Are you being conned by an internet dating scammer? Read the behaviour patterns of online dating scammers to find out.
Almost every successful online dating scam follows a set pattern of behaviour.
Once scammers find something that works they will use it until people get wise to the scam and then move on to something new.
Unfortunately, as dating scams deal with our most basic instinct (the desire to love and be loved) this old trick is not running it’s course, it still works every day.
Here is the basic behavior pattern of an internet dating scammer, the psychology behind each step and the red flags to look for … learn to read the signs.
The Scammers Approach
They will send a short introductory message as soon as you or they join the site. They will often approach people 10 to 15 years older than they say they are.
They will very quickly (usually in the first one or two messages) want to move off the site and on to yahoo, msn or mobile texting.
If you agree to move off the dating site within 2 days they will remove their profile from that site and inform you they have done this because they know they have found the one they were looking for.
They will explain that English is not their first language so they are slow at typing (in actual fact they take so long to respond because they are also chatting to 4 other potential victims at the same time).
Red flag:
They want to get you off the dating site as quickly as possible .. ask yourself why?
Scammers Cover Story
This is just one cover story but it will give you an idea of how creative they are.
They will begin by telling you they are a business man or woman and are either currently doing contract work in an African country or they are in Europe at the moment but will be travelling to Africa on business soon.
They will usually say they are French, Belgian, Dutch, Italian or whatever because when you speak on the phone it can be difficult to tell what their accent is.
Together
They will chat to you daily and within a week they will tell you they are in love with you, they have been waiting for you all their life, they have dreamed of meeting someone like you and they can’t wait for you to be together.
They are perfect for you, almost too good to be true. Everything they tell you sounds like they read your profile and messages then invented their entire persona just for you (there’s a hint in there).
They will quickly talk of visiting you with a view to moving your relationship to the physical level and will talk of marriage.
Red Flag:
Too much, too soon, never met and nobody is that perfect for you. It’s one of the joys of relationships, we have to compromise and if someone is just “perfect” then you should smell a rat.
First Request For Money
This will usually come after 10 to 14 days of chatting daily and take one of four forms. The request will be in an amount from 1000 to 20000 UK pounds or US dollars (although sometimes much more), they will sound so embarrassed to have to ask you BUT:
- A medical emergency
- Victim of a crime.
- Visa money and flight money to come to be with you.
- A business deal is slipping through their fingers.
The medical emergency will take the form of needing to see a doctor because they are sick or must pay a hospital bill for either them or a close family member. They will say it’s only a loan, someone owes them money and as soon as they get it they will send it right back to you.
The crime will take the form of their wallet/passport/laptop/luggage has been stolen and they are stuck in Africa and need to get home (this may be coupled with the need to pay the hospital bill after the attack).
Of course they have to travel a few hundred miles to apply for the visa, then travel back for the interview and that’s expensive .. the fact that our embassies now accept initial online applications should warn you here. They also need flight money to come to see you, someone owes them money which they could use but they won’t get it back for a few weeks and they just can’t wait that long to be with you. As soon as they get their money back they will send you what they owe you. Others just say they can’t afford it and if you are to be together then can you pay for their flight.
A great deal came up and they have paid 200,000 plus for heavy machinery/gold/precious stones/etc but they are short 20,000. When they are back home they can sell it for more than double what they are paying for it. Their bank doesn’t have a branch over there so he/she can’t get the remaining money wired to them .. can you just help him/her out and they’ll split the profits with you when they get back and sell their purchases.
Please note that in any of these scenario’s if you say you can’t afford the amount they are asking for they will simply ask for less and try to get the remaining amount elsewhere … and yet they had to ask you, a total stranger, for the money.
Any money you send needs to be sent through Western Union.
Red Flags:
1. A business person that travels frequently and goes to Africa without medical insurance .. pull the other one.
2. If they’re a victim of crime why haven’t they gone to their Embassy for help, that’s what they’re there for and they WILL help in such circumstances.
