We’ve all heard the phrase, “Nobody’s perfect”, but do we really take it to heart?

When it comes to love, it seems that the answer is generally “no”. More than ever before, today’s singles (and marrieds, but that’s a different post…) have options.

Many of us truly believe that we will find the perfect partner, a soulmate who will fulfill our every need through every stage of our lives.

Staying with someone who doesn’t completely fit the bill is labeled as “settling”.

An impossible standard.

When you see it written on a page or hear it said out lout, it’s easy to see how ridiculous this trend is.

Clearly, nobody exists or should exist to meet all of your emotional needs. People change their worldview as they age. Sometimes your life partner will be out of step with you during these changes. Is it a bad thing to “settle” for someone who doesn’t completely share your viewpoints?

The answer:

The reasonable answer is to realize that sometimes a partner can only be asked to support your goals, dreams, and the changes in worldview you undergo. As long as your goals don’t break your marriage vows or personal promises to each other, and you aren’t dragging the relationship through one financial crisis after another, support isn’t an unreasonable request.

Are you in a place where you’re willing/able to support someone else?

When you enter into a committed relationship of any sort with another person, you should also ask yourself whether you can reasonably support that person as they change and mature. This isn’t a one-way street. Sometimes your partner will need more support from you than you’re getting from them. That’s an expected part of any long term relationship, and you shouldn’t consider committing to one if you’re not willing to make that type of sacrifice.

In the long run, settling isn’t always such a bad idea. If you don’t settle on some issues you’re likely to jump from relationship to relationship, never finding anyone who is worthy of your commitment. Assuming that a long-term relationship is something you want, settling for someone who truly cares about you and who tries to support you can be the key to happiness.

Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at onlinedegrees.org and performs research surrounding online schools. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.

Have you received requests for money from someone you met on a dating site but realised it’s a scam before sending money?

Some of the victims stories we are currently receiving are heartbreaking but there is little practical help we can offer to victims after the scam has taken place.

We are currently considering starting a new blog dedicated entirely to educating potential online daters of the dangers and warning signs of scams but before we spend time and money on this project we need to hear from you.

Please leave a comment (or use the “ask a dating question” link at the top of this page) answering these simple questions to help us decide whether such a blog would help people avoid being scammed:

1. Did you do any research online about the dating site you joined before you joined?

2. If you did do research what did you type into your search engine (eg name of dating site+reviews or does “name of dating site” work?).

3. After you joined the dating site did they send any information to you about how scams operate and how to avoid them?

4. Did you read any of the newsletters or admin emails sent by the site, about any topic, or did you just delete/ignore them?

5. Can you think of any delivery method which would have given you information about online dating scams before you joined a dating site or were you just too excited to get started once you made the decision to join a dating site?

We would really appreciate your answers to these questions so we can try to find a way to help people before they are scammed and not just after they have become a victim.

Thanks for any replies we receive. We are currently having a problem with the comments sections which we are trying to fix, so if you try to leave a comment and get a blank page please use the Ask a Dating Question link right at the top of the blog to send your answers by email, because we really need to hear from dating scam victims.

Official looking documents can appear impressive but how many people check if the information these legal documents contain is real?

This post follows on from my last post about online dating scams – First Bank of online dating scam First Private Bank.

Nobody likes to think they are being scammed but we should never take any legal looking document on face value .. no amount of impressive letterhead or stamps makes a document real. Beware of any documents stating they are copy passports, letters from Embassies, banks or legal business contracts.

A new poster on this blog has forwarded a pdf file of a legal contract her scammer sent her for to me to investigate .. be aware I have no legal experience and am not a private investigator but it took me all of 30 seconds to recognise it as a photoshoped fraud.

Let’s have a look at a few obvious errors (I will not publish all the errors or this just gives a head start to the next scammer looking for online dating victims).

An easy and obvious one to check is the bank details noted in the “contract”. They have provided a bank name, location and swift number.

Each bank around the world is issued a swift number, as an identification number. All you have to do is an online search for a swift number list.

