So that being said, a few years ago I was involved in a relationship that was clearly a mistake and it turned out to be the hardest thing I have ever experienced.  By the time I came to the realization that I was in an extremely bad situation, I was already in over-my-head and emotionally involved.  And let me state for the record, I am a very emotional gal.  And in hindsight, I realize I was very naïve as well.

So tell us already?  What happened?  Well…here’s the gist—

I had been single for a long time and I was fed up with it.  I started dating online and met a few nice guys but nobody special. Then I met a great guy online.  I suppose the red flags should have started going up immediately, but I looked the other way.  He was attentive, affectionate, generous and passionate.  He seemed to listen to me and take great interest in my life.  He was an amazing lover.  He said things to me I had never had a man say to me before.  And he treated me in a way I had never been treated.  And then, three months into this seemingly wonderful relationship, I found out he was married.  Yup.  Married.  He went online looking for love when he was a married man.  And when he met me, I guess he sort of forgot to tell me.

The obvious question is “when you found out he was married, why didn’t you dump him?”  Great question…why didn’t I?  Well, we did split up for awhile.  But then he asked to see me again and in my naivety, I believed what he told me.  I believed he was sorry.  I believed he was miserable in his marriage and he was going to leave his wife.  I believed him when he said he only wanted to be with me.  I am not the femme-fatale type. I am not a home wrecker. I would never have walked into this situation knowingly. I certainly wasn’t looking to become involved with a married man. And I would like to think that if he and his wife had children, I never would have stayed with him at all.  But they didn’t have children, and I thought I was in love. It’s very interesting the things we tell ourselves to justify and rationalize our behavior.

Obviously, the entire relationship was a lie.  But at the time, it felt like a fantasy.  And I spent
3 ½ years waiting for that fantasy to come true.  You can call me stupid, it’s okay.  It’s not any worse than the things I called myself while I was in it.
The fact is I’m not a stupid woman. I’m quite intelligent.  And I had a lot of friends telling me to walk away. I constantly told myself to walk away but I couldn’t seem to do it.  It’s apparent that at the time my self-esteem was at an all time low, and I guess I didn’t think I was good enough to be someone’s first choice.

I thought about his wife all time. I never met her, but she occupied my thoughts.  And I became continually angrier at him for lying, not just to me, but to both of us.  Anger is good, because it was the very thing I needed to motivate me to end it.  I don’t believe he would have taken any action at all.  He wouldn’t have left his wife.  He wouldn’t have left me.  The guy had a good thing going.  I ripped myself away from him because I needed to get my life back and I needed to feel like a whole person again.

I know his wife knew about the affair, but I also know they are still together.  That is her story to tell, why she remains with her husband.  As for me, I needed to mourn the loss as if it were a death.  I went through the grieving process.  And eventually, since time does heal all wounds, I was able to let go of the hurt, anger and betrayal and move forward with my life.  I learned a lot about myself from that experience, but I also learned that I needed to let it go.  If I didn’t, I would never be able to love or trust another man again.

Bio: Debbie Lamedman is a professional blogger and freelance writer who writes about online dating and relationships.  Debbie writes for a variety of different relationship websites including DatingServices.net

First of all well done for being cautious.

However when he sends a copy of a passport or military ID do you even know what you are looking at?

Thanks to Tee we can share what can only be classed as the worst scammers attempt to photoshop together a military ID I have ever seen and I’ve seen some pretty dismal attempts.  Seriously there are primary school kids who could do a better job.

I’m not going to tell you the 18 things wrong with this ID because I’m not here to teach scammers their trade but I am sure you can spot at least 6 issues with it:

Please note, US military ID has a number of complicated security features, including a chip and pin system … see anything secure or complicated with this?

We come to the best part … this military ID comes with a money back guarantee ROFLMAO

Unbelievable! He’s asking you to be the side of mashed potatoes to his wife’s meatloaf.  But for the fact that you are dining in a 5 star restaurant, you would indeed strangle him with your fine cloth dinner napkin.  Just when you thought you had a great catch on the line, he turns out to be a big fat fish of disappointment.  Because lying and infidelity come easy to him, he can’t understand why you’re so offended by this obviously juicy opportunity that any woman would just wait in line to snatch up.  He also casually mentions that he realizes why you might be disheartened by the fact that he is married and off the market, but believes that love can sometimes be betrayals best friend.  This blind catch of the day must most certainly be “Out to Lunch indeed!”

