In large workplaces ‘office romances’ are inevitable but being mature and setting ground rules from the start can save a lot of problems in the future.

It has never been a good idea to date a work colleague, to the point where many companies these days have included something about it in their company policy.

It causes particular problems when one person is superior to the other in authority. Read my experience of dating a work colleague, the companies reaction and how it affected my career.

Even where favouritism is not an issue, if your relationship is known then accusations will usually lead in that direction.

However, love finds us where it can and sometimes we have to make life choices that are not just about our career.

It’s easy to think you can keep the romance until after hours but unless strict ground rules are in place and adhered to then little glances will soon become naughty little emails and giggling behind the water cooler.

After a fight in your relationship there is nothing more obvious and uncomfortable for others than hostility between you at work.

Unfortunately there is a side to office romance that is anything but romantic, you need to sit together and discuss a game plan at the start of the relationship. Remember when you have this discussion you are not only making choices about your love life but about your career too.

Some rules to consider:

1. Establish before you return to work whether you are now in a relationship or whether it was a holiday fling.

2. If it is a relationship then decide whether you are going to let it be generally known in the office or workplace. Should you discuss your relationship with Human Resources or your boss (this will depend on the company and the job posts you both hold).

3. If not then discuss how you should answer any questions should anyone get curious or suspicious and how to handle things if your secret becomes known.

4. If you do choose to make your relationship public knowledge then Keep it Professional. Don’t use your company computers to send love emails to each other, don’t sit in meetings holding hands under the table or meet in the stationary cupboard for a quick snog.

5. Consider other people’s feelings, you may be madly in love and can’t keep your hands off each other but other people are just going about their work and don’t need to be distracted.

6. What will happen if you break up? Nobody gets into a relationship anticipating a break up but they do happen so how will you handle things if your relationship doesn’t work out? Do you work in different departments and can therefore avoid each other or is your secretary suddenly going to start slamming files down on your desk and rushing out in tears?

There is always the old ‘has been’ that gets plastered and thinks he is casanova and all the 20 year old secretaries are dying for some of what he has got or the female vamp that thinks she can use her authority to get the young men to ‘pay her some attention’ under the mistleoe.

I doubt it is normal for you to get roaring drunk and dance to “I’m too sexy” whilst stripping off to your undies on a monday morning in the office, so why would you do it at the office party? The office party is an extension of your workplace, your colleagues and employers are not your mates out to paint the town red, so retain your dignity and follow these tips to ensure you remain employed after the holiday season is over.

1. What to Wear

It is a great time to show a more relaxed, attractive side to yourself rather than the boring grey suit or white blouse and pencil skirt but don’t go too far, the boob tube and ultra mini skirt are not appropriate. Too much cleavage, thigh or the rude t-shirt you bought on holiday is not going to impress the boss and may well damage your reputation at work. Wear party clothes that allow you to look elegant and attractive without looking like the office bike.

2. Timing is Everything

Ensure you arrive on time and don’t stay too long. If you are in the festive mood then arrange to meet your friends after the party is over, where you can let your hair down and be as silly as you like. Remember your new mantra ‘the office party is still the office’ so make sure you stay until after the boss has left, they will usually make a quick exit knowing the employees want to have fun.

3. Alternate Drinks

Getting roaring drunk and trying to touch up Tracey from personnel or telling the boss he is a fat, bald useless twat may seem like a good idea at the time but is always a very bad idea at the office party. Alternate your drinks between something alcoholic and something soft to stay relatively sober and avoid such undignified behaviour. If you start to feel you are getting drunk switch to soft drinks and stay away from members of the opposite sex (especially the bosses wife).

4. Not a First Date

You have fancied someone in the office rotten for ages so surely the office party is the perfect place to make your move … right? Wrong, oh so wrong. First consider the pro’s and con’s of dating a work colleague before you consider making any advances. Yes it is a good place to get to know them and let them know of your intentions, perhaps even manage to arrange a first date but it is not in itself a date. Don’t spend all night following each other around like love sick puppies or ignore your other colleagues, just swap numbers or arrange a date and then spend the night doing the ‘eyes across a crowded room’ thing. Always remember that anyone you approach is also someone that you have to see again in the office so rejection may lead to embarrassment for both of you, make sure you can read ‘yes I am interested’ signals before asking out a work colleague.

