In large workplaces ‘office romances’ are inevitable but being mature and setting ground rules from the start can save a lot of problems in the future.

It has never been a good idea to date a work colleague, to the point where many companies these days have included something about it in their company policy.

It causes particular problems when one person is superior to the other in authority. Read my experience of dating a work colleague, the companies reaction and how it affected my career.

Even where favouritism is not an issue, if your relationship is known then accusations will usually lead in that direction.

However, love finds us where it can and sometimes we have to make life choices that are not just about our career.

It’s easy to think you can keep the romance until after hours but unless strict ground rules are in place and adhered to then little glances will soon become naughty little emails and giggling behind the water cooler.

After a fight in your relationship there is nothing more obvious and uncomfortable for others than hostility between you at work.

Unfortunately there is a side to office romance that is anything but romantic, you need to sit together and discuss a game plan at the start of the relationship. Remember when you have this discussion you are not only making choices about your love life but about your career too.

Some rules to consider:

1. Establish before you return to work whether you are now in a relationship or whether it was a holiday fling.

2. If it is a relationship then decide whether you are going to let it be generally known in the office or workplace. Should you discuss your relationship with Human Resources or your boss (this will depend on the company and the job posts you both hold).

3. If not then discuss how you should answer any questions should anyone get curious or suspicious and how to handle things if your secret becomes known.

4. If you do choose to make your relationship public knowledge then Keep it Professional. Don’t use your company computers to send love emails to each other, don’t sit in meetings holding hands under the table or meet in the stationary cupboard for a quick snog.

5. Consider other people’s feelings, you may be madly in love and can’t keep your hands off each other but other people are just going about their work and don’t need to be distracted.

6. What will happen if you break up? Nobody gets into a relationship anticipating a break up but they do happen so how will you handle things if your relationship doesn’t work out? Do you work in different departments and can therefore avoid each other or is your secretary suddenly going to start slamming files down on your desk and rushing out in tears?

There is always the old ‘has been’ that gets plastered and thinks he is casanova and all the 20 year old secretaries are dying for some of what he has got or the female vamp that thinks she can use her authority to get the young men to ‘pay her some attention’ under the mistleoe.

I doubt it is normal for you to get roaring drunk and dance to “I’m too sexy” whilst stripping off to your undies on a monday morning in the office, so why would you do it at the office party? The office party is an extension of your workplace, your colleagues and employers are not your mates out to paint the town red, so retain your dignity and follow these tips to ensure you remain employed after the holiday season is over.

1. What to Wear

It is a great time to show a more relaxed, attractive side to yourself rather than the boring grey suit or white blouse and pencil skirt but don’t go too far, the boob tube and ultra mini skirt are not appropriate. Too much cleavage, thigh or the rude t-shirt you bought on holiday is not going to impress the boss and may well damage your reputation at work. Wear party clothes that allow you to look elegant and attractive without looking like the office bike.

2. Timing is Everything

Ensure you arrive on time and don’t stay too long. If you are in the festive mood then arrange to meet your friends after the party is over, where you can let your hair down and be as silly as you like. Remember your new mantra ‘the office party is still the office’ so make sure you stay until after the boss has left, they will usually make a quick exit knowing the employees want to have fun.

3. Alternate Drinks

Getting roaring drunk and trying to touch up Tracey from personnel or telling the boss he is a fat, bald useless twat may seem like a good idea at the time but is always a very bad idea at the office party. Alternate your drinks between something alcoholic and something soft to stay relatively sober and avoid such undignified behaviour. If you start to feel you are getting drunk switch to soft drinks and stay away from members of the opposite sex (especially the bosses wife).