If your dream date has gone from bad to worse before dessert is even served, take heart and know that you’re not alone.  You begin to wonder if all men are callous cold hearted selfish snakes.  It is not surprising to learn that half of all blind dates and internet dating experiences fizzle out before they pass go or at least are as uncomfortable as hell.  It’s generally either a front row seat to hours of boredom or a one way ticket to “all about me island” where you have to listen to an epic dissertation about how his animal magnetism draws chicks to him like bees to honey.

The benefits of double dating at least provide you a way of getting out of dodge or arranging a fake cell phone call to your table.   Show me a blind date that goes well and I’ll show you a professional colorblind florist. They just don’t exist.  At the end of the night you’re left with dashed hopes and filthy propositions.

Tiersa Buckley writes for the dating blogs on DatingOnline.net and DatingSite.org where daily dating tips and advice are provided. Her stories present a humorous twist on today’s dating dilemmas!

Many people only romance their partners at certain times of the year for example valentines day or Christmas, so national rekindle romance week came about to help the UK keep romance going throughout the year. This is your chance to show your partner what they mean to you, whether you take them for a weekend away, take them for a meal or even something as simple as running them a bath but make sure you romance your partner.

Living in the countryside provides you with beautiful locations to rekindle the romance in your relationship, why not take your special someone for a scenic walk and have a picnic in a picturesque location. You should also think about making a personal effort to romance your partner, why not run them a relaxing bubble bath and cook them a romantic meal. These options do not cost much at all but can quite often be the best when romancing your partner as they show thought and effort which is always appreciated by a partner and can have a better effect than grand expensive gestures.

You both obviously enjoy the countryside so why not make the most of it while romancing that special someone. You could go for a romantic horse ride or take an afternoon rowing boat trip, thus combining your mutual love of the countryside and doing something special together which will make your day even more special.

If you are feeling you would like to do more to romance your partner why not take them away for a weekend to a country hotel. As you know there are hundreds of beautiful hotels set in charming locations all over the UK. Romancing your partner with weekends away can be expensive but you can find there are great discounts available online for countryside hotels. These could save you up to 50% on your booking, giving you more money to spend on romancing your loved one once you are there.

You could also romance your partner by taking them for a romantic meal. Why not ask when you book your table for something special. This could range from the best table in the house to your partners favourite wine or flowers and a candle to be on the table when you get there. Simple things like this can make the difference between your meal out being an everyday occurrence and a real romantic evening. Most restaurants are happy to oblige with your requests and some will even go as far to suggest other romantic ideas.

Although it may not seem romantic you can also save money when taking you partner out for a romantic meal, many online voucher sites now offer restaurant discount vouchers. These can get you up to 50% off in many country pubs and restaurants. You could use a voucher to make the most of your money on your romantic evening, it could enable you to have that extra bottle of wine or get a taxi instead of one of you having to drive. The majority of restaurants are discreet, if you do not want your date to know you are using a voucher it is possible to slip the voucher to your server discreetly or pay away from the table. However if you have gone to the effort of having a surprise on the table when you arrive at the restaurant as mentioned earlier and have had a special romantic evening with great food and conversation, I very much doubt your partner would even care you used a discount voucher. They will appreciate being made to feel special for an evening!

However you decide to show that special someone how you feel about them it is important to remember romance is very important when you are in a relationship and it should not be a one off effort. Enjoy rekindle romance week but don’t make this the last time you romance your partner before Christmas! The more you romance your partner the stronger your relationship and love for each other will become, so go on rekindle your romance!

A romantic moneysaving guide by Jessica Bourne at Moneysupermarket.com

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Nobody’s perfect”, but do we really take it to heart?

When it comes to love, it seems that the answer is generally “no”. More than ever before, today’s singles (and marrieds, but that’s a different post…) have options.

Many of us truly believe that we will find the perfect partner, a soulmate who will fulfill our every need through every stage of our lives.

Staying with someone who doesn’t completely fit the bill is labeled as “settling”.

An impossible standard.

When you see it written on a page or hear it said out lout, it’s easy to see how ridiculous this trend is.

Clearly, nobody exists or should exist to meet all of your emotional needs. People change their worldview as they age. Sometimes your life partner will be out of step with you during these changes. Is it a bad thing to “settle” for someone who doesn’t completely share your viewpoints?

The answer:

The reasonable answer is to realize that sometimes a partner can only be asked to support your goals, dreams, and the changes in worldview you undergo. As long as your goals don’t break your marriage vows or personal promises to each other, and you aren’t dragging the relationship through one financial crisis after another, support isn’t an unreasonable request.

Are you in a place where you’re willing/able to support someone else?

