It doesn’t matter if you meet a thousand new people a day, if you give off the wrong signals then nobody will approach you or be recptive to your approach. Happy people are the most attractive, so when you are going out make sure you are there to enjoy yourself and not just looking to find a date.

Here are 4 tips to follow when looking to meet a nice man or woman:

1. Online Dating:

Don’t just join the first dating site that comes up on google or the one with the biggest advertising budget. Spend time searching the net, there are online dating sites to suit everyone.

Work out what matters in your life and then use those words to search the internet. Niche market sites may not have a million people around the world signed up but they are much more likely to share your interests.

An example is my dating site for UK countryside and rural lovers, which means the people you meet will be from the UK and share your love of the UK countryside or understand the loneliness that can come with rural life.

2. Joining a Club or Class:

Persevere, many people sign up to a new club or class to find a dating partner, take one look, don’t spot anyone they fancy dating and give up. Wrong attitude … for a start you are way too focussed on meeting someone and not focussed enough on living your life.

You just joined so at some point in time Mr or Ms Right may just join too. However that is not the reason to stick at it, when you become an established member of the group you will begin to communicate with other members. This leads to invitations to parties or other group events, it may also introduce you to single family or friends of other members.

Ladies a flower arranging class is unlikely to reveal Prince Charming and guys, a Landrover mechanics course has very few available women …… think about the classes or groups you are joining.

3. Through Work:

I don’t recommend dating someone in your own office but is there a seminar coming up that you can get on to? A product launch you can volunteer to do market research for or work on a launch stand?

The idea here is to go to places with new people and when you are there circulate, you just never know who you might meet. Ensure you have business cards with you and network, it is not only the people you meet but the people they know that can help you to find the right partner.

4. Friends and Family:

Nobody likes to walk around with a sign saying single and looking for love but do your friends and family actually know you are looking or do they think you are “concentrating on your career”?

It is surprising how many people keep their desire for a partner a secret, in the past two decades being a happy singleton has become the fashionable thing to do but if that life isn’t for you then don’t get taken in by the hype and let people that care about you know.

Snogging for those that don’t speak UK English is a passionate kiss. You can kiss your mother or grandmother but you can’t snog them. You can also kiss your children but would get arrested if you snogged them.

Learning to snog your partner well would have to be one of my top dating tips of all time, it is so important to let your partner know you yearn for them.

The secret to a really passionate, sensual snog is to not do anything that makes it uncomfortable for the person you are kissing.

So don’t smother them to the point of not being able to breath, make sure they are not bent double thinking about the pain in their back rather than the kiss, don’t let a lot of your saliva into their mouth and make sure you have clean teeth.

Here are some tips for giving a great, knee weakening snog:

1. Watch out for noses, they tend to get in the way. Begin to angle your head as you move your faces closer.

2. Begin with a closed lip to lip kiss, don’t just stick your tongue straight in their mouth.

3. Slightly part your lips, kiss slowly and sensually to begin with.

4. Gently slide your tongue over their lips … remember the idea to a good passionate kiss is to build up to a point of hunger, the feeling of wanting to eat each other and this takes time.

5. Hold your partner while you snog them, either the back of their head, their waist or the sides of their face. Slowly stroke their skin while you kiss.

6. Now let your tongue touch theirs. Don’t just go round and round in circles, play with their tongue. Suck it, push it to the floor of their mouth, explore their teeth and have some fun chasing their tongue round.

7. By this time your partner should be breathing heavily, with weak knees and you can move to kissing their ears or throat.

A really passionate snog can tell a person how much you want them and there is nothing better to get you in the mood than knowing your partner really wants you. Believe me there is a huge difference between a kiss that says it is my job to kiss you and a snog that says I want you now …. guess which one has the best results!!

So take time over snogging, enjoy it and make sure your partner enjoys it. Let’s celebrate snogging by making our partners’ knees go weak tonight.

Or have you said you have had a great time and will call, whilst knowing you have no intention of ever keeping their number let alone calling it?