5. Bringing a Date

Only consider bringing a date if it stated that the party is for employees and their partners. Don’t bring someone you met last week that you can’t keep your hands off or heaven forbid use it as a first date venue for someone you have not been out with before. You want to be professional in your work so don’t ruin things by spending the Christmas party with your tongue down someone’s throat.

6. Have Fun

It is possible to have fun without getting drunk and throwing up in the waste paper basket … no honestly it is. Join in the festivities, get up and have a dance or sing-song and show them there is more to you than they have thus far seen (more personality not more flesh). Enjoy the party but remember that you have to see these people again on Monday morning so being caught with Sharon from packing having a knee trembler in the loo is perhaps not going to seem like such a good idea when you are sober (especially if you are Sharon from packing).

Everyone is worried about the current economic climate and what this will mean for our spending power. Dating can be expensive, a meal out for two can set you back £50-100 or even just a night at the cinema can cost £40 plus.

If you are paying for a first date there is simply no reason to spend a lot of money, a series of first dates can leave you seriously out of pocket with nothing to show for it if they don’t lead to second dates.

It is possible to arrange frugal dates without looking like a penny pincher and let’s be honest if you splash out your entire monthly budget on a first date then the lady in question may well be disappointed when she discovers you can only go out once a month.

Here are 10 cheap date suggestions that will not make you look cheap but will save the pounds.

1. Be Cultured

Visit a museum, cathedral, a book reading at a book shop or library, an art gallery, a local amateur drama, a photo exhibition, discover the town of a famous author …. find something cultured you and your date will be interested in. There are still many free outings like museums around the country just look online for tourist attractions in your area. Remember to look what is on at your local University, they often have productions and shows and need the publics support. If you are in the UK then Britain Express will give you some great ideas in your areas of places to visit.

2. Go to the Park

Be kids again, fly a kite, try roller blading, go boating on the lake or have a snow ball fight. The park is a very romantic place to meet so this suggestion for a date doesn’t seem cheap but of course your date will need to have a sense of adventure and fun.

3. Have a Picnic

So a few soggy sandwiches and a packet of crisps doesn’t seem very romantic but what about a travel rug, a book of poetry, a red rose and some of your favourite cheese and crackers? Picnics can be very romantic and cost very little. Not into poetry … no worries read her a chapter of your favourite book or tell funny childhood stories.

4. Discover Nature

Whether it’s a walk on a beach, a hike through a forest or a stroll down a leafy park lane, nature is a frugal but romatic way to get to know each other. Find out what unusual wildlife is in your area and try to find it. Work with the seasons, collect acorns for Christmas wreaths or shells in summer on a beach.

5. Farmers Market or Flea Market

Do you live within travelling distance of a farmers market, flea market, craft fair or country fair? Suggest meeting up and having a look round. Such dates are far more relaxed than staring at each other over a coffee and wondering what to say next. An afternoon will fly by as you look round the stalls and perhaps a nik-nak or two that will give you an idea of your dates taste.

6. Be Sporty

Are you and your date into health and fitness? Then go for a jog, meet for a bike ride, go wind surfing or play tennis in the local park. Whatever you decide to do don’t make it too strenuous your date may not be as fit as you and you don’t want to embarrass them.

7. Home Cooked Meal

Always a favourite, it cost little more than it would to feed yourself and shows off your culinary skills. Make sure you find out if your date is allergic to or simply dislikes any food and rent a video to watch after the meal. Don’t go overboard and cook for ten people, keep it light with a fondue or starter, salad and sweet. dMake an effort setting the table, a few flowers will be romantic, use insense in the room and don’t forget to get the cork screw ready.

8. Photo Shoot Day

Pick an area that interests you both, be that urban architecture, people in work environments or rural views and go to take photos together. It is not only a way to share a passion but also a great way to record your date. Never taken a decent photo before? No time like the present to learn! You can find tips on how to take good pictures at the Easy Photography website.

9. Buy Books

If like me you and your date are avid readers then visit some charity shops and buy some books of interest, they only cost pennies. Not only will you enjoy your time digging out books that interest you both but you will also be helping the charity. Why not take along some old books you have finished with to leave for the charity to sell.

