As I said in the last article stating the top 3 reasons why men cheat, it is not only men that cheat, more and more women are also committing adultery.
This is largely driven by opportunity. As women have gained closer equality with men their work and social lives have opened new doors and presented new opportunities to meet people.
At the end of the day it’s simply not ok to cheat but that doesn’t stop people.
With adultery on the rise among women it’s important to understand what drives women to cheat on their husbands.
Of course not everyone is the same but these are the most common 3 reasons given by unfaithful women for their affair.
1. Affection and Attention
Yes, the number one reason for men and women is the same.
Like men, most cheating women don’t go out looking for an affair but when they receive affection and attention from a stranger that they no longer receive at home some women find it too flattering to resist.
It really does your self image and confidence no favours if you lose 10 kg or cut 6 inches off your hair and your partner fails to notice, you begin to feel invisible and un-cared for.
Then a strange man compliments you, he really notices you in the way your husband did before you started coming second best to his golf clubs. Once again you find your girlish giggle, you start to again feel sexy and desirable.
The sad fact is that most, if not all, of these women would never dream of cheating if they got the attention and affection they need at home.
Ask them and they will tell you, they would much prefer to receive this attention from their husband but he has emotionally withdrawn from her and is no longer excited by her, which plays havoc with her self confidence.
So guys, stop reading and go to tell your wife how sexy she looks, give her a smouldering kiss and say you’re sorry you haven’t been paying enough attention to her lately.
2. Revenge Cheating
Have you heard the saying Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Wow is it true.
Just search online for the term “revenge on cheating husband” and you will see page after page of stories about women cheating, going on naked webcams, selling porn photo’s of themselves and damaging cars, clothes, etc.
Women who catch their men cheating and follow this course of action don’t ask themselves the question does revenge cheating work, they just feel the need to get even.
Of course revenge cheating doesn’t work, two wrongs never make a right but these women feel that cheating on them belittles their sexuality, so they go all out to prove they are still sexy.
3. Thrill Seeking
Sexual freedom is still a very new phenomenon in the history of women. When I left school a man that slept around was a stud and a woman that slept around was a slut.
The playing field in recent years has levelled up considerably on this issue and women can now be bad girls without constant scorn.
Many women of my age married young, being still quite innocent and had families. They now see the sexual freedom the younger generations have and want a slice.
The problem comes when a man has been married to a woman for some time and is used to the hum-drum life they lead. Something in her life changes (a 40th birthday, a death in the family, large weight loss, a new career, etc) and the husband carries on as normal.
The life she was happy with for all those years just doesn’t excite her anymore, she wants to be a sex kitten and have fun. If you don’t notice this change and join in then someone else just might.
Here’s a more in depth look at reasons women cheat and the solutions, to help us in understanding adultery.
June 6th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
#3 is the scariest because I feel like it’s the only one that could happen without any problem on the husbands side at all. Thrill seeking is something that everyone does to a certain degree already but cheating for the thrill is very … I can’t decide if it’s dangerous or sad.
June 11th, 2009 at 2:57 am
Totally agree Barrett, it is the most scariest because the husband can do nothing wrong and suddenly the wife wants a new life. It really is the equivalent of the male midlife crisis. The only defense is to have great communications with your wife and common interests, then when something in her life changes you are in touch with it and can react with her.
June 16th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
I agree that most women likely cheat because they aren’t getting attention from their husbands. It’s very easy to fall into this situation without even realizing it. I think the key is to ensure that you make time for the relationship and not take each other for granted. Of course, with our fast-paced lives, this is sometimes hard to do. I might also mention that it can work the other way and a wife can suddenly find herself dealing with a cheating husband for the same reasons.
Jamie
.-= Jamie@cheating husband signs´s last blog ..Signs of a Cheating Husband updated Tue Mar 24 2009 8:12 pm CDT =-.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
As a hypnotherapist I deal with lots of relationship issues. One of the biggest problems is, they get bored with each others company. I teach them to understand what interests their partner and visa/versa.
