The new term should be Hopper. Some people just hop from one to the next. I believe people who use the term “player” loosely are referring to the people who don’t know how to give a inch of courtesy as to letting the person they were chatting with know they are no longer interested. People call those people players because quite obviously they feel bad about silently getting kicked to the curb, also the same feeling people get when used by a player.

It’s not cardiovascular surgery to tell someone “I’m sorry, I’m not interested” unless you just don’t give a damn in the first place.. another attribute linked to players.

That may be your particular situation. I’m pretty sure the article is referring to persons who hunt for people on dating sites for sex, lathering sugar over their words to make their target fall for their trap. Not a few gilted woman still smarting over a no call back unless that no call back came directly after sleeping with her. I’m glad I found this website. I started talking to this guy on a free dating site. He sounds too good to be true, I’m still not sure if he is a player or not since we both established we aren’t sleeping together any time soon, but who knows. He might have the patience to go a few months if he has other girls already lined up. Of course you can never tell but if walks like a duck…

On the same token, he may very well be sincere. I will just be observant and my usual pleasant self because again with the duck… If it floats like a duck, it must be made of wood and therefore a witch. Some people you can tell right away, others are very skilled as mentioned above but everyone slips up sometime, you just have to be in the right mindset to acknowledge the slip up and not write it off.

Oh my, as I was reading this thread, I swear it could’ve been the same guy that I “dated” for almost 3 yrs! All the striking characteristics: always busy with work/taking care of sick parents(even used his mom’s death once…geez, he sure handled it well, too well, or I was just too naive) And yeah, he had a stalker too! Lost count of how many times he stood me up last minute, ignored all my phone calls and countless of text messages. All the right things I wanted to hear, fancy sweet future together… But I honestly thought he would at least had the basic courtesy to come clean if it all was just lies? Just how could anyone play with others’ feelings like that? Perhaps part of me just don’t want to admit that I’d been played like a fool. It’s reassuring in a way knowing I wasn’t the only one.

Wow!! I just got played, big time!! Not even on a dating website, I suspected strongly that he was a player….. and I was right. Really wished that i had read the information on this site sooner, I would have cut this guy off long agoe.

Thank you so much for all the advise, very informative.

Did you want to be friends with benefits or did you just agree because you wanted something and hoped it would grow into more?

As long as you are sure of what you are doing then great, enjoy your weekends but if you are allowing him to play you just for the affection you do get from him then please think again, there is only hurt down that road.

Remember you are not an observer in your life, you can only be a victim in this situation if you allow yourself to be and you can end it at any time you want.

Ok, so this is a reply that will have people both disapproving and quite possibly agreeing with what I have to say.

In terms of online dating, I have dated them all, the desperate ones who won’t leave you alone, the boring ones, the funny ones that end up just being your friends and those that have severe mental problems. But just as I was about to give up, I mailed a guy whose profile I saw just for the fun of it. His picture wasn’t particularly flattering and his words about himself were as generic as the rest…except the one line: I WILL REPLY. Well, I have a habit of picking up pieces of peoples profiles and asking them about it. And we got talking. It was very natural, we could talk about anything. I guess I should’ve realised when it went to cyber so quickly and then suddenly he had strong feelings for me….

Well, I was vulnerable and he knew that. I held off for a long time on my feelings. I’ve always had trust issues, why would I be any different with this guy. But it carried on for so long, I started to believe it. I felt the “same” way, great! No, not great. We met finally, had a date, went back to his, spent an amazing four days together. The day after that, he was still all about the love and how amazing I was to him. And then suddenly, I had a text about how he had to concentrate on work, he’s in his final year, leaving soon etc. etc. etc. One had to question why he hadn’t thought of this before? But of course he had. What was I to him except a conquest?

Soon after breaking up, he texted me asking if we could just be sex friends. Sure I should’ve said no, that would be classed as the sensible thing to do. But no, I carried that on too. Except I barred all possible feelings towards him away. Now, considering we are just friends with benefits, he still refers to me as my love etc. (BARF!) Sorry, excuse me for being cynical. We see each other every weekend for this and I know he is still going on the dating site everyday.

I am being played, I know it, and it hurt like hell. But hey, he’s a pro, and so all I can say is, now I know he’s a player and I expect nothing more from him, there are some serious advantages

And that is my story and why the most part of the population would very much disapprove of my methods. I only wish I’d read this article sooner. It really hit home. I hope it helps other women from ending up in a similar position.

Thanks for telling us your experiences. You’re right we must all protect ourselves and unfortunately the way players behave makes all of us text and call to try to find out what’s going on, then people get accused of behaving like a stalker!!!