, the loss of a love I thought I had found. Simply an overwelming love and a life that was going to be so wonderful.. Clever wasnt he.. am I stupid, I know I am not, thankfully if it wasnt for these sites i would feel very alone. Why dont these dating web sites come with a health warning when you join.. and why.. when they realize that they are scammers do they not contact the members who have been contacted by these nasty evil little schisters.
I am still two months down the line still not over it, I wish I could just move on… why cant I? I am rational about it, I know it wasnt real and it is what you say, a realization of a love I long for but is still isnt easy… if I am honest, if he asked to meet me face to face I would go, and I hate to say this, but it is true.
Look forward to hearing from you
July 10th, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Hi Wendy
No you are definately not stupid. I have just been dealing with a lady who was scammed out of thousands of pounds and even when the police told her it was part of a huge scam ring she still clung onto the hope that he would turn out to be genuine.
She only got over it when she created a second profile and contacted him … of course he told both of them (both her) that he was in love and going to marry her etc. That was her wake up call but it doesn’t mean the feelings just disappear overnight.
Your problem is you haven’t had that final wake up call that takes you from hopeful to just plain angry. You also thought you had something you desire deeply so of course that will leave a gaping hole in your heart until it heals with time or you can fill it with a real love.
There is no magic wand I’m afraid, it takes time and something to move you forward.
July 9th, 2011 at 6:36 pm
I am afraid this is an after thought but i was reading previous entries and one lady said she had webcamed her friend… I also had webcam from this man, it was the man in the photo..white in the same room where the pictures were taken, this is how he convinced me of his origin.. can this be fixed or tampered with.. please does anyone know..
regards
Wendy
July 10th, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Hi Wendy
Yes indeed webcams can be faked too, there is actually software to do it. There is also software to change your voice, so a man can sound like a woman and vice versa …. believe nothing on the internet until you have solid proof!!
If you are chatting on webcam ask them to write something strange on a piece of paper and hold it up for you to see.
July 10th, 2011 at 3:31 pm
thanks Sally
better still stay away from dating sites, thats my new moto lol lol
bye bye internet welcome real life hahaha
and now I am just plain mad at the scumbag for all he has put me through
but hey he is history..
blocked, gone, out of my life
took me 6 months mind you, and a lot of tears and heartache but I got there in the end
thanks for all your help Sally
I really could not have moved on so quickly without your support..
July 10th, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Am delighted I could be of some help Sheila.
Let me know when Mr Right turns up
July 10th, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Sally thank you so much for your support and the comments from the girls..I feel I have been looking for this site for the last two months… I shall mend and go forward and not backward.
How can something that isnt tangible be so destructive.
regards
Wendy
July 11th, 2011 at 6:45 am
I will Sally
but hey after the last few months I am in no hurry I can tell yu oyu lol lol
July 19th, 2011 at 9:40 pm
Hello again,,, I dont believe it.. has anyone heard of Michael Ramos Blackstone, US Military, I am not sure but i think i have a connection with this soldier and a very normal looking english guy on dating site,
July 20th, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Can’t find anything on that particular name Wendy but be careful, I have found that Mike Blackstone is the creator of Air Combat USA … coincidence or rip off?
July 22nd, 2011 at 9:25 am
Hi Sally, got the spelling wrong, Michael Ramos Blakeston, sorry I am sure that I’ve seen his photo on scam sites
July 22nd, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Hi Wendy
Just looked him up on FB … have seen those photos before but using a very different name. Can you report him to FB please.
July 20th, 2011 at 5:35 pm
HI LISTEN TO THIS LADYS , SALLY! ITS MOLLY YES I DID A LOT OF RESEARCH ON KELVIN RAMOS THE FOOL STILL TRYED TO GET TO ME !!!! WELL HE GOT A EAR FULL OF WHAT HE DESERVED ALIAS THE TWO RAMOS I KNOW ABOUT ARE THESES TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE THE ARE THERE ALIAS PHILIP RAMOS, JOHN RAMOS, RICHARD RAMOS, GEORGE RAMOS, RALPH ARON RAMOS, ARRON RAMOS, MIKE RAMOS CHIRSTHOPER RAMOS .ARRON PERRY RAMOS, TONY RAMOS, THOMAS RAMOS, STEVE EWIN RAMOS ,GREG, RAMOS,THERES STILL MORE POST ON DATING SITES UNDER CHAVEZ LAST NAME TOO WANT PIC ? I HAVE TWO ONE ON FACE BOOK ONE ON FILE, GO TO FACE BOOK PULL THESES ALIAS UP YOU WELL SEE NO SHAME LADY THERE COLD HEARTED PEOPLE,I HEARD THESE SCAMERS CELBRATE THE EVENTS OF SCAMING THE AMERCANS AND THERE RUNING THE PLACE LIKE A FACTORY ,WITH A ROOMS FULL OF COMPUTERS SCAMERS AMERCANS,PLEASE DONT FALL FOR THIS TRASH, LOV MOLLY
July 23rd, 2011 at 6:57 pm
I too have been taken by a man who has corresponded to me for over a year. He said he was a petroleum engineer working on a project for the English Military in England. His email address was davidlewis1943@yahoo.com. He said he was a widow with a 15 year old daughter. When he was supposed to finish this project, he told me there had been an accident and a man had been killed and he needed money to continue the project. I said I need proof that this was really the work that he was doing and correspondence proving what the part was that he had with the company in Asia. He sent me a copy of the contract and the email correspondence. I had him sign a loan agreement and wired him the money. He continued to have more problems with repairing this gas turbine engine. My sons found out I was sending him money and just about disowned me for what I have done. I have stopped his emails from coming to me, but I still feel this loneliness and just don’t quite believe that this is not real. I am now seeing a psychologist to help me sort through my feelings. i am trying to start getting involved with different activities to keep me busy. I need to have a purpose in my life and that is hard when you are retired. I hope someone reads this and will not be taken by a scam like this. I met him on Seniorpeoplemeet.com. I have reported him to their site. I hope his profile will be removed. I also sent copies of the wire information to the FBI but I have not heard back from them. It seems like the FBI doesn’t care about this fraud. Is there any place else that I should contact?