10. Charity Event

Do you have a local charity that needs some funds raised? Show your date that you care and ask them to join you on at a charity fund raiser. Whether you go round town rattling a tin or dress like a chicken at the local supermarket, your date is bound to be impressed with your philanthropic nature even if they don’t like your chicken suit.

You may also like to read my tips for 5 ways to be a great date and romantic gift ideas that dont break the bank

It doesn’t matter if you meet a thousand new people a day, if you give off the wrong signals then nobody will approach you or be recptive to your approach. Happy people are the most attractive, so when you are going out make sure you are there to enjoy yourself and not just looking to find a date.

Here are 4 tips to follow when looking to meet a nice man or woman:

1. Online Dating:

Don’t just join the first dating site that comes up on google or the one with the biggest advertising budget. Spend time searching the net, there are online dating sites to suit everyone.

Work out what matters in your life and then use those words to search the internet. Niche market sites may not have a million people around the world signed up but they are much more likely to share your interests.

An example is my dating site for UK countryside and rural lovers, which means the people you meet will be from the UK and share your love of the UK countryside or understand the loneliness that can come with rural life.

2. Joining a Club or Class:

Persevere, many people sign up to a new club or class to find a dating partner, take one look, don’t spot anyone they fancy dating and give up. Wrong attitude … for a start you are way too focussed on meeting someone and not focussed enough on living your life.

You just joined so at some point in time Mr or Ms Right may just join too. However that is not the reason to stick at it, when you become an established member of the group you will begin to communicate with other members. This leads to invitations to parties or other group events, it may also introduce you to single family or friends of other members.

Ladies a flower arranging class is unlikely to reveal Prince Charming and guys, a Landrover mechanics course has very few available women …… think about the classes or groups you are joining.

3. Through Work:

I don’t recommend dating someone in your own office but is there a seminar coming up that you can get on to? A product launch you can volunteer to do market research for or work on a launch stand?

The idea here is to go to places with new people and when you are there circulate, you just never know who you might meet. Ensure you have business cards with you and network, it is not only the people you meet but the people they know that can help you to find the right partner.

4. Friends and Family:

Nobody likes to walk around with a sign saying single and looking for love but do your friends and family actually know you are looking or do they think you are “concentrating on your career”?

It is surprising how many people keep their desire for a partner a secret, in the past two decades being a happy singleton has become the fashionable thing to do but if that life isn’t for you then don’t get taken in by the hype and let people that care about you know.

Or have you said you have had a great time and will call, whilst knowing you have no intention of ever keeping their number let alone calling it?

1. Do you want to see them again? Did they rock your world or have you got that “you’ll do for now” feeling? Do not arrange a second date just to fill in time or because you hate rejecting people. Only arrange a further date if you simply can’t wait to see them again, if there is no chemistry on the first date then I doubt there will be any on a second or third date.

2. Who should pay for the date? …. sorry guys but this one is down to you on a first date. Never get the bill and start adding up who ate what or had what to drink, that is tacky and makes you look cheap. On a second or third date it is down to you who pays or if you split the bill, communication is the key.

3. Don’t play with people’s feelings in order not to hurt them, it is never easy saying to someone they are not what you are looking for. Avoid cliches like “you are lovely but” or I’m just not ready”, there is no need to explain anything just say you don’t think you are right for each other and if they start asking questions about what is wrong with them they have a confidence problem and that is not your problem, just repeat you don’t think are right for each other and make a quick exit.

4. Don’t get down on bended knee, start discussing how many children you want or declaring undying love in the early stages of dating. This smacks of desperation, which is an unattractive quality. Even if your heart and mind are screaming “they are the one” try to keep the first few dates fun, casual and short. This gives them time to miss you and butterflies in the tummy at the thought of seeing you again.

5. The phrase “do you want to come in for coffee” is almost always interpreted as a lot more than coffee and a discussion about poetry, so make sure you want things to go further before inviting your date back to your place for coffee. You may have had a great time and simply don’t want the date to end but do you really want to be playing tonsil hockey at this stage or asking what they eat for breakfast? If not then try to arrange another date before the end of the first date, you can then put the energy into planning what to wear or where to go.

6. The first kiss ….. oh I love this part, it is always so romantic in the movies but of course in real life noses get in the way or you find they have a tongue like an eel. If you go in for the kiss then try not to explore their tonsils, just a nice friendly kiss on the lips will keep them wanting more and let you know how receptive they are to your advances.