These are the bank details provided in this contract:

As you can see the contract states thier bank is ICICI Bank in Manchester UK but the swift number, without even looking it up, is issued to a French bank (circled in red is FR, this is France) … could this be ICICI? Well no, it turns out this swift code belongs to “France …… BNP Paribas S.A. ……. Paris …… BNPA FR PP” .. so the swift code belongs to a bank called BNP Paribas which is registered in Paris, France.

As a quick reference guide you can use the knowledgerush List of SWIFT codes which lists the most popular banks by country but this is not a complete list. If the code you are looking for is not there just google bank swift code list and do some searching.

Now let us look at the wording in the contract – remember this contract is worth over 1 million Euro to the supposed parties concerned:

As I say I have no legal background but let’s imagine the buyer of the “works of art” claims that not all the pieces were delivered so is witholding the final payment. They then go to court with a legal contract as vague as “certain amounts of works of Art” and expect a judge to rule in their favour … let’s all guess how well they would get on in court!

Finally let’s look at the signatures beside the impressive looking seal on the document:

Fist look at the 2 red circles, the fonts are completely different. This would lead me to believe that the top name is real and is from a real legal document but photoshop (or similar program) has been used to add in the scammers name under the bottom signature.

Now look at the green boxes … the signature appears to belong to someone called P Thomas (or similar) but the name underneath is Collins Clemente.  Signatures can be very difficult to read but if you’re in this situation take a look, does it look anything like the name?

Just to show you how easy this is to do .. it took me about 3 minutes in Photoshop to do this (so imagine what I could do in 30 minutes?!):

Online dating scams come in many forms and scanned documents are so often used to gain your trust, so if you receive any such documents (passports, flight ticket, contracts, etc) do not take them at face value … ask yourself are the legal documents real or fakes?

Remember my golden rule – if anyone online asks you for money they are either a scammer or simply not worth knowing.

Someone left a comment on this blog’s article what is an online dating scam giving details of this scam, which I investigated before approving the comment.

The comment reads “He got my information from match.com we started sharing messages , all of them beautiful love letters for almost 2 weeks until he said he travel to africa for a very important bussines , once there he was supposed to travel to my country with his daughter to meet me, it was supposed to happen this week, however just last night contactd me telling me he lost his wallet and had to cancel all credit cards, then at 1 a.m.he called me telling me he needed to pay $4.500 as tax and he did not have any cash. he was asking me to check his bank acccount and wire transfer this amount to my account and then send him the money through western union which i realized was a scam . I did not want to do it , i contacted my bank and explained and then re-checked his bank account and noticed it was a simple website he built probably for people to wire transfer money.”

It was a brilliant call by Sony, who posted the information, and I’m so pleased she didn’t fall for this scam.

Let’s have a look at the scammers bank, First Private Bank of Holland. When I first opened the link to the internet banking login page provided in the comment I didn’t know whether to laugh … it uses the identical layout of my own bank in the UK (Lloydstsb) so was easy for me to recognise.

This is the login page from First Private Bank of Holland

Now look at the logon page from Lloydstsb Bank … look familiar?

Please note that the scammers haven’t even bothered changing the background image of the Tip button.

So what does this scammers website do? Well obviously it makes them money by scamming trusting people. If you click the link on the right of their login page which says “Not registered for Internet Banking?” you will see the following page:

As you can see the page design changes totally and the image capture above only shows a small portion of the page.

You can also see at the top of the page in red test the words “Insufficient filesystem permissions to upload the file specified in FileUpload1 into temporary folder” which is not something you would expect to see on a banks website.

However, were you to fall for this 419 scam and put your details into that web page you would be giving scammers the following information:

Name
Address
Date of Birth
Passport number and expiry date or driving licence number and expiry date
Phone numbers
Occupation and employers details (including your office address and phone number)
Your photo

and then you would have to send them a minimum of 3,000 Euro’s to open your scam bank account, which is a good little earner if you’re a scammer. With all these private details they could do untold damage to you, your finances and use your details to scam other people.