3. They are so desperate to meet you but never suggest you go to meet them when they get back to their home country, just send them money and they’ll come to you.
4. A business person that can’t get to a bank there but was allowed to wander through customs with 200,000 in cash, which they just happened to be carrying in case they fancied a bite to eat .. I don’t think so!!
5. If the words Western Union and internet dating crop up in the same sentence run a mile.
If you Don’t Send Money
If you sound even slightly hesitant about sending money or say you simply can’t afford to, they will suddenly go into fits of remorse for even asking you .. you will get a tyrade of what a dreadful person they are and they will never forgive themselves for asking .. blah blah blah.
Once they are sure you feel really guilty and sorry for them, usually coupled with you saying you really want to help them but … they will start to ask for money again. Maybe you could just lend them a small part of what they need? Do you have a car you could sell?
Documentational Proof
In order to build trust and reassure you that you are not being scammed they will email you documentation to prove they are telling the truth and how much they need.
This may take the form of:
- A hospital bill and letter from a doctor explaining they can’t release his/her passport until the bill is paid.
- A police report detailing the crime and the value of what was stolen.
- A letter from a travel agent explaining the flight has been booked and they await x number of pounds/dollars to pay for the flight or even a copy of the flight booking confirmation.
- A receipt from the business they are buying from detailing their purchase and the amount outstanding. This will often state that if the outstanding amount is not paid he/she will lose the money already paid.
Red Flags:
All of these documents are written in English, even the police report .. how convenient, that means you can read them.
I could produce any of these documents in about 10 minutes with my laptop and photoshop.
You can book a flight online and print off the booking confirmation straight away, then cancel the booking. This is such an effective tool though psychologically because you “see” the flight they are coming on, so it can’t be a con … can it?
It’s all proof of nothing other than their ability to use a computer.
Second Request for Money
If you send any money for a flight it will quickly be followed by a second request.
The most popular of these is the Basic Travel Allowance (BTA).
This is where the psychology of the scam gets you in two ways.
Firstly it gets you emotionally, you desperately want to meet this perfect love of your life or you wouldn’t have sent the flight money (usually 2-3000). They sound so utterly disappointed when they tell you they went to get their visa and the embassy/government/travel agent explained they need BTA money in cash, 800-1000 pounds or dollars, which has to be shown at the departure desk.
Secondly you may begin to smell a rat but you’ve already sent a lot of money, so your brain will be desperately trying to convince you that you haven’t just been scammed (even though in your heart you know you have).
You may decide to cut your losses and break contact but many victims of scams try to give them the benefit of the doubt in the hopes of this person really being the love they are looking for and in the hope they haven’t just become the latest victim of a dating scammer.
Red Flags:
There is no such thing as BTA. Before sending any money for visa/passport/travel requirements check the internet, look at your embassy website and establish what is actually needed and what is just an attempt to part you from your hard earned cash.
I know this all makes it sound very “any idiot could work it out” and in the cold light of day they could but these people are very good at what they do and are very convincing.
Please learn the behaviour patterns of online dating scammers so you don’t become a victim.
May 8th, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Having been successfully scammed in the past by a dating scam from a certain “Jenny Dawn” I now am contacted by a Monica lin Brown who wants me to supply details to transfer $5.3 million out of her country to my bank account! Who is “she” trying to fool? Not me!
May 15th, 2011 at 7:38 pm
I am talking to a guy now and i am just letting him go thru all his scamming crap. I have sent him several things about the BTA and that it is not true but he keeps saying that it is and what is written on the links he stupidly sent me are not true. I have not and will not send him money i keep telling him i am trying my best to get it to him. he then said if you give me your credit card number i can transfer my money orders to that account. do you think i am stupid enough to give him that NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. he has wanted my phone number and all and i will not even provide that. he keeps telling me now that he will lose his flight for tomorrow because i won’t help him. well that is to bad i will not send him shit. i even told him i was in the hospital with a heart problem and all he can say is i am sorry to hear that not saying are you ok or anything else. that is a red flag there also. since i sent him the information i just might not hear from him again which will be good.