1. Do you want to see them again? Did they rock your world or have you got that “you’ll do for now” feeling? Do not arrange a second date just to fill in time or because you hate rejecting people. Only arrange a further date if you simply can’t wait to see them again, if there is no chemistry on the first date then I doubt there will be any on a second or third date.

2. Who should pay for the date? …. sorry guys but this one is down to you on a first date. Never get the bill and start adding up who ate what or had what to drink, that is tacky and makes you look cheap. On a second or third date it is down to you who pays or if you split the bill, communication is the key.

3. Don’t play with people’s feelings in order not to hurt them, it is never easy saying to someone they are not what you are looking for. Avoid cliches like “you are lovely but” or I’m just not ready”, there is no need to explain anything just say you don’t think you are right for each other and if they start asking questions about what is wrong with them they have a confidence problem and that is not your problem, just repeat you don’t think are right for each other and make a quick exit.

4. Don’t get down on bended knee, start discussing how many children you want or declaring undying love in the early stages of dating. This smacks of desperation, which is an unattractive quality. Even if your heart and mind are screaming “they are the one” try to keep the first few dates fun, casual and short. This gives them time to miss you and butterflies in the tummy at the thought of seeing you again.

5. The phrase “do you want to come in for coffee” is almost always interpreted as a lot more than coffee and a discussion about poetry, so make sure you want things to go further before inviting your date back to your place for coffee. You may have had a great time and simply don’t want the date to end but do you really want to be playing tonsil hockey at this stage or asking what they eat for breakfast? If not then try to arrange another date before the end of the first date, you can then put the energy into planning what to wear or where to go.

6. The first kiss ….. oh I love this part, it is always so romantic in the movies but of course in real life noses get in the way or you find they have a tongue like an eel. If you go in for the kiss then try not to explore their tonsils, just a nice friendly kiss on the lips will keep them wanting more and let you know how receptive they are to your advances.

What was that tv programme called where items went past on a conveyor belt and contestants had a few seconds to remember them? They then won any items they recalled, with the audience shouting out ’set of pans, record player and cuddly toy’. I don’t remember the name of the show but I do remember it was quite difficult to remember all the items.

If you are old enough to remember the show then you have an idea of what speed dating is all about. It is basically a conveyor belt of people that you interview as potential dates and then you write on cards who you would like to hear from. If they also write your name as a potential date then your contact details are exchanged.

So here you are, you have decided to give it a go, you are sat in a chair at a restaurant type table and get to ask a set number of questions to people as they hop from table to table. Just check out the photo on Swift Dater, is it only me who thinks that looks more like lunch at a business conference than somewhere to meet the potential love of your life?

Just check out some of the names for these companies and you will immediately see what it’s all about … with names like swift dater or fast impressions … anyone else reminded of the Blind Date tv show with Cilla Black?

There is no reason for it not to work, let’s be honest it only takes a moment in a supermarket queue or to see the hunky new delivery guy in your office to feel chemistry and start daydreaming about a date with them.

However in my mind I think chance encounters are far more exiting than a queue of people there for an interview.

Clearly I am not a fan of speed dating and any dating advice I gave would not include speed dating but I do admit I have never tried it. If you have tried it and either loved or loathed it please leave a comment and let us know about your experiences.

Even if you manage to avoid removing an eye with the butter knife there are still the other restaurant obstacles to be avoided, like wearing half of your food, your inability to read french or know which form of sushi is likely to kill you, forgetting which is the red wine glass or heaven forbid being rude to the waiter in order to look ‘cool’ and in control.

Personally I would prefer a night of ten pin bowling or bungie jumping, at least then I am expected to make a total fool of myself.

However, the fact remains that most first dates are held in restaurants.

Here are a few golden rules for a successful first date eating out.

1. Don’t be adventurous. It is always tempting to say “let’s try the new Bungamelion place in town” in order to look sophisticated but if your usual idea of an adventurous meal out is sweet and sour pork or chicken korma then being faced with a menu of deep fried ostrich testicles or turtles eyes in frog spit may result in a rather embarrassing experience. Stick to the tried and tested.