So what was this person hoping to get out of this scam because of course the money would not transfer from their account. Bank transfers generally take a minimum of 3 working days … you would transfer the money from the scam account and then the scammer would need the money today .. you would send the $4,500 of your own money with the confidence of knowing their money was already winging it’s way into your account. Of course by the time they had received and spent your money you would find out that the transfer from their scam account wasn’t coming through and there would be nothing you could do about it.

NEVER NEVER NEVER give out your personal details to anyone you met online and if they talk to you about money cease all communication with that person. Do not trust a website just because someone you met online gave you the details and do not think just because someone gives you secret information, like their passwords, that this makes them trustworthy.

I have reported this scam website to the relevant authorities and hope the website will be removed quickly .. but of course they can just open a new one in about an hour.

People fall for such 419 scams every day and many of the victims are from the online dating world, don’t become a victim and do some research and you can bet the First Private Bank of Holland is not the only scam bank on the internet.

The photo on the left is one of almost a dozen of the same man and I simply downloaded it from stock.xchng.

This man is not a scammer but how easy would it be for me to create a dating profile and place this picture on the profile?

What if we then started chatting online and I sent you the other photo’s of him … would you be convinced the photos are of me? The correct answer is … probably, yes.

A comment was left on my blog post what is an online dating scam leaving a scammers name. Before allowing the comment I checked on the name given and it took all of 2 seconds to recognise the profile as a scammer.

How did I know this? How did I find her profile? All the commenter left was the name of the scammer and which dating website he met her on.

I simply used copy and paste to put her name into google search and it returned just 2 results, one for ChristianSinglesNet and one for Connecting Singles.

This doesn’t sound bad, only two web pages mention that name and both are dating site profiles, nothing wrong with that.

Before we get into her profile I want to say the commenter who was scammed by this person is not a stupid person, like so many he is simply open hearted and trusting, looking for someone special and reading profiles with rose tinted glasses and a lack of knowledge.

He should have read Behaviour patterns of online dating scammers but like most victims you don’t google dating scammers until it’s too late.

So back to the job at hand, I then clicked on the first profile link for this “woman” (who knows could be a man?) and this is what I found:

Laila        Member Name: Laila2g9 (1)

African American / Black, 31,

Single – Never Married  (2)

San Antonio, Texas, United States

Personal Details
Gender:     Female
Age:     31 (9-Apr-1978)
Race:     African American / Black
Marital Status:     Single – Never Married
Children:     0
Religion:     Christian
Drinking:     Non-alcoholic beverages only
Smoking:     Never
Food:     American
Occupation:    Banking / Finance (4)
Education:     High school
Languages:
Interests:     Arts / Crafts
Cooking
Dancing
Music – Christian / Gospel
Music – Pop / R&B
Religion
Eye Color:     Brown
Hair Color:     Brown
Body Type:     Athletic / Fit
Height:     5’06″ – (167 cm)

0 photos in album view

General Information
My name is Laila Amidu,I am 31years Old,I am Single (five
years ago) (2), Fair, dark black hair, brown eyes, 5′ 6″, 121
lbs..,L(3)ong Hair and a healthy Lady. I am self-sufficient,
Beautiful, happy, secure, self-confident, psychologically
aware, emotionally and financially secure. and working as a
Waiter In a Local Restaurant (4) ,i email me i will tell u more (5)
my long name is my id and here is my email address
./Laila2g9 /at /yahoo /dot /com/ am Living with my
grandMom.i will tell u more about me (5)

Appearance
My name is Laila Amidu,I am 31years Old,I am Single (five
years ago), Fair, dark black hair, brown eyes, 5′ 6″, 121
lbs..,Long Hair and a healthy Lady. I am self-sufficient,
Beautiful, happy, secure, self-confident, psychologically
aware, emotionally and financially secure. and working as a
Waiter In a Local Restaurant,i email me i will tell u more
my long name is my id and here is my email address
./Laila2g9 /at /yahoo /dot /com/ am Living with my
grandMom.i will tell u more about me

Looking for
i will tell u when we meet onlinei will tell u when (6) we meet
onlinei will tell u when we meet onlinei will tell u when we
meet onlinei will tell u when we meet onlinei will tell u
when we meet onlinei will tell u when we meet onlinei will
tell u when we meet onlinei will tell u when we meet onlinei
will tell u when we meet online

The parts in bold are where we need to look. Look at the numbers I have inserted and let’s go through it one by one.