When you enter into a committed relationship of any sort with another person, you should also ask yourself whether you can reasonably support that person as they change and mature. This isn’t a one-way street. Sometimes your partner will need more support from you than you’re getting from them. That’s an expected part of any long term relationship, and you shouldn’t consider committing to one if you’re not willing to make that type of sacrifice.

In the long run, settling isn’t always such a bad idea. If you don’t settle on some issues you’re likely to jump from relationship to relationship, never finding anyone who is worthy of your commitment. Assuming that a long-term relationship is something you want, settling for someone who truly cares about you and who tries to support you can be the key to happiness.

Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at onlinedegrees.org and performs research surrounding online schools. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.

I remember more than two decades ago when Friday night at the Casino was known as Grab-a-Granny night, so older women dating younger men is hardly a new concept but is it now becoming more socially acceptable?

As I am slightly more than a decade older than my husband (no secret it’s on my About Me page) it is a subject close to my heart.

I tend to shy away from any internet information discussing the subject, as it tends to be highly stereotypical and rarely written by an older woman dating a younger man.

However, a new survey by a Cougar dating site, Cougared.com, may just blow the lid off the stereotypical older women dating younger men viewpoint and I was delighted when they emailed me a copy of the report.

The report asks some very searching questions like:

How old is the average cougar and what is the typical age gap?
What is the reaction of the guy’s family and friends to her age?
Why is dating men their own age yesterday’s news for cougars?
What kind of relationship are real life cougars really looking for?

You can read the full report here on the Cougared.com website, it makes interesting reading.

What I love about this report is it is written with authority, the information being provided by self confessed Cougars and not a stab in the dark by self proclaimed dating gurus.

The report also reassures me that I am not a typical Cougar … phew, I do hate to be labelled.

Now compare the reports answers to the suggested motivation for cougars provided on this Ezine article written by a dating pro (who writes on many dating subjects), who says:

“While many older men often marry their young girlfriends, cougars are generally not looking for a long term relationship, although sometimes it does happen despite their original intentions. Mostly, they are looking for some fun, both in and out of the bedroom.”

As hideous as that comment sounds it is far less insulting than this eHow article which suggest younger men have to be prepared to be prey and talks about helping them with essays, as if older women are seeking helpless school children … let’s hope that author and I never meet up!!

There is now a report stating “More than 90% of cougars are looking for a serious relationship – a myth-busting finding which shows that cougar women aren’t all just looking for casual fun” which I can point people to when they raise their eyebrows having heard about the age difference between my hubby and I.

I can only speak for myself but lack of commitment is certainly NOT the reasoning behind marrying a younger man and neither is his prowess in the bedroom … we simply fell in love, as any normal couple does.

I am not wealthy, I hadn’t dated a younger man before, we didn’t meet in a bar, I can’t provide my husband with a sumptuous lifestyle and I am far from mutton dressed as lamb … unless lambs have started wearing wellies and comfy knickers!!

Just might have some fun later and answer the survey questions on a blog post.

It all just goes to show that relationships come in many forms, people should not be labelled and it’s way past time that society got past their silly ideas of older women dating younger men.

I have never searched the internet for the term “Best Wife in the World” before and was surprised how many web pages contain this phrase.

I feel sure we all remember Tom Cruise and his antics on the Oprah show, declaring his love. This had such an impact in America that urban dictionaries now include the phrase Jump the Couch.

As a Brit we tend to be more reserved about our personal feelings and squirm at such open declarations of love but Americans seem to have none of our reserve when it comes to declaring their love, faith or opinions.

I would die of embarrassment if my husband started a blog declaring me the best wife in the world … and yet, like any human with an ego, I would secretly be immensely flattered.

If you don’t go and read the short blog post I want to share a couple of lines with you.

Matt says “She has endured unbelievable hardship, much caused by me, some caused by “life” in general.”

This statement had such an impact on me. Reading between the lines it shows Matt’s acceptance that he has not been the best husband in the world and yet his wife has endured and continued to try her best to be a good wife.

Matt also tells us “She is the total package of friend, playmate, confidant and lover to me.”

This line in itself should tell us women what is really important to a man in a wife. He does not talk about her weight, her looks or what she wears. A marriage is so much deeper than external appearance and yet some women still believe looks are what it all boils down to.

To be a good wife you need to be devoted, faithful, playful, trusting, energetic, secure, supportive, forgiving and on occasion long suffering.

A tip for MEN … this is not a one way street, we can only continue to be all of these things if you respond in kind and make the effort to play your part in the marriage.

