Of course I am not talking about the level of flirting where he is actively trying to seek something outside your relationship by asking for phone numbers, this is intentional and is grounds for a serious ditching. I am talking about the normal degree of whiplash men of all ages tend to get when a pretty girl passes by or they can’t help but make puppy eyes at the girl in the supermarket, this is usually purely unintentional.

There is no point getting all bent out of shape about it and the first thing to remember is that he is with you, not her. Keep that in your mind, use it as a mantra if jealousy rears it’s head and read my tips on dealing with jealousy. He has chosen to be with you and yet there are plenty more fish in the sea if he didn’t want to be with you.

There is also no point in assuming he thinks there is something wrong with you. When you are out with your female friends you discuss gorgeous movie stars and the hunk at the gym, we all do but that doesn’t mean you think your man is ugly or fat, it just means you recognise the beauty in someone else.

First you have to decide if it is innocent and unintentional or if he really is trying it on with someone else. This is usually quite obvious because if he is unintentionally flirting and you touch his arm this should draw his attention back to you. If he ignores you and continues flirting then you need to take a good look at whether you are in the right relationship.

If he is just being friendly, watching a pretty girl pass by or trying to butter up his bosses wife then you really have little to worry about.

My husband speaks Arabic and when I first got married a couple of years ago we were together at his work when a pretty girl walked past and he made a comment in Arabic to his friends. I wish I had had a video camera with me that day to record the look on his face when I said “do you think it’s acceptable to make such a comment with your wife in the room”. He tried the old “you didn’t translate what I said correctly” because he hadn’t realised that I had started to learn Arabic but he soon realised I had.

He was very relieved when I made a joke about it but I did explain that whilst I understand men naturally look at pretty women I found it insulting when he did it in front of me. It only took a couple more loud coughs at the right moment before he quickly realised that oggling pretty girls was a no-no in front of me. He now goes overboard and mimics an ostrich whenever a pretty girl walks in, which I admit I do find reassuring but we are both aware and content that he still peeks when I am not around.

If you make a big jealous song and dance about this issue you will start to blow the issue out of proportion. Do you ever look at a man and think “he’s handsome” or “look at that six pack”? Of course you do but that doesn’t mean you are going to run over and rip his clothes off.

Try to keep such a discussion light hearted but serious enough to get your point across. If he says he is unaware he is doing it then don’t assume he is lying, tell him you will touch him on the arm when you catch him doing it so he becomes aware of when he is does it. If he loves you and is committed to your relationship he will be happy with this suggestion.

If he says he is aware he is doing it but is only being friendly then discuss, again without a shouting match, what each of you finds acceptable and agree on a compromise which suits you both.

If you believe he should focus all of his intention on you all of the time then I would suggest the issue lies with your own insecurities and you are likely to suffocate him. Ask yourself whether he flirted with you when you first met and if this was part of his friendly charm, if the answer is yes then why should you demand he totally change his behaviour?

Remember nobody can go through life wearing blinkers and the perfect night out at a party means that a couple arrive together, are both happy to mingle separately and then go home together. This is an indication of a committed, secure relationship.

There is an excellent article in Time magazine explaining why we flirt and may help you to understand your man’s (un)intentions.