1. Laila2g9 – google the username. Not just this one, any profile you look at, scammers tend to use the same username on all the sites they join and Laila2g9 is no exception.

Clicking the first link (Matchmaker dating site) we see that Laila still claims to be black African but her photo is a dark haired white skinned lady (bit of a give away), it also looks like a models photo so I would run it through a reverse image search engine. She has also moved from San Antonio to Adrian. On other sites she moves to Massachusetts and even to Ireland, all in the same year because her age never changes.

Also pick out a sentence and google it in quote marks .. I chose a sentence which I knew wasn’t written by the person copying and pasting the profile information … like this “happy, secure, self-confident, psychologically aware, emotionally and financially secure” (the quote marks make google look for the exact same phrase). What I found was a profile for ralleylove on romancescam … please people do a little searching before being scammed.

Sound familiar?

My name is Regina,i am 32 years Old,I am Single (five years ago), Black, dark black hair, brown eyes, 5′ 9″, 141 lbs.,Long Hair and a healthy Lady. I am self-sufficient, Beautiful, happy, secure, self-confident, psychologically aware, emotionally and financially secure. and working as a Waiter In a Local Resturant,am Living with my Mom and Dad in a Logging house

I stopped clicking links at 34 profiles with this same paragraph, they simply changed the name and age (some profiles are for men removing references to lady) … there are actually 16 pages of search results with this same paragraph on various profiles and every one is a scammer.

2. States single never married but then says she has been single for 5 years! People who are seriously looking for a relationship take time to write their profile (good way to find the players too) so this sort of mistake should be taken seriously.

3. Quick quiz … why do scammers so often have capital letters in the middle of sentences?  Answer ….. translation software.

It Looks like this, With capital Letters in very Strange Places.

This is something I found out through online discussions with my husband. His first language is Arabic so of course he has to look up some words in a translation tool. Each single word he translates starts with a capital letter.

Try it, go to google translate, translate some basic single words from English to Arabic and back to English. This is what you will see:

Hair
Eyes
Lady

See how they all begin with capital letters … watch out for it on profiles, capitals in the middle of sentences = translation = English not their first language.

4. She works in the banking/finance sector but also as a waiter (not waitress) in a local restaurant .. the global recession must have hit bankers harder than we thought or she can’t remember where she works.

So this lady doesn’t know whether she is single or divorced and is confused about where she works … come on people they are huge red flags.

5. Writing sentences that make no sense within the paragraph. This is simply due to copy and paste.  Remember scammers are working in a foreign language so when they are sent a script to copy and paste they have no idea where to start or stop, so they just copy and paste what they see … would you know where the end of a sentence written in Chinese is?

6. Repeating the same thing over and over again Repeating the same thing over and over again Repeating the same thing over and over again Repeating the same thing over and over again Repeating the same thing over and over again – about 90% of the scammers profiles I reject on my dating website have at least one paragraph like this.

If you are chatting to anyone you met online please read 5 tips to spot a nigerian dating scammer, it’s better to give a little offence to a genuine person than get caught by a dating scammer.

I remember more than two decades ago when Friday night at the Casino was known as Grab-a-Granny night, so older women dating younger men is hardly a new concept but is it now becoming more socially acceptable?

As I am slightly more than a decade older than my husband (no secret it’s on my About Me page) it is a subject close to my heart.

I tend to shy away from any internet information discussing the subject, as it tends to be highly stereotypical and rarely written by an older woman dating a younger man.

However, a new survey by a Cougar dating site, Cougared.com, may just blow the lid off the stereotypical older women dating younger men viewpoint and I was delighted when they emailed me a copy of the report.