2. Choose neutral ground. Book somewhere that neither of you have been before, this way if the food is dreadful it does not reflect on your personal choices and you can both complain about the awful food or service and vow never to return again. You can also suggest a second date in order to improve on the first. Lastly if you happen to find a bunny boiler then taking them to your Friday night eatery is a very bad idea, they have a habit of showing up again.

3. Be careful what you eat. Garlic breath is not your only concern when eating out, fish, coffee and spicy meat are just some of the foods that make that first kiss a bit of a nightmare. If you are making a night of it also consider avoiding beans, sprouts and anything that will cause loud unpleasant noises in the trouser regions … not to mention the aroma and when not at home you can’t blame the dog.

4. Don’t order for them. Just because you think roasted horse penis is a gourmet dish doesn’t mean they will. It may seem a romantic gesture but unless you know someones tastes ordering your favourite meal for them may end in disaster, if they don’t like the food you enjoy they will ask themselves what else about you they are not compatible with.

5. Avoid getting drunk. Drinking should relax you, not make you sing the hedgehog song half naked on the bar!! This may go down well with your mates on a Friday night but is not a good impression on a first date. Pace your drinking and don’t be lulled into the false idea that eating while you drink will stop you getting drunk and making a total idiot of yourself.

PS … when dressing for a date check out your rear view, 3 inches of cotton knickers showing is really not attractive (check out the photo above).

That does not mean dropping subtle hints and hoping they get the message, be firm and direct but try to be honest and thoughtful.

4 Don’ts When You Ditch Someone

1. Don’t use tired old cliches like “we will still be friends” or “it’s not you it’s me”. Nobody is fooled by them and it does not help mend their hurt feelings or boost their ego.

2. Don’t be a coward and send a text message or email, this makes it easier for you but not for them. Your time together was intimate so make the break up intimate too, if you need to write down how you feel then make sure you are there when they read it and answer their questions honestly.

3. Do not start a fight in order to dump someone, again a cowardly trick which only makes things easier for you.

4. Be firm and stick to your guns, being talked into giving it one more try or taking the relationship a step further in order to “mend” the relationship is very unlikely to work. Guilt does not repair a relationship so unless during the ditching conversation you get a rush of new found love for your partner then giving in to their guilt is just going to prolong the agony.

4 Do’s When You Ditch Someone

1. Choose your time and place, at their parents wedding anniversary, out with friends or in the middle of a night of passion is NOT the right time or place. Go somewhere private and get to the point quickly.

2. Take responsibility for your emotions, if they are simply not ‘the one’ say so, be honest but not insulting. If your partners jealousy or flirtation is the reason for the break up then simply say so, give them the opportunity to not make the same mistake again.

3. Finish your current relationship before moving on to the next, do not try to find a replacement before you break up with your current partner. Being told you are simply not the one or I love you but am no longer in love with you is much easier for your partner to emotionally handle in the long run than “I have met someone new”.

4. Ditch your partner in a way you would like to be ditched, none of us would “like” to be ditched but if it has to happen consider what would cause you the least hurt and follow suit. Remember the good times you had together and respect that your partner has to move on with their lives as quickly and with the least amount of pain possible in these situations.

There is also a competition you can enter at the ad site The Seeds of Love

The simple answer is “Yes, it does work if you are realistic”, well that was a short post, so I am of to the gym (as if).

However, many people approach online dating with unrealistic expectations and therefore fail to find anyone to have a relationship with. Advertising for online dating sites adds to the unrealistic mental images of online dating.

Think about Match.com and their ‘meet someone in 6 months or you get 6 months free’ guarantee …. wow their site must have a thousand Mr Right’s just for me, woopee!!

The trouble is there is nothing in their terms of use to explain what “meet someone” actually means and the average person will assume it means meet someone you are compatible with and can date long term but the cynic in me doubts that is their meaning.

