There are now various forms of online dating services but they all tend to boil down to two types of service:

1. Database Searches

The dating website you join will have a database of members that have all uploaded a profile (answers to a set of questions about their lifestyle and personality). Once you register with the site you will be required to complete a profile and are then free to search the database of members to find people you find interesting and wish to communicate with.

You then send out an intial private message or flirt (flirts are not taken seriously, they are simply a way of showing interest in another member) and wait to see if they respond. Once you are communicating on a regular basis and feel comfortable doing so, you can swap telephone numbers and arrange to meet offline.

You will also hear about social networking sites like facebook and twitter but they are exactly the same principle as online dating websites. They are a database of members and you can search for people you either know or would like to get to know, based on the information they provide in their profile.

2. Private Introduction Agencies

The database works in the same way as above but members are not free to search the profiles. Each member will be required to complete a profile and then agency staff will search for suitable members they feel will be compatable with you.

You are then sent basic details and a photo of the people the agency feel you would be suited to and you can choose who to contact. Agencies differ at this stage, with some allowing you to contact members directly and others requiring you to make initial contact through the agency.

There is also speed dating but that comes in two forms online, either a database search as above or a place to register to meet at speed dating events offline.

If you haven’t yet tried online dating then here are some things to consider when asking yourself does online dating work and of course, like anything, if you believe it won’t then it won’t.

There are four distinct advantages to online dating rather than offline:

1. Available people.

Even if you go out every night of the week, all year long, it will take you a long time to meet hundreds or even thousands of new people and how many will be actively looking for a partner? With online dating hundreds or thousands prospective dates are at your fingertips within minutes.

2. Rejection

None of us like rejection and the fear of being rejected can often mean that the “eyes across a crowded room” remain just that, a flirtatious look and nothing more. Receiving a private message that says “thanks but you’re not what I am looking for” or no reply at all, is much easier to accept and less humiliating than a public rejection.

Never get depressed about online rejection, just remember that we now live in a world where we demand so many choices and when you receive a rejection simply look through profiles you would reject (perhaps based on height, weight, interests, etc) and remind yourself that nobody is perfect for everyone.

3. Cost

The cost of going out every weekend (clothes, smellies, hair, etc as well as the cost of drinks, food, taxi’s etc) can seriously mount up and if you don’t meet anyone new it can be a let down when you get home. With online dating you simply switch on the computer. Dating websites range from free to a few hundred pounds a year, so you can choose a site that suits your budget, log in every evening and dress any way you feel comfortable.

4. Geography

With online dating you can meet people in a 50 mile radius to the other side of the world, the choice is yours and you don’t even have to leave your armchair. Most people like to date within or near to their home town but with online dating you can meet someone from the next street that you have never seen because they don’t go out to the same places you do.

The next issue is to search for a dating website that will suit you and your expectations. Here are some tips on how to choose a good online dating service and I cannot stress enough how important this step is, particularly if you are seriously looking for a long term relationship.

There used to be a stigma attached to online dating but that is no more, there is no longer a need to make up a story of how you met rather than admit you met online. People of all ages are dating online, some more successfully than others but we will discuss why that may be in future posts.

The next post in the beginners guide will take an in depth look at how to search for dating sites that will suit you, including some of the advertising ploys used to get you to join up but for now at least we know what online dating is.

If you met someone in a bar and chatted for half an hour would you hand them your number? How much would you need to know about them before giving out your personal details?

The only difference with online encounters is we are never totally sure of who we are talking to, there is no eye contact or body language to get impressions from.

Because some weird people hang out online it makes us wary of everyone we meet on the internet but with a little forethought the net is no more dangerous than going to a bar and giving out your number to someone you meet.

Here are a couple of ways you can feel more confident before handing out your phone number to online contacts:

Use The Dating Websites Resources

It is amazing how many people send an initial contact message saying here is my phone number and email, please contact me and we can chat. Are you kidding me?! That is the same as walking up to a total stranger in the street and saying here’s my number call me, it may work for James Bond but he’s a fictional character. Set a personal rule that you will not move off the website until you have spoken 8 or 10 times to someone, it’s called respecting boundaries. Use whatever resources the dating website provides, send flirts, personal messages, use the forum, webcams or arrange to meet in the chatroom one night at 9pm (use private chat rooms if they have the facility). If someone seems desperate to get off the website to chat, then ask yourself why, what is their desperation about and do you really want to meet someone desperate. This is a particular red flag if you are looking for a serious relationship.

Start with email

Set up a free email account just for dating and give that to the person you are chatting to but add some rules. The rules are not important, you can say don’t email on a weekend because your sister uses the email account and you don’t want her reading your emails or not to add any attachments or your computer will block the messages. The point of the rules is simply to see whether they abide by them, are they listening to you and working to build your trust or just doing their own thing regardless. Anyone that can’t follow a couple of simple rules for emails may just be the type to send 40 text messages a day or call you at 4am for a chat.

Webcam Chats

Don’t hand out your phone number until you have spoken on webcam, this way you at least know if the person has represented themselves truthfully on their profile and can see body language. It is best if the woman suggests a webcam chat during the day. Genuine men are often wary about asking for a webcam chat in case the woman thinks he is being pervy. By suggesting an afternoon webcam chat the woman is setting the boundaries, which would rarely be taken as anything other than a genuine request for a ‘face to face’ chat.

A Dating Phone

When you are ready to give them your phone number pick up a cheap or used mobile phone and a pay as you go sim card. You can do this for about £25 and carry it with you as a second phone or simply check for messages and missed calls when you get home. If you then get inappropriate calls or messages from someone then you can simply throw away the pay as you go card and get a new one, this way you don’t have to let family and friends know about a change of number but can soon deal with pesky callers.

Call Boundaries

When you give out your number set some boundaries, state that you don’t want to receive calls or texts after 1am or during 9-5 when you will be at work. Some people get carried away when they first get your number and want to talk all the time, this can be very flattering at first but try to think longer term, will 20 text messages a day start to annoy you after a couple of weeks? It may be that you will love the attention, only you can decide but to happily respond to 20 messages a day in the first couple of weeks and then tell them they are stalking you when you get tired of the number of calls or messages is a little unfair, start as you mean to go on and don’t give out mixed signals.

Use your gut feeling and experience when asked for your number, if you are not 100% happy to do so then don’t give it out, simply say you are not ready to speak directly yet. If they decide they can’t wait around then take it as a lucky escape. Don’t be pressurised into giving out your personal details, choose wisely when to give out your phone number.