The report asks some very searching questions like:

How old is the average cougar and what is the typical age gap?
What is the reaction of the guy’s family and friends to her age?
Why is dating men their own age yesterday’s news for cougars?
What kind of relationship are real life cougars really looking for?

You can read the full report here on the Cougared.com website, it makes interesting reading.

What I love about this report is it is written with authority, the information being provided by self confessed Cougars and not a stab in the dark by self proclaimed dating gurus.

The report also reassures me that I am not a typical Cougar … phew, I do hate to be labelled.

Now compare the reports answers to the suggested motivation for cougars provided on this Ezine article written by a dating pro (who writes on many dating subjects), who says:

“While many older men often marry their young girlfriends, cougars are generally not looking for a long term relationship, although sometimes it does happen despite their original intentions. Mostly, they are looking for some fun, both in and out of the bedroom.”

As hideous as that comment sounds it is far less insulting than this eHow article which suggest younger men have to be prepared to be prey and talks about helping them with essays, as if older women are seeking helpless school children … let’s hope that author and I never meet up!!

There is now a report stating “More than 90% of cougars are looking for a serious relationship – a myth-busting finding which shows that cougar women aren’t all just looking for casual fun” which I can point people to when they raise their eyebrows having heard about the age difference between my hubby and I.

I can only speak for myself but lack of commitment is certainly NOT the reasoning behind marrying a younger man and neither is his prowess in the bedroom … we simply fell in love, as any normal couple does.

I am not wealthy, I hadn’t dated a younger man before, we didn’t meet in a bar, I can’t provide my husband with a sumptuous lifestyle and I am far from mutton dressed as lamb … unless lambs have started wearing wellies and comfy knickers!!

Just might have some fun later and answer the survey questions on a blog post.

It all just goes to show that relationships come in many forms, people should not be labelled and it’s way past time that society got past their silly ideas of older women dating younger men.

I have never searched the internet for the term “Best Wife in the World” before and was surprised how many web pages contain this phrase.

I feel sure we all remember Tom Cruise and his antics on the Oprah show, declaring his love. This had such an impact in America that urban dictionaries now include the phrase Jump the Couch.

As a Brit we tend to be more reserved about our personal feelings and squirm at such open declarations of love but Americans seem to have none of our reserve when it comes to declaring their love, faith or opinions.

I would die of embarrassment if my husband started a blog declaring me the best wife in the world … and yet, like any human with an ego, I would secretly be immensely flattered.

If you don’t go and read the short blog post I want to share a couple of lines with you.

Matt says “She has endured unbelievable hardship, much caused by me, some caused by “life” in general.”

This statement had such an impact on me. Reading between the lines it shows Matt’s acceptance that he has not been the best husband in the world and yet his wife has endured and continued to try her best to be a good wife.

Matt also tells us “She is the total package of friend, playmate, confidant and lover to me.”

This line in itself should tell us women what is really important to a man in a wife. He does not talk about her weight, her looks or what she wears. A marriage is so much deeper than external appearance and yet some women still believe looks are what it all boils down to.

To be a good wife you need to be devoted, faithful, playful, trusting, energetic, secure, supportive, forgiving and on occasion long suffering.

A tip for MEN … this is not a one way street, we can only continue to be all of these things if you respond in kind and make the effort to play your part in the marriage.

If you read this and think “erm, maybe I haven’t been the best wife or husband” then it’s rarely too late to change your ways, so take a leaf from Matt’s book and start now.

Well done to Matt for recognising his wife’s efforts and I hope you will continue to cherish Jean, now you have recognised just how fantastic she is.

Now I don’t want to burst your bubble Matt but the Big G (Google) will often highly rank a new blog but over a few weeks it will fall into it’s natural place in the search engines … however, if this happens it doesn’t mean you don’t have the Best Wife in the World!!

This is a question I was asked recently and finding just one gem of dating advice which covers every couple, whether newly dating or in a long term relationship, wasn’t easy.