Even if you manage to avoid removing an eye with the butter knife there are still the other restaurant obstacles to be avoided, like wearing half of your food, your inability to read french or know which form of sushi is likely to kill you, forgetting which is the red wine glass or heaven forbid being rude to the waiter in order to look ‘cool’ and in control.

Personally I would prefer a night of ten pin bowling or bungie jumping, at least then I am expected to make a total fool of myself.

However, the fact remains that most first dates are held in restaurants.

Here are a few golden rules for a successful first date eating out.

1. Don’t be adventurous. It is always tempting to say “let’s try the new Bungamelion place in town” in order to look sophisticated but if your usual idea of an adventurous meal out is sweet and sour pork or chicken korma then being faced with a menu of deep fried ostrich testicles or turtles eyes in frog spit may result in a rather embarrassing experience. Stick to the tried and tested.

2. Choose neutral ground. Book somewhere that neither of you have been before, this way if the food is dreadful it does not reflect on your personal choices and you can both complain about the awful food or service and vow never to return again. You can also suggest a second date in order to improve on the first. Lastly if you happen to find a bunny boiler then taking them to your Friday night eatery is a very bad idea, they have a habit of showing up again.

3. Be careful what you eat. Garlic breath is not your only concern when eating out, fish, coffee and spicy meat are just some of the foods that make that first kiss a bit of a nightmare. If you are making a night of it also consider avoiding beans, sprouts and anything that will cause loud unpleasant noises in the trouser regions … not to mention the aroma and when not at home you can’t blame the dog.

4. Don’t order for them. Just because you think roasted horse penis is a gourmet dish doesn’t mean they will. It may seem a romantic gesture but unless you know someones tastes ordering your favourite meal for them may end in disaster, if they don’t like the food you enjoy they will ask themselves what else about you they are not compatible with.

5. Avoid getting drunk. Drinking should relax you, not make you sing the hedgehog song half naked on the bar!! This may go down well with your mates on a Friday night but is not a good impression on a first date. Pace your drinking and don’t be lulled into the false idea that eating while you drink will stop you getting drunk and making a total idiot of yourself.

PS … when dressing for a date check out your rear view, 3 inches of cotton knickers showing is really not attractive (check out the photo above).

That does not mean dropping subtle hints and hoping they get the message, be firm and direct but try to be honest and thoughtful.

4 Don’ts When You Ditch Someone

1. Don’t use tired old cliches like “we will still be friends” or “it’s not you it’s me”. Nobody is fooled by them and it does not help mend their hurt feelings or boost their ego.

2. Don’t be a coward and send a text message or email, this makes it easier for you but not for them. Your time together was intimate so make the break up intimate too, if you need to write down how you feel then make sure you are there when they read it and answer their questions honestly.

3. Do not start a fight in order to dump someone, again a cowardly trick which only makes things easier for you.

4. Be firm and stick to your guns, being talked into giving it one more try or taking the relationship a step further in order to “mend” the relationship is very unlikely to work. Guilt does not repair a relationship so unless during the ditching conversation you get a rush of new found love for your partner then giving in to their guilt is just going to prolong the agony.

4 Do’s When You Ditch Someone

1. Choose your time and place, at their parents wedding anniversary, out with friends or in the middle of a night of passion is NOT the right time or place. Go somewhere private and get to the point quickly.

2. Take responsibility for your emotions, if they are simply not ‘the one’ say so, be honest but not insulting. If your partners jealousy or flirtation is the reason for the break up then simply say so, give them the opportunity to not make the same mistake again.

3. Finish your current relationship before moving on to the next, do not try to find a replacement before you break up with your current partner. Being told you are simply not the one or I love you but am no longer in love with you is much easier for your partner to emotionally handle in the long run than “I have met someone new”.

4. Ditch your partner in a way you would like to be ditched, none of us would “like” to be ditched but if it has to happen consider what would cause you the least hurt and follow suit. Remember the good times you had together and respect that your partner has to move on with their lives as quickly and with the least amount of pain possible in these situations.

The simple answer is “Yes, it does work if you are realistic”, well that was a short post, so I am of to the gym (as if).