May 16th, 2011 at 5:31 pm
CUT OFF ALL CONTACT leave this scammer with nothing
May 10th, 2011 at 1:38 am
You know what Sm i got something last night from western union stating that they are going to pay me the sum of 200,000.00 because of the scam and need 89.00 for processing fee. i cannot belive what these people coming up with, but they dont fool me anymore. I got wiser now.
July 21st, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Hi GeeGee,
Oh wow! I got those letters in the mail. Someone over in africa was passing my name around to have them send me their money. One dude sent 2 800.00 a piece from the post office checks. I took them to my bank and they said “they are fake, and the bank wasn’t going to cash them and be resoponsible.” PLEASE STAY CLEAR OF THESE TYPE OF SCAMMERS. I WISHI YOU THE BEST OF LUCK.!!!!!!!
August 23rd, 2011 at 1:02 am
Hi Geegee, Thanks for your comment.Any furthe contacts I now have are re-directed to my alternate ego on a ficticious e-mail site. I give them the run around for a while then block suspected scammers of which there have been quite a few since my unfortnate encounter with a dating scammer.
May 10th, 2011 at 1:43 am
hi Sunny, the thing is i cannot find his picture anywhere on the scammer list. Probably not even his pictures. He speaks better that his writing. So i am at a lost. The FBI and the polcie isnt going to do anyhting since these people are in other countries. We filed reports and then what do they do with it. Probably nothing. But like you said i am wiser now than i was before. When i get those letters in my mail, i just deleted them. It makes me mad and i wish i could find the name on the registered IP address.
May 19th, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Hi Geegee,
I’m glad to know that you are now ignoring the mails you are receiving from the suckers. What I did was I registered on romancescam and started a thread on those scammers and posted photos of the man who scammed me and surprisingly I got more information through others who had been scammed from the same person. You can do like I did as I also could not locate pictures of those scammers initially.
Take care
May 21st, 2011 at 2:01 am
hi Sunny
i will do that, what if the picture isnt the real picture of the scammer but some innocent victim out there…..? should i do it anyway
i dont want to mess up somebodys life if you know what i mean……do you know how to get the registration of the IP address…..any idea sunny
thanks
May 21st, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Hi Geegee,
The photo may be that of an innocent man or victim but I please note that the scammer was not only speaking to you but with other victims using the same photo so start a thread and you will be surprised. Dont put your real name when you register. I’d be interested to see it myself.
Take care
May 21st, 2011 at 9:36 pm
hi sunny
i will register with romancescam.com and you have to guide me how to go about “threading” i have no idea what that is. Once i register then i have to download his photo right? and then what do i do.
May 24th, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Hi Geegee,
There are helpful people administering the site and they will help you when you register.
Best wishes
June 12th, 2011 at 12:17 am
Any one who hears from a Colnel George Lucas serving in Iraq be warned he is a scammer. He is impersonating a General Wesley Clark whose picture can be seen on Flicker or Wikipedia. Wants money for his flight ticket home.
July 21st, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Hi Jenny,
Im sorry you got caught up in the soldiering dating scam. They like to toy with American Woman’s emotions becasue they know they are lonely. Please anyone who is dating a soldier from any dating websites you might want to try the military perspective website. They have photo gallery’s and other pertenent information to use. They even have people you can talk to about your delimma. BEST OF OF LUCK IN YOUR SEARCH.