This kind of advertising leads us into a false sense of reality and anyone joining an online dating site for the first time will be rather disappointed when Mr/Miss Right fails to appear in the first 2 dates.

Online dating takes time and effort, you have to learn how to read between the lines of dating profiles, recognise red flags and usually have a few unsuccessful dates before anyone right for you appears.

Just because someone seems perfect for you online or on the telephone doesn’t mean there will be any chemistry between you.

Take time and keep your expectations low, have fun and make some new friends online but don’t expect that someone special to just fall out of the cyber sky in the first week.

One of my most repeated tips for online dating is to find a site with like-minded people, that way you already share some interests with the other members. If you live in Germany and love skydiving then look for a site based in Germany that specialises in extreme sport enthusiasts. If you live in UK and love the countryside then join a rural online dating site.

Online dating is not rocket science, just choose the right site, chat to lots of people and don’t expect too much too soon.

Most extra marital affairs begin the same way, the husband doesn’t show enough affection to the wife and the wife withdraws from their sexual partnership. It’s an age old problem within marriages, the boredom factor.

It does not matter whether the husband withdraws affection first or the wife withdraws sex, the result is the same a spiraling emotional black hole.

A vast majority of women need affection from their partner in order to stay in love, they have to be kissed, touched and made to feel loved or they simply have no emotional desire for sex.

The opposite side of this emotional rollercoaster is that a vast majority of men need regular sex from their partner in order to feel or show affection toward them. Withdrawal of sex on the woman’s part will simply lead to frustration, lack of emotional attention and a wandering eye.

It is difficult to keep the magic alive in a marriage and it does take effort from both parties.

The attitude of ‘I should only have sex when I want to but I only want to once a year’ is simply not meeting your partners needs.

Similarly the attitude of ‘why do I have to hug and kiss her, I’m married to her aren’t I’ is going to get you as much bedroom action as an inmate in solitary confinement.

If your relationship has started on this slippery slope then it is time for one of you to take the initiative and start dialogue. Talk openly about why you have withdrawn from your sex life or why you don’t show her any affection.

If your husband only shows you affection as a prelude to sex then you need to get him told, it is possible and preferable to show affection at any time of day or night without expecting it to lead to sex.

Believe me guys if you show affection to the woman in your life on a regular basis she is far less likely to withdraw sex.

In the same vein ladies, if you withdraw sex because you don’t feel sexy or just can’t be bothered expect his eye to start wandering. Most men do not WANT to have affairs, they simply come across whatever is missing at home and can’t resist.

Work on showing each other non-sexual affection, start by just getting more affectionate and see if that does the trick to start a new spark but if not sit down and talk, explain your personal needs and desires.

You talk on the phone for three hours and two minutes after you put the phone down you get a text message saying “did I tell you how much I love you?”.

NOT GOOD ….. this is called smothering. It may seem cute for the first few weeks of passionate lust but is a sign of impending doom.

Anyone who is that dependent upon your attention is going to become a royal pain very quickly, jealousy and neediness are just two of the problems you will face.

Your partner may feel they are just showing you the love they feel for you but how can you miss someone and appreciate their company if they never leave your side for a moment? This is not love, it is needy selfish insecurity and is not a healthy way to carry out a relationship.

To gauge whether you are heading for a serious smothering test your new partner:

1. Next time they call just say “sorry I have to call someone but will speak to you later” … how do they react. Do they huff, think of something vital they HAVE to tell you now or simply accept what you say and say they will wait for your call?

2. Have a night off from them, say you need a night in watching Blue Peter re-runs or washing your hair. Do they call you seven times, find a reason to just pop round or go out with their friends?

3. When you are with them and hear you have a text message or call pretend you haven’t heard it and go to the bathroom. Do they take a quick look to see who is contacting you, actually read the message/answer the phone or simply tell you that you have a missed call?

4. Take note of your own thoughts and reactions. When the phone rings and it is your partner … again …. what is your immediate reaction? Do you think “what now”, “oh no not again” or “great it’s the person I love”.