Asking and training their subconscious mind to look outwards to what their partner wants, rather than looking inwards to themselves. This selfless rather than selfish attitude works very well under therapy and probably they way forward to think in all our lives.
Kevin
July 5th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Excellent comment thank you Kevin, we certainly seem to have become very selfish in relationships these days and naturally this disconnects us from our partner.
July 21st, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Yes I agree that most women might think about attention somewhere else because they are not getting enough attention at home. Yes also ageed that its very easy to fall into that type of rut without even relizing it and then it might be to late.
If you feel you need more attention then that’s the time to speak up and talk to your spouse about it.
On the other hand if you feel that your other half is cheating on you then that feeling alone might be enough to find out the truth.
.-= Gregg @ The Cheatring Spy Website´s last blog ..Wireless Night Vision Security Camera =-.
August 21st, 2009 at 2:44 am
But isn’t number 3 more like becoming board with the current life? looking for a change. I guess its part of having comunication with your partner too
October 14th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Hi
I think the number 1 reason for a wife to cheat would fore most be that she is not getting the attention from her husband.
Revenge Cheating yes I have heard of women cheating all because they want to get back at there husband sadly but its true.
Well Thrill Seeking women are out there but lets face it there husbands are most likely not doing for them so they are out for some fun with the husband it not giving it to them.
December 26th, 2009 at 3:37 am
Any woman, married, single or otherwise should feel good about her decision to take a lover. A new book,******* , empowers women to seek emotional and sexual fulfillment by making sure she does not see her sexuality is being secondary to that of a man’s.
January 3rd, 2010 at 4:58 am
Hi Ellen
I’ve removed your advert for the book but please tell me you are kidding. As you have chosen to leave your comment on an article about why women cheat then surely you are suggesting a woman be unfaithful to her husband to prove to herself her sexuality doesnt come second to his?
January 18th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Hi Sally,
My wife cheated on me more than ten years ago. She said she felt lonely and unappreciated. Because of her affair I had decided to start a new life but then changed my mind. I wanted her back with me, and I tried hard to make things work out for us.
Today we have two children and a happy marriage,and are closer than we ever were, but the situation was difficult for a long time, and I would never want to go through that again.
Never take anything for granted in a relationship!
.-= Ray´s last blog ..Setting Boundaries In A Marriage =-.
January 19th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Hi Ray
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story, it’s left me with a silly grin on my face. I take my hat off to you and imagine it was very difficult to get over the affair so very well done for sticking with it.
Unfortunately us women are so driven by our emotions and we relate attention to love, so lack of attention = lack of love = lonely = need attention from elsewhere.
I lived in the Middle East for a number of years and their attitude of “leave a womans side for a moment and she will have an affair” never failed to offend me but in all honesty there is a grain of truth in it. Not that all women will tear their clothes off and run rampant in the High Street if left alone for 10 minutes but if they feel neglected over a long period of time it can be so easy for anyone paying them compliments and attention to turn their heads.
Many congratulations on your children …. proof positive that you now appreciate your wife
May 17th, 2011 at 3:47 pm
RAY,
I just read your post, and fot the first time in a while, I have a bit of hope that we can get past this. I recently (two weeks ago) discovered my wife in a parked car with another man, in a dark parking lot. About a year ago she came to me with the revelation that she had been talking to this man on the side and felt their relationship had become inappropriate. She denied any sexual contact, however I found that hard to believe. I was going through a failing business, I wasn’t carrying my load financially and she was afraid we were going to leave our home. She said that was no excuse and she would break it off. I believed her and had a suprizingly easy time moving past it. Recently I noticed she was acting differently and my suspission was again arroused. I planted a gps In her truck and when I called her on the phone and asked her where she was, it did not match up to the gps. I went to where the gps said she was and found her in her truck with the same man, a police detective. Again she denied sex, but I dont believe her since I have written proof stating she was just using him for sex. Other than the denial of sex, she has been open and (i think) honest about the whole ordeal. I love her and want to work this out more than anything. She is in counseling and I will be soon. I just hope that someday the rage/ betrayal/ sadness I feel will subside and I will be able to trust her again. Any advice would be grately appreciated.
