Online Dating - Does It Work?

People always ask whether online dating works, do people really meet and fall in love dating online. For those that met their partner on an online dating site the answer is clearly yes but many fail to meet someone but why?

The simple answer is “Yes, it does work if you are realistic”, well that was a short post, so I am of to the gym (as if).

However, many people approach online dating with unrealistic expectations and therefore fail to find anyone to have a relationship with. Advertising for online dating sites adds to the unrealistic mental images of online dating.

Think about Match.com and their ‘meet someone in 6 months or you get 6 months free’ guarantee …. wow their site must have a thousand Mr Right’s just for me, woopee!!

The trouble is there is nothing in their terms of use to explain what “meet someone” actually means and the average person will assume it means meet someone you are compatible with and can date long term but the cynic in me doubts that is their meaning.

This kind of advertising leads us into a false sense of reality and anyone joining an online dating site for the first time will be rather disappointed when Mr/Miss Right fails to appear in the first 2 dates.

Online dating takes time and effort, you have to learn how to read between the lines of dating profiles, recognise red flags and usually have a few unsuccessful dates before anyone right for you appears.

Just because someone seems perfect for you online or on the telephone doesn’t mean there will be any chemistry between you.

Take time and keep your expectations low, have fun and make some new friends online but don’t expect that someone special to just fall out of the cyber sky in the first week.

One of my most repeated tips for online dating is to find a site with like-minded people, that way you already share some interests with the other members. If you live in Germany and love skydiving then look for a site based in Germany that specialises in extreme sport enthusiasts. If you live in UK and love the countryside then join a rural online dating site.

Online dating is not rocket science, just choose the right site, chat to lots of people and don’t expect too much too soon.

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The Truth About Affairs - Affection & Sex

In any healthy relationship both affection and sex are required to keep both partners happy and in touch with each other.

Most extra marital affairs begin the same way, the husband doesn’t show enough affection to the wife and the wife withdraws from their sexual partnership. It’s an age old problem within marriages, the boredom factor.

It does not matter whether the husband withdraws affection first or the wife withdraws sex, the result is the same a spiraling emotional black hole.

A vast majority of women need affection from their partner in order to stay in love, they have to be kissed, touched and made to feel loved or they simply have no emotional desire for sex.

The opposite side of this emotional rollercoaster is that a vast majority of men need regular sex from their partner in order to feel or show affection toward them. Withdrawal of sex on the woman’s part will simply lead to frustration, lack of emotional attention and a wandering eye.

It is difficult to keep the magic alive in a marriage and it does take effort from both parties.

The attitude of ‘I should only have sex when I want to but I only want to once a year’ is simply not meeting your partners needs.

Similarly the attitude of ‘why do I have to hug and kiss her, I’m married to her aren’t I’ is going to get you as much bedroom action as an inmate in solitary confinement.

If your relationship has started on this slippery slope then it is time for one of you to take the initiative and start dialogue. Talk openly about why you have withdrawn from your sex life or why you don’t show her any affection.

If your husband only shows you affection as a prelude to sex then you need to get him told, it is possible and preferable to show affection at any time of day or night without expecting it to lead to sex.

Believe me guys if you show affection to the woman in your life on a regular basis she is far less likely to withdraw sex.

In the same vein ladies, if you withdraw sex because you don’t feel sexy or just can’t be bothered expect his eye to start wandering. Most men do not WANT to have affairs, they simply come across whatever is missing at home and can’t resist.

Work on showing each other non-sexual affection, start by just getting more affectionate and see if that does the trick to start a new spark but if not sit down and talk, explain your personal needs and desires.

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4 Ways to tell if your Partner is Smothering You

You walk out of their place, get your key in the car door and your mobile phone sounds you have a new text message ….. it reads “love you and miss you already”.

You talk on the phone for three hours and two minutes after you put the phone down you get a text message saying “did I tell you how much I love you?”.

NOT GOOD ….. this is called smothering. It may seem cute for the first few weeks of passionate lust but is a sign of impending doom.

Anyone who is that dependent upon your attention is going to become a royal pain very quickly, jealousy and neediness are just two of the problems you will face.

Your partner may feel they are just showing you the love they feel for you but how can you miss someone and appreciate their company if they never leave your side for a moment? This is not love, it is needy selfish insecurity and is not a healthy way to carry out a relationship.

To gauge whether you are heading for a serious smothering test your new partner:

1. Next time they call just say “sorry I have to call someone but will speak to you later” … how do they react. Do they huff, think of something vital they HAVE to tell you now or simply accept what you say and say they will wait for your call?

2. Have a night off from them, say you need a night in watching Blue Peter re-runs or washing your hair. Do they call you seven times, find a reason to just pop round or go out with their friends?

3. When you are with them and hear you have a text message or call pretend you haven’t heard it and go to the bathroom. Do they take a quick look to see who is contacting you, actually read the message/answer the phone or simply tell you that you have a missed call?

4. Take note of your own thoughts and reactions. When the phone rings and it is your partner … again …. what is your immediate reaction? Do you think “what now”, “oh no not again” or “great it’s the person I love”.

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