However, many people approach online dating with unrealistic expectations and therefore fail to find anyone to have a relationship with. Advertising for online dating sites adds to the unrealistic mental images of online dating.

Think about Match.com and their ‘meet someone in 6 months or you get 6 months free’ guarantee …. wow their site must have a thousand Mr Right’s just for me, woopee!!

The trouble is there is nothing in their terms of use to explain what “meet someone” actually means and the average person will assume it means meet someone you are compatible with and can date long term but the cynic in me doubts that is their meaning.

This kind of advertising leads us into a false sense of reality and anyone joining an online dating site for the first time will be rather disappointed when Mr/Miss Right fails to appear in the first 2 dates.

Online dating takes time and effort, you have to learn how to read between the lines of dating profiles, recognise red flags and usually have a few unsuccessful dates before anyone right for you appears.

Just because someone seems perfect for you online or on the telephone doesn’t mean there will be any chemistry between you.

Take time and keep your expectations low, have fun and make some new friends online but don’t expect that someone special to just fall out of the cyber sky in the first week.

One of my most repeated tips for online dating is to find a site with like-minded people, that way you already share some interests with the other members. If you live in Germany and love skydiving then look for a site based in Germany that specialises in extreme sport enthusiasts. If you live in UK and love the countryside then join a rural online dating site.

Online dating is not rocket science, just choose the right site, chat to lots of people and don’t expect too much too soon.

You talk on the phone for three hours and two minutes after you put the phone down you get a text message saying “did I tell you how much I love you?”.

NOT GOOD ….. this is called smothering. It may seem cute for the first few weeks of passionate lust but is a sign of impending doom.

Anyone who is that dependent upon your attention is going to become a royal pain very quickly, jealousy and neediness are just two of the problems you will face.

Your partner may feel they are just showing you the love they feel for you but how can you miss someone and appreciate their company if they never leave your side for a moment? This is not love, it is needy selfish insecurity and is not a healthy way to carry out a relationship.

To gauge whether you are heading for a serious smothering test your new partner:

1. Next time they call just say “sorry I have to call someone but will speak to you later” … how do they react. Do they huff, think of something vital they HAVE to tell you now or simply accept what you say and say they will wait for your call?

2. Have a night off from them, say you need a night in watching Blue Peter re-runs or washing your hair. Do they call you seven times, find a reason to just pop round or go out with their friends?

3. When you are with them and hear you have a text message or call pretend you haven’t heard it and go to the bathroom. Do they take a quick look to see who is contacting you, actually read the message/answer the phone or simply tell you that you have a missed call?

4. Take note of your own thoughts and reactions. When the phone rings and it is your partner … again …. what is your immediate reaction? Do you think “what now”, “oh no not again” or “great it’s the person I love”.

At last your message box says you have a new contact … woohoo the game is afoot and you reach for the reply button….. but wait, have you considered whether you are compatible?

Here are 5 tips for you to consider before you reply to online dating site messages:

1. Looks really aren’t everything. Don’t just look at the main profile photo and decide they are worth contacting. Check out their other photo’s, are they in situations you may enjoy? If their photo shows cats in every one and you are allergic to cats it may be worth waiting for the next candidate. Also if they only have one photo then after a couple of emails ask to see other photos before you commit to meeting them.

2. Read between the lines of the profile and don’t fill in the blanks from your imagination. The most obvious example would be smoking, if the profile says “trying to give up” and you can’t be in the same room as a smoker then this is not the person for you. If you can be around smokers but would hope your partner is not a smoker then chat in your messages about how they are doing with giving up. As you read the profile write down questions and if you decide to respond then ask question to allow the person to fill in the real blanks, not your imaginary version.

3. Is their message personal to you? Have they asked you about something on your profile or commented on something you have in common? If not consider that a generic message can be sent to anyone and everyone, these are used to fish for possible responses and the sender has often not considered your possible compatibility. Make it a rule that you only respond to messages personal to you but not overly personal (eg love your pic email me on spammer @nigeria.com).

4. Don’t give out too much information. When responding to online dating site messages picture yourself in a cafe or bar with someone on a first date, how much information would you feel comfortable revealing about yourself? It is easy to get carried away when sending messages over the internet, it is easier to reveal more about yourself than you would in real life because the person is not sitting looking at you.

5. Don’t believe everything you read.