May 20th, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Hi Kevin,
I really feel for you, Your emotions are raw and the pain you feel is as strong today as it was when you found out about your wife’s affair.
I want to help you as much as I can, so if you reply to this post I would like to exchange email addresses via Sally (If it’s ok with her)
I am willing to send you my ebook detailing my experience of coming to terms with my wife’s affair,and our eventual reconciliation. It’s for sale on the internet, but you can have it for free.
I will also like to continue to help you by exchanging emails.
What I really wanted at the time was someone to talk to, I was too embarrassed to ask my friends.
Ray
May 20th, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Yes am happy to exchange email addresses Ray … thank you.
June 14th, 2011 at 8:31 pm
The feeling of insecurity does not go away. I cheated on my husband after he cheated on me and treated me badly. It’s never even, because I did it to get even and he did it because he loved her and he came back because she didn’t want him. Yes. The thought of having the man you love want to be with someone else and you are second choice. I have to admit it was very liberating to see him cry and go through all the pain that I had went through. KARMA! But to me it was not the same because we were separated and I told him before he came back what I had done. He had a personal choice to stay and mine was taken away and I was tricked into marriage. People can be so manipulating….But yes I have learned to love myself and take control of my life. A real player does not have to lie about their affairs and does it right in front of your face. I am a woman who knows what she wants and will not cheat again but walk away with respect for myself…but the sex was great while it lasted and my husband will always remember what he lost..
June 21st, 2010 at 12:17 pm
To be living in disgrace and condemned is not the ‘lifestyle’ that we seek. Human relationship between different sexes is sometimes extremely complicated. But as the mother of the family, as a wife to a husband, she should hold on to her dignity and stay detached. There is always a border line where woman should not cross.
November 16th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I am going through the neglect,lack of attention,ect.I believe that once the spark,romance, & the husband doesn’t “chase” his wife anymore,it is over.Men,it is so easy to keep your wife,but you have to commit to doing it always.She is not a slut if she cheats.The fault is yours.
November 24th, 2010 at 3:52 am
Hi Renee
I agree that our partners have a degree of responsibility if we feel the relationship is over, although we too must share the blame but I would never agree that our partners “made us” cheat. Whether to cheat or not is a simple moral choice and one we make entirely on our own.
November 17th, 2010 at 6:14 am
Well, it is not a surprise again. Adultery was already done before that is why Moses included this in the ten commandments which is “Thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife”.
That is why in a relationship we should do each responsibilities so that our partner will not going to look to other just to fulfill the emptiness inside.
January 26th, 2011 at 11:19 pm
A interesting post.
These 3 are certainly the most common reasons why women I have met and known have said why they have cheated on their partners.
This may not necessarily be a reason but another common occurence nowadays amongst women who cheat, is that men have been doing it for years so it’s about time us women get some play.
This probably will come under revenge as you mentioned but the funny thing is that some of these women are actually not seeking the revenge anymore, they’re initiating the first crime. This is according to the women I have spoken to anyway.
January 28th, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Hi Marvin
I have to agree, women these days are becoming more likely to initiate an affair. What my post tried to address is what would cause a woman to feel unsatified in her relationship to want to look for an affair.
February 28th, 2011 at 10:13 am
what would happen if this person gets deported back into the states? would they be ever able to go back?
February 28th, 2011 at 11:23 am
Hi JR
It would depend how long they overstayed, which country they were in and what they were doing there. In African countries they tend to only deport people who have committed criminal offences, as renewal visa’s are easy to get even if you overstay. Your best bet would be to go to an immigration forum for that country and ask there.