4. Not a First Date

You have fancied someone in the office rotten for ages so surely the office party is the perfect place to make your move … right? Wrong, oh so wrong. First consider the pro’s and con’s of dating a work colleague before you consider making any advances. Yes it is a good place to get to know them and let them know of your intentions, perhaps even manage to arrange a first date but it is not in itself a date. Don’t spend all night following each other around like love sick puppies or ignore your other colleagues, just swap numbers or arrange a date and then spend the night doing the ‘eyes across a crowded room’ thing. Always remember that anyone you approach is also someone that you have to see again in the office so rejection may lead to embarrassment for both of you, make sure you can read ‘yes I am interested’ signals before asking out a work colleague.

5. Bringing a Date

Only consider bringing a date if it stated that the party is for employees and their partners. Don’t bring someone you met last week that you can’t keep your hands off or heaven forbid use it as a first date venue for someone you have not been out with before. You want to be professional in your work so don’t ruin things by spending the Christmas party with your tongue down someone’s throat.

6. Have Fun

It is possible to have fun without getting drunk and throwing up in the waste paper basket … no honestly it is. Join in the festivities, get up and have a dance or sing-song and show them there is more to you than they have thus far seen (more personality not more flesh). Enjoy the party but remember that you have to see these people again on Monday morning so being caught with Sharon from packing having a knee trembler in the loo is perhaps not going to seem like such a good idea when you are sober (especially if you are Sharon from packing).

We spend roughly a third of our week sleeping and almost a third at work, so it is not surprising that many people meet their partners at or through work. Some of these relationships work out very well but others can turn into something Alfred Hitchcock could have written.

The difficulty is not during the meeting stage or the dating stage, it is the break up stage that causes a problem in the work place. Of course that is not something we anticipate when we first meet and fall in love with someone but is something we should carefully consider when deciding whether to date a work colleague.

Many years ago I had been dating an employee, as the boss of the office my relationship was not known throughout the company, until we got engaged that is. I rang my Director to let him know about my engagement and the very next day was summoned to head office. Despite having received an outstanding annual review just two months previously, I was advised in no uncertain terms that if they could legally dismiss me they would and all eyes would now be on me.

Obviously I was furious, how could my private love life affect my work or my colleagues? We had been seeing each other for months and there had been no adverse effects.

The attitude of my Director and other Managers in the company changed completely and life began to get rather unpleasant. People were looking for favouritism, romantic liaisons in work time and signs that I was slacking in my work. I found it all very insulting as I was totally committed to my career.

Then things in my relationship began to go wrong and very quickly deteriorated, as we both lived and worked together, having no opportunity for space or ‘me time’. As I was the only female in the building my fiance began getting jealous if I held a business meeting he was not invited to and this caused arguments at home.

I was not willing to give up the career I had worked so hard for and he enjoyed his work and felt secure with the company, so was also reluctant to leave.

The inevitable happened and we split up. How on earth were we going to work together while we went through the healing process? My ex fiance simply went off sick, causing problems for his co-workers who had to take on extra work.

I received all the I told you so messeages by my management colleagues in person, by phone, fax and email. It was clear their confidence and trust in my abilities were shattered. It took two short months before I did the honourable thing and resigned, leaving behind a career I dearly loved, a beautiful company car and most of my pride.

The entire industry knew about my ‘experience’ and I therefore had to look for a job in a new industry, setting my career back by about five years and drastically reducing my salary.

To make matters worse about four years later, after I had rebuilt my career, I received a call from my previous employers asking me to send their lawyers a statement about the entire incident. It seemed that my ex fiance was suing them and stated in his complaint that he had been sexually harassed by me (completely forgetting to mention we had lived together and were engaged to be married). I provided the statement and of course the case was dropped but it was enough to put me off ever dating at work again.

Joy Huber looks at this issue in her article Dating someone you work with – do or don’t? and if my story isn’t enough to put you off dating at work then there is a valuable lesson at the end of the article The Perils of Dating at Work by Top Dating Tips.

With this experience I clearly come down on the side of being against dating at work but if you have had a successful work/romantic relationship then we would love to hear about it so please leave a comment.