I dismissed the dating advice on how to meet someone and fall in love, this often happens naturally, even when we don’t expect it, as doesn’t cover people already in long term relationships.

Much of the relationship advice I would give is for married couples or people in long term relationships, so this doesn’t cover those in the early dating stage.

Hmmmm, one dating tip to cover everyone in a relationship .. ok here it is ….

Never go to bed angry, always make up before you go to sleep.

Whether you live together or apart, always make up after a fight before you both go to sleep.

This isn’t a relationship tip about romance or sentiment, it’s about science.

Sleep experts tell us that while we sleep we file away the days events. Our brains don’t sleep when our bodies do, they process the days events and stabalise our memories.

Stabalising our memories makes them stronger, it’s how we remember things. Think of it like a filing cabinet, as we sleep we file away our memories for future reference.

This means if the girl at the supermarket checkout smiled and was nice to us we will file it away a pleasant experience. Two weeks later you may not consciously think about the pleasant experience in the supermarket but you will find yourself returning to the same supermarket and same checkout girl. Your sub-conscious remembers her as a pleasant experience.

In relationships we all argue sometimes, we say harsh words we really don’t mean and we usually respond in kind.

Think of a time you have gone to sleep angry. Remember as you begin to wake up the next morning feeling great but as you become fully awake you begin to remember the fight yesterday, the hurt feelings and the anger toward your partner?

If the last thing we think about before we sleep is our hurt feelings, a battered self image or feeling unloved then as we sleep those experiences will be filed away and solidified.

On the other hand, if we make the effort to make up (well we know we will eventually so why not do it now) then the last memory we file away about our partners will be pleasant, comforting and loving ones. When we wake up our memories of our partner will be happy and loving.

This doesn’t mean keeping our partner awake until 4am, when they have to get up at 7 for work, analysing every detail of your relationship. Just suck it up, say sorry and make up. Whether you roll over, say sorry and hug your partner or give them a quick call before you sleep, it’s so important not to sleep upset.

There are certain rules for a healthy relationship and also rules for arguing in a relationship which we should all try to put into practice.

Amid the forest of relationship tips and dating advice I really feel this is the one I would like all couples to take on board because it works on a subconscious level and we have no real concept of the damage we can do to our relationships if we go to sleep hurt or angry.

This is my best relationship tip, what’s yours?

Getting through the days of the week can be difficult when you are missing someone, the secret is to keep yourself busy but also find small ways to include your partner in your day to day life.

Check out these 10 gifts for long distance relationships, which are either free or cost very little and will help to keep you feeling closer.

Here are 5 dating tips for couples in long distance relationships which will help to keep your love alive despite the distance and time apart:

Day to Day Life

If you are in the early days of a long distance relationship (ie after you have met once to ensure you know who you are communicating with) then get to know about each others lives visually.

Each get a usb memory stick and fill it with photographs, these can be of your surrounding area, work, your breakfast, hobbies, new shoes, pets or friends.

Remember your new partner will be fascinated by things you find mundane, so just photograph everything and let them get to know about your day to day life.

Photo Friday

This is the age of technology so let’s use it to have some fun. Every Friday send a text to each other stating what sort of photo you want to see. This can be of your partner with the smallest dog they can find, in the shower with a garden gnome or outside a police station wearing handcuffs.

Your partner then has until Sunday lunchtime to send you the photo. Make up some fun forfeits if your partner fails to get the requested photo. Remember to keep photo albums of your exploits for later years.

Plan a Holiday

Even if you are unable to have a holiday together this year or next due to financial or time limitations, still plan a holiday together for when you are able to go away together. Don’t just decide we’ll go to Greece when we can and forget about it.

When you are apart both spend time exploring different destinations, find out about the history of the area, what there is to see or do, the local food, customs, etc … imagine you’re a travel writer and do a write up. Send each other the destinations you find out about and decide together where you would like to go and explore.

This is not only a way to give you both something to look forward to but is also a great way of learning about your long distance partners likes and dislikes.

Learn a Language

Whether it’s German, Spanish or Mandarin start to learn a new language together and send love notes in the new language.