April 23rd, 2011 at 9:17 am
When my first marriage was breaking up I met a man who gave me lots of compliments and we started an affair. He was also married and I’m not proud of it. Although we did not sleep toegther until I was separated. I ended the relationship which was very painful, as he was not going to leave his wife.
7 years on and I am totally in love with my new husband. He is my soulmate and he is such a kind man. Our life would be perfect except his lack of interest in sex, which makes me feel unwanted, neglected, and is playing havoc with my self-esteem. I do not want the marriage to end, because apart from this everything is great. I do not want to be unfaithful, but am scared if the opportunity presents myself I won’t be saying no, as I have needs.
Women don’t go looking for affairs, but no relationship is perfect. If I was unfatihful my husband would never forgive me, so I will probably suffer in silence.
April 23rd, 2011 at 10:31 pm
Hi Millie
Why do you need to suffer in silence. Go with your husband to the doctor to see if there is a medical reason for his low libedo. A low libedo can be as simple as stress or even diabetes. Have you talked with him? If he is aware you have a greater sexual appetite than he does and he is committed to your relationship then there are ways he can satisfy you without the need to satisfy himself.
I’d try the doctor and just see if there is a reason for his lack of interest but suffering in silence may be the worst course of action imo.
April 25th, 2011 at 9:08 am
thankyou, I have tried speaking to my husband about this, but he is reluctant to talk about it. when i suggest oral sex for example, he won’t. i understand he has a differnet libedo, but whenever i try and get close to him, he is not interested, and i feel rejected, so that i dont want to initate things. he never does initiate sex, i have even tried suggestign a weekend away, but he wont commit to this either. i feel he is making up excuses and basically doesnt like sex. his first wife had an affair, and i am wondering now that he was like this in this relationship aswell. he is fine with kissing and cuddling in public, but this is the extent of what he wants, which is not what a marriage is about. in essence i have talked to him, i have suggested other ways of satisfying me, and he still is not interested. he would never go to a doctor.he has issues with his childhood, and was also in an abusive relationship, but i feel like i am a substitute “mother” to him, not a wife. i really do love him, and i know he loves me, but weeks or months between love making is not enough
April 25th, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Hi Millie
What an awful situation for you both. Men often don’t like to talk about such things but he needs to understand your marriage may be at stake. May I suggest you contact Relate, they have sex therapists who could advise you on how to approach the problem. They really are very good and I feel sure they will have experience with couples where the man doesn’t want to talk or deal with the problem.
http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html
May 24th, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Here’s an old story…and sometimes it is sad but true;
A woman gets married. After a whild she starts makeing her husband change his style of clothes, hair style, and just about everything else he does in his. Then she gets caught cheating. Her excuse is: He’s not the man I married”
May 28th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I have cheated multiple times and I love it. I have now landed a doctor who pays everything for me and my kids. All I have to do is put out.
May 28th, 2011 at 7:47 pm
How does your husband feel about this Peppersunlight?
May 29th, 2011 at 11:54 am
I am divorcing him so I can have everything that I want. He is a loser. I want the whole doctor wife status. My new man is recently divorced thanks to me, I am much younger than his ex and I want it all!!
May 29th, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Wow that is a really hard attitude you have there. As 67% of all second marriages fail, the stats I believe are higher for second marriages born from adultery and even higher still for third marriages, your chances of success are quite slim. This shows that the majority of people who leave a spouse to seek something from a new spouse rarely get what they are seeking.
Perhaps you both deserve each other and will be content or perhaps you will in the end lose everything. If I was a betting woman I would bet on the latter, because your attitude will not fulfill his needs in the long run.
May 29th, 2011 at 2:45 pm
I had an affair with my first husband too. I thankfully ended his marriage and am on to greener pastures now.
May 29th, 2011 at 3:26 pm
So you’re not a very quick learner then. I hope you get everything you deserve.