You walk out of their place, get your key in the car door and your mobile phone sounds you have a new text message ….. it reads “love you and miss you already”.
You talk on the phone for three hours and two minutes after you put the phone down you get a text message saying “did I tell you how much I love you?”.
NOT GOOD ….. this is called smothering. It may seem cute for the first few weeks of passionate lust but is a sign of impending doom.
Anyone who is that dependent upon your attention is going to become a royal pain very quickly, jealousy and neediness are just two of the problems you will face.
Your partner may feel they are just showing you the love they feel for you but how can you miss someone and appreciate their company if they never leave your side for a moment? This is not love, it is needy selfish insecurity and is not a healthy way to carry out a relationship.
To gauge whether you are heading for a serious smothering test your new partner:
1. Next time they call just say “sorry I have to call someone but will speak to you later” … how do they react. Do they huff, think of something vital they HAVE to tell you now or simply accept what you say and say they will wait for your call?
2. Have a night off from them, say you need a night in watching Blue Peter re-runs or washing your hair. Do they call you seven times, find a reason to just pop round or go out with their friends?
3. When you are with them and hear you have a text message or call pretend you haven’t heard it and go to the bathroom. Do they take a quick look to see who is contacting you, actually read the message/answer the phone or simply tell you that you have a missed call?
4. Take note of your own thoughts and reactions. When the phone rings and it is your partner … again …. what is your immediate reaction? Do you think “what now”, “oh no not again” or “great it’s the person I love”.
September 18th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
I should have seen myself doing this. My ex-girlfriends use to do this all the time….it drove me mad and always was the cause of the relationship ending.
Then behold…I find the woman of my dreams and I do it to her. Talk about karma.
September 18th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Unfortunately it is something we all tend to learn only by experience. The good news is once we learn the lesson it helps us in future relationships, so hopefully you won’t do it again.
December 1st, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Spooky first paragraph “love you and miss you already” … [warning bells sound]
December 1st, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Oh dear Towel Warmers, why would that make warning bells sound? My hubby and I say it regularly to each other but then again we have been in different countries for the past 2 months … is he had only gone out 5 minutes ago I would probably feel like I was being stalked lol
December 9th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I had a boyfriend like this when I was a bit younger. Very hard to deal with I must say but its what ended our relationship. Some people can deal with this kind of obsession but I certainly couldnt lol.