June 14th, 2011 at 5:44 pm
what me most affected to those scammers, i ask iff they can let them see on cam, so that i can really see how much she loves me, beforre i sending them monney, iff they say dont you trust, i love you so much in gods name, whe are ment to be whit eachotter, i trust you, thats what comme out them after you asked to see em on webcam, or its broke i have a old computter webcams dussent run on it, ahum, i dident know that computters from the eighties are still running now, or the programme dussent support webcams, euh what kind of programme you running on, or it have only one usb connexion and they using it for there whirreless connexion, most laptops is whirreless connexion build in, and you can by multiply usb stick boxes, i dont have the monney for that, euh are computters for free, no monney for a webcam, but monney for a computter was no problem than, they wanna do annything for you, but let them see on cam it impossible, giving me a call thats possible, but than i hear the scammers wife i think, so long no cam, no monney, so how badly they want to see you than iff they dont get monney out of you,
July 21st, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Hi everyone,
My best advice for online dating is:
1.) Stay away from soldier’s that are on these websites cause 95% are all fake. if still not sure try doing research on goodle. Google their name
2.) If some says”I love You” right from the get go. That’s fake too. These are scammers too.
3.) When you get junk email stating they want you to transfer or get money from them. It too is a scammer. If you take the money 95% of the time you will have to pay it back cause it is not yours.
4.) Here is a name I want every one to stay clear from is name of John Fisher, he goes under many names and is in alot of dating websites. He will try and romance you till your blue in the face. I got suckered too. John Fisher, whatever his age is 38 to 44, he states he lives in Morraco, Russia, his family is in Cuba. He also, has passport from, Lexington, Kentucky but he doen’t stay in the US cause of his traveling job. Just stay clear of this dude. I don’t care if he cries and begs do not help him!!!!
August 22nd, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Hi everyone, I’ve been emailing and IMing with a guy that I actually contacted on a dating website for about 3 weeks now. I keep going back and forth about whether he could be a scammer or not. Reasons why I think he might be a scam: A few of the patterns have ocurred with him like being of French/English decent, living in US but currently in Lagos, Nigeria for work (construction engineer), his wife died 3 years ago, hotel being robbed and his cash stolen, needs money to pay rest of workers and is now being sued. Needs money and MY help. Reasons why I think he might not be a scammer: I contacted him first. He expressed interest in knowing more about me…asking questions and expressing concern. He has called me several times with no hesitation to do so. He is able to provide me more photos of himself when I ask for them, and the photos are not professional ones. When I told him the first time to stop contacting me because i was beginning to think it was a scam (just thought it strange to ask me for money),he listened and didn’t pursue.
As of now,we are communicating again by my initiation (yes, i want to believe he’s real!. He’s still in Lagos, suppoesedly had court today and once again asked me for money to help him out of this mess. I have told him NO, once and for all and that if I hear back from him with no further mention of money, that will tell me that he’s really interested in pursuing a relationship…haven’t heard anything back yet, but we’ll see. I’d like to know if any of these online dating guys working in nigeria ever turn out NOT to be scammers. Input?
August 22nd, 2011 at 9:15 pm
Hi Frannie
Very simple and quick answer is NO none of them turn out to be real.
Any genuine businessman travelling to a country like Nigeria will be insured up the wazoo, he will have access to his own bank accounts, have no hesitation going to the embassy and will have plenty of business contacts to help him out of a sticky situation and WILL NOT need to ask strangers on the internet to help him out financially.
The story is 100% scammer I’m afraid. To prove it to yourself say you have had a think about it and are prepared to lend him money but you will only send it to the Embassy to be collected …. now watch him try to squirm to get the money sent by Western Union. If he was real he would have no trouble collecting the money from the Embassy.
September 2nd, 2011 at 10:34 am
Hi all,
Let me know any information if anyone of you has ever talked and contact with Quincy Maynard, 38 years from canada. When i search him on google, he appears as well in the WAYN.COM profile. Im still confused but begin to convinced my self i got this scam and i had helped him out for usd 2700 which he begging me for his business. He owe some money from a chinese private lender in Malaysia and when the times come, he just dont have enough money to pay it back. His email is maynard.quincy@yahoo.com. I made report to Malaysian police and now they are investigating it. If someone ever heard this same case, please let me know so i can add information to the police. Thanks so much