July 26th, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Hi Swannie
So sorry to hear you got scammed. It’s not that the FBI aren’t interested it’s that wired money going to a bogus person in the middle of Africa is virtually impossible to trace and costs a small fortune. I do know police fraud departments will take action if you are able to provide bank details (that check out and they can trace to a confirmed individual). However these scams are so frequent now our police forces would do nothing but investigate them.
Thanks for sharing your story and hopefully it will help others not become victims too.
July 26th, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Hi Sally.
I’m beginning to think I have a sign on my head saying ‘Scammers Come Get Me’!
I have been contacted in the last 2 days by guys – 2 separate dating sites – MlilitaryCupid.com and Sugardaddies – both claiming to be from Texas – both Engineers in the Oil industry.
I saw the signs immediately – poor grammar, looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage. Divorced, 2 children.
1 stated to be half Indlian, half Mexican. This blonde in the photo was clearly neither!
The usernames were Fred & Bt820 respectively.
They both supplied Yahoo email accounts and asked to speak off site.
I responded by asking them to contact me via Skype.
Of course they said they didn’t have this facility. I suggested they download this free option onto their pcs and contact me when this was available.
However, upon checking both sites today, I find that they have both removed their profiles! Bizarre. I hadn’t received photos as I hadn’t supplied my email address, but one poses as a professional body builder. The other had age 51 on his profile but stated he was 49 in the message.
Ladies, beware and stay alert!
July 27th, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Ho Jo
There is no sign on you. International dating sites are full of scammers. Just think about it, it’s their job to sit at a computer all day find women to chat to and con them out of money. So how many cut and paste profiles can they create in 1 hour?
My suggestion is to be realistic and find a dating site in the UK to join, one which stops non UK ip addresses from joining .. it’s not a cast iron guarantee of no scammers but it seriously limits them.
Good that you now look for the right things and recognise scammers, hopefully it will keep you safe in future.
August 10th, 2011 at 6:57 am
Almost conned by Martin Haggard……………..watch out for him!!
August 13th, 2011 at 1:29 am
Here’s another one.. McDonald Williams, says he’s with the US Army deployed in Africa for the UN Army working on a secret mission, obviously not so secret anymore if he told me… He’s in Badooa and looked him up on FB. He’s supposedly widow and has a son 4 years old, I have pictures of both him and his son, but a guy you meet on line wanting to find a serious relationship would never ask you for money. This guy did, first to talk over a satellite connection, whatever that means, supposedly costs around 300 dlls to have it set up, and had to send an email first to phonerequest@usarmy.us, this domain does not belong to the government so obviously I never sent him money through western union, since that didn’t work he wanted money to come back to the US, said he needed to pay a fee and some money for the plane, yeah right, like when you’re deployed the goverment will make you pay a fee to come back if you request a leave. I did a search to see where the emails came from, they came from the UK, Nigeria and Houston… a friend told me the IP address can be manipulated, I don’t know much about that so, who knows. I googled him and I could find nothing whatsover, not sure what kind of settins he has on FB because nothing came out. His email address is donawills137@hotmail.com and mcwillie137@yahoo.com. Then there’s this other guy, his name is Adams, told me the same story, when I told him, seriously?? you have got to be kidding me! hahahaha and confronted him he told me he just wanted to make sure I was real!! I???.. his email address is tessijoke007@hotmail.com. One thing that can alert you besides the money requests is when in their profile all their friends are girls and they only have a few or they give you no access to their information even though you are friends on messenger. Someone who’s got nothing to hide will have other real friends in their messenger and you will have access most likely to some basic information besides just the email address.
This is my first time in an online dating site, and I got very discouraged, luckily I found out on time, of course with the help of friends and instict, so I never sent any money and the “dating” with this first guy lasted,well two months and after I confronted him he pretty much immediately and without any hesitation deleted me from his contact list, after he swore he loved me… yeah right!
Hope my experience also helps anyone out there.
