When to give out your phone number to someone you have met on an online dating site? One way to decide when the time is right is to ask yourself who you would hand your phone number to in an offline situation.
If you met someone in a bar and chatted for half an hour would you hand them your number? How much would you need to know about them before giving out your personal details?
The only difference with online encounters is we are never totally sure of who we are talking to, there is no eye contact or body language to get impressions from.
Because some weird people hang out online it makes us wary of everyone we meet on the internet but with a little forethought the net is no more dangerous than going to a bar and giving out your number to someone you meet.
Here are a couple of ways you can feel more confident before handing out your phone number to online contacts:
Use The Dating Websites Resources
It is amazing how many people send an initial contact message saying here is my phone number and email, please contact me and we can chat. Are you kidding me?! That is the same as walking up to a total stranger in the street and saying here’s my number call me, it may work for James Bond but he’s a fictional character. Set a personal rule that you will not move off the website until you have spoken 8 or 10 times to someone, it’s called respecting boundaries. Use whatever resources the dating website provides, send flirts, personal messages, use the forum, webcams or arrange to meet in the chatroom one night at 9pm (use private chat rooms if they have the facility). If someone seems desperate to get off the website to chat, then ask yourself why, what is their desperation about and do you really want to meet someone desperate. This is a particular red flag if you are looking for a serious relationship.
Start with email
Set up a free email account just for dating and give that to the person you are chatting to but add some rules. The rules are not important, you can say don’t email on a weekend because your sister uses the email account and you don’t want her reading your emails or not to add any attachments or your computer will block the messages. The point of the rules is simply to see whether they abide by them, are they listening to you and working to build your trust or just doing their own thing regardless. Anyone that can’t follow a couple of simple rules for emails may just be the type to send 40 text messages a day or call you at 4am for a chat.
Webcam Chats
Don’t hand out your phone number until you have spoken on webcam, this way you at least know if the person has represented themselves truthfully on their profile and can see body language. It is best if the woman suggests a webcam chat during the day. Genuine men are often wary about asking for a webcam chat in case the woman thinks he is being pervy. By suggesting an afternoon webcam chat the woman is setting the boundaries, which would rarely be taken as anything other than a genuine request for a ‘face to face’ chat.
A Dating Phone
When you are ready to give them your phone number pick up a cheap or used mobile phone and a pay as you go sim card. You can do this for about £25 and carry it with you as a second phone or simply check for messages and missed calls when you get home. If you then get inappropriate calls or messages from someone then you can simply throw away the pay as you go card and get a new one, this way you don’t have to let family and friends know about a change of number but can soon deal with pesky callers.
Call Boundaries
When you give out your number set some boundaries, state that you don’t want to receive calls or texts after 1am or during 9-5 when you will be at work. Some people get carried away when they first get your number and want to talk all the time, this can be very flattering at first but try to think longer term, will 20 text messages a day start to annoy you after a couple of weeks? It may be that you will love the attention, only you can decide but to happily respond to 20 messages a day in the first couple of weeks and then tell them they are stalking you when you get tired of the number of calls or messages is a little unfair, start as you mean to go on and don’t give out mixed signals.
Use your gut feeling and experience when asked for your number, if you are not 100% happy to do so then don’t give it out, simply say you are not ready to speak directly yet. If they decide they can’t wait around then take it as a lucky escape. Don’t be pressurised into giving out your personal details, choose wisely when to give out your phone number.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
I’ve seen many girls giving out their phone number really fast, many times after the first conversation, but I think this depend from girl to girl and what kind of relationship they want.
July 5th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Hi Robert, I’ve seen many girls handing out phone numbers after one conversation but of course I also see them complaining about wierdo’s calling them … you’d think they would learn to be more selective?!
August 24th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
I especially like the tip about getting a second mobile phone and sim card. This makes so much sense and initially could cost as little as £15. If you are unfortunate enough to get in a situation where you need to ditch your sim due to a pest, you can normally find free sim card offers on the internet anyway.
August 27th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
But if the person never gave the number, there is way on how to get the phone number of a person.
September 2nd, 2009 at 12:23 am
That is why you should never give out your real name or address to online contacts!!
September 8th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I think it is definately a good idea to either have two phones or at least two sim cards, that way you can easily lose contact with the person if they turn out to be a nutcase!
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September 17th, 2009 at 9:25 am
A dating e-mail account to test the water sounds like a good idea to me. However I think that anyone giving out their mobile phone number to someone they have never met is definitely dodgy. Course you can always change your mobile number but who wants to do that more than they need to.
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Hi Barrie
Agree with you, that is where a second mobile comes into play. You can pick up an old mobile for a few pounds and a pay as you go number is pennies, it means you can simply close the account if someone bothers you but you don’t have the hassle of telling your friends and family your new number.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
I definitely agree! That’s the best way to do it.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Very useful information and tips. I couldn’t agree more. Yes, ladies should really be more careful in giving out numbers or further personal details. You’ll never know what type a guy is merely from initial chat or conversation.
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December 30th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I think you should always have a spare phone/sim & a seperate email account when you’re first handing them out. If things progress further and you then become comfortable with the person you have met you can always give them your main details.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:45 pm
thanks for the posting , all the points are Very natural , simply you cant share your number in the very first day of your dating or chatting wait and watch and then open your self may be the right idea ..
June 25th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
I think females are so insecure, whorish & stupid to mess with strangers online.
June 27th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
Hi Max
What a harsh statement. Many people meet their spouse online and many friendships are built there … people just need to learn to be careful.