Don’t just reach for google translate, grab a language book and start with the obvious …. I love you … ich liebe dich … te amo … wo ai ne.

Over time you will progress in the language and therefore in your ability to tell your loved one how you feel. You’ll also have a lot of fun when you get it wrong and say “you’re eyes are like jellied eels”.

Have Fun Together

This may sound obvious but many long term long distance relationships suffer because couples wait until they are together to argue, complain or decorate the spare bedroom.

Your time together is not just to sort out domestic arrangements, it should be an enjoyable time or why should your partner make the effort to travel all that way if it’s just to fight or be nagged all weekend?

Get all of the drudgery out of the way on the telephone or preferably internet (with a webcam so you can read body language) and clear the air before your partner visits you, then relax and have fun when you get time together.

Time and technology marches on but surely human relationships have remained the same since time began?

Well no, not really.

We only need to look to other cultures to see how different courting rituals are around the world in present days and I do believe we can learn something from arranged marriages but that’s another story.

So has it really become more difficult to find a husband in the past 50 years or have the goal posts simply moved?

Statistics in the UK show that single men outnumber single women by a considerable number, with over a million more single men than women, so why on earth are some women finding it impossible to find a husband?

Here are three reasons your Grandma found a husband but you can’t:

1. The Economy

Our Grandmothers were much more practical people, with “romantic notions” being reserved for the silver screen or a hot cocoa while you read Mills and Boon.

When it came to finding a husband they looked for a provider, a man with a steady income, clean habits and someone their mother approved of. A boring young bank clerk was considered a good catch because he could be a branch manager one day.

Dating opportunities were often limited to the Saturday night dance at the local church hall.

Likewise our Grandfathers grew up knowing they would leave school, find work and then start a family .. it’s just how life went. Playboys were rich and belonged to the upper class.

The economic boom of the eighties and early to mid nineties meant that Steve, the local estate agent, could live a cheap version of a playboys life.

He had his own “bachelor pad”, car, went clubbing every night and could sleep with as many girls as he could cope with (or would say yes) … why on earth would he want to give that up and swap it for a life of nagging and nappies?!

In short our economic situation allowed us to be far more fussy about who we chose as a life partner and therefore limited the number of potential candidates.

2. Technology

I remember my Grandma telling me about my great aunt (the family hussy because she married 4 times), as an actress she went off to Berlin and met, then married husband number three … ooo the shame of it.

For her generation the choice of men was usually limited to their own town or social circle, which limited their expectations.

For us the world is our slimy mollusc, we can now log on to the internet and in seconds be searching dating website databases with a few million members.

But surely that is good news, more people to choose from? Erm, no.

Suddenly the fella down our street seems a lot less attractive when there are chaps out there with sexy French accents or smouldering South American eyes.

So while we sit waiting for Antonio Banderas to come and serenade us Malcolm from down the road met some French tart and went to live in Paris.

We are essentially ignoring what is realistically on offer locally because we’re sure there is something far more exciting on offer in far off lands (or at least in another city).

3. Granny Held Out

My father often jokes about having spent a whole year trying to get his hand up my mothers jumper … bless him, he never managed it but wow did he have fun trying and he couldn’t wait to marry my mother to sample her delights.

Then the sexual revolution hit town and terms like ‘one night stand’ and ‘co-habitation’ entered our vocabulary.

Even my mothers generation had the sense to know you can lead a man anywhere, even to the altar, by his privates.

Just browse the internet and see how many times women ask how long they should wait until they sleep with a man (a week, a month, 3 months) …. our Grandma’s had a simple answer to this question …. until he puts a wedding ring on your finger.

Women’s liberation has given us so many choices, many our Grandmothers would never have thought of but in reality they settled for less and found it easier to find a husband.

We now want the whole nine yards and then sit back and wonder why we can’t find a husband. That doesn’t mean we should all settle for the first person to turn up and ask us on a date but perhaps we should be taking a leaf out of Grandma’s book and being a little more practical about our search for a husband.