August 16th, 2011 at 12:23 am
katrinagreen80(08/15/2011 6:07:09 PM) : Basic Travellers Allowance
katrinagreen80(08/15/2011 6:07:23 PM) : and it cost much
katrinagreen80(08/15/2011 6:07:32 PM) : $1700
dward04(08/15/2011 6:07:33 PM) : How much?
katrinagreen80(08/15/2011 6:07:40 PM) : $1700
dward04(08/15/2011 6:07:55 PM) : What is that used for?
katrinagreen80(08/15/2011 6:08:44 PM) : Basic Travel Allowance
She was asking for this so she could come back to the US.
August 16th, 2011 at 2:03 am
Hi David
One word for you …… Scammer!!!!
August 17th, 2011 at 2:19 am
Yes she wanted me to send her $900.00 to get the money her father left her in his will. 5.5 million. I told her attorney I wanted to see the digitial file of the will and the bank address and email contact information so I could show it to a Federal Attorney where I work. He refused so I told her he was evil and she continued to state no he is good. I said go to the US Embassy in London and they can help you. I told her I could send money there and she could pick it up but she refused to go to the Embassy because of the fights in London. I told her to call them and all would be okay. She still refused and told me to report her to the FBI if I wanted to and she no longer contact me.She claimed she was a Christian and loved me for being a minister. I could not believe she lied so much to get a minister to assist her but she is so evil. Thank you for reading my last contact with her.
August 19th, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Hi Dr David
I’m afraid scamming is BIG business in poor countries and they will use anything, even God, to get money out of people. At least you realised in time and it’s a hard lesson to learn but trust nobody on the internet until you have proof they are who they say they are.
Very well done on your suggestions of how to get money to her, lessons there for other readers. If someone is genuine and in trouble of course they will go to the Embassy.
August 20th, 2011 at 10:02 am
Kenneth Hurley or Kenneth Hurly
aged 47 lives in Kent Westerham, posted as officer from american army to british army in iraq. widow one child 11 with legal guardian in maryland. Extracted £500 from me very quickly for the child (HUH) i kind of knew it was a scam but just thought on the off chance it was guenuine i paid. Still going on but wont pay another penny.
Real shame he seemed nice, and i was scamable because professional women, small children, christain, just out of relationship and haven’t dated for 20 years.
Odd things to note he asked me to come off the dating website – thus destroying trail back to him. no phone number (because of security!). No family in America so staying in Blighty, so to be demobbed.
What a load of rubbish….
Met through forcesfriendfinder
August 27th, 2011 at 5:58 pm
I was contacted by my first scam daters on Facebook. I have never heard of scam dating before. A man write to me and in only 2 weeks he was deadly in love with me!! I thought here is something wrong but getting along playing his game. I´m not that good at english but I also thought there is something wrong with his english…
So I began to google some thing..
Then he began to talk about he would take a leave ( he claims to be in the us army on mission in sudan) to come see me. It will cost him 650$ to do the application. He now have got the 350.
Then after some days I have to do his application. At the time i know something about scam daters and knew he was such an a……
He ask me to do the application, to borrow him the money. He will pay at the time he was here ect..
I google at lot, found out of a lot and didn`t write to him for a while. Then a couple a days ago he write me again, and was pretty mad at me because i have done the application for him.
Then I found this side and could read how to track where his ip was… Yes somewhere in Dubai!!!
I have reported him and deletede him from my facebook and msn… I was also telling him that I know his is a scam daters and if Im wrong he can use his military email to write to me..
On Badoo there is no warning against these guys og girls…. I have already reported 2 and after that I have not heard from a scammer since.
On badoo I got two good friends in the US. I told them about the scam daters and both men was scammed by women from Poland.
They have being telling their friends about this types..
I hope that we someday can stop these types and I really want to find the right guy telling him someone is using his pics to get money out of poor women… He is also a victim
Does someone know if it is possible to write to the us army with the pics, name where he is ect and they maybe can find this victim to warn him?
August 27th, 2011 at 8:09 pm
I was contacted by a guy through a website for online dating.
We chatted over email for about a week, he would send long really long emails saying what sort of person he was and what he was looking for in a relationship.
Then he told me that he had to go away on a business trip and we would arrange to meet up when he got back.
Got home the night after he had gone and went online and he started chatting and asked if i had read his email. So curious i read the email , that said he had arrived safely and that he needed to talk to me. Gut instinct told me that he was going to ask me for something. Went back to im only for him to tell me he had lost his wallet and all his belongings. bit strange he still had his laptop though. He then proceeded to ask me if he could borrow five hundred quid.
I emailed him and asked if that had been his plan all along, funny thing is i never heard from him again. Oh what a surprise … not.!!!
I still do the online dating thing, but am cautious, often get guys sending me personal email addresses from there first email, my response is usually sorry need to stay on the site and chat.
If your gut instinct tells you something isnt right, it usually is right so go with it and dont ignore it.
September 2nd, 2011 at 11:21 am
Hello All,
Did anyone every heard about Quincy Paolo Maynard, origin from canada, currently living in Malaysia. Im very sure i have been scammed. His email was maynard.quincy@yahoo.com