If you read this and think “erm, maybe I haven’t been the best wife or husband” then it’s rarely too late to change your ways, so take a leaf from Matt’s book and start now.

Well done to Matt for recognising his wife’s efforts and I hope you will continue to cherish Jean, now you have recognised just how fantastic she is.

Now I don’t want to burst your bubble Matt but the Big G (Google) will often highly rank a new blog but over a few weeks it will fall into it’s natural place in the search engines … however, if this happens it doesn’t mean you don’t have the “Best Wife in the World”!!

This is a question I was asked recently and finding just one gem of dating advice which covers every couple, whether newly dating or in a long term relationship, wasn’t easy.

I dismissed the dating advice on how to meet someone and fall in love, this often happens naturally, even when we don’t expect it, as doesn’t cover people already in long term relationships.

Much of the relationship advice I would give is for married couples or people in long term relationships, so this doesn’t cover those in the early dating stage.

Hmmmm, one dating tip to cover everyone in a relationship .. ok here it is ….

Never go to bed angry, always make up before you go to sleep.

Whether you live together or apart, always make up after a fight before you both go to sleep.

This isn’t a relationship tip about romance or sentiment, it’s about science.

Sleep experts tell us that while we sleep we file away the days events. Our brains don’t sleep when our bodies do, they process the days events and stabalise our memories.

Stabalising our memories makes them stronger, it’s how we remember things. Think of it like a filing cabinet, as we sleep we file away our memories for future reference.

This means if the girl at the supermarket checkout smiled and was nice to us we will file it away a pleasant experience. Two weeks later you may not consciously think about the pleasant experience in the supermarket but you will find yourself returning to the same supermarket and same checkout girl. Your sub-conscious remembers her as a pleasant experience.

In relationships we all argue sometimes, we say harsh words we really don’t mean and we usually respond in kind.

Think of a time you have gone to sleep angry. Remember as you begin to wake up the next morning feeling great but as you become fully awake you begin to remember the fight yesterday, the hurt feelings and the anger toward your partner?

If the last thing we think about before we sleep is our hurt feelings, a battered self image or feeling unloved then as we sleep those experiences will be filed away and solidified.

On the other hand, if we make the effort to make up (well we know we will eventually so why not do it now) then the last memory we file away about our partners will be pleasant, comforting and loving ones. When we wake up our memories of our partner will be happy and loving.

This doesn’t mean keeping our partner awake until 4am, when they have to get up at 7 for work, analysing every detail of your relationship. Just suck it up, say sorry and make up. Whether you roll over, say sorry and hug your partner or give them a quick call before you sleep, it’s so important not to sleep upset.

There are certain rules for a healthy relationship and also rules for arguing in a relationship which we should all try to put into practice.

Amid the forest of relationship tips and dating advice I really feel this is the one I would like all couples to take on board because it works on a subconscious level and we have no real concept of the damage we can do to our relationships if we go to sleep hurt or angry.

This is my best relationship tip, what’s yours?

Getting through the days of the week can be difficult when you are missing someone, the secret is to keep yourself busy but also find small ways to include your partner in your day to day life.

Check out these 10 gifts for long distance relationships, which are either free or cost very little and will help to keep you feeling closer.

Here are 5 dating tips for couples in long distance relationships which will help to keep your love alive despite the distance and time apart:

Day to Day Life

If you are in the early days of a long distance relationship (ie after you have met once to ensure you know who you are communicating with) then get to know about each others lives visually.

Each get a usb memory stick and fill it with photographs, these can be of your surrounding area, work, your breakfast, hobbies, new shoes, pets or friends.

Remember your new partner will be fascinated by things you find mundane, so just photograph everything and let them get to know about your day to day life.

Photo Friday

This is the age of technology so let’s use it to have some fun. Every Friday send a text to each other stating what sort of photo you want to see. This can be of your partner with the smallest dog they can find, in the shower with a garden gnome or outside a police station wearing handcuffs.

Your partner then has until Sunday lunchtime to send you the photo. Make up some fun forfeits if your partner fails to get the requested photo. Remember to keep photo albums of your exploits for later years.

Plan a Holiday

Even if you are unable to have a holiday together this year or next due to financial or time limitations, still plan a holiday together for when you are able to go away together. Don’t just decide we’ll go to Greece when we can and forget about it.

When you are apart both spend time exploring different destinations, find out about the history of the area, what there is to see or do, the local food, customs, etc … imagine you’re a travel writer and do a write up. Send each other the destinations you find out about and decide together where you would like to go and explore.

This is not only a way to give you both something to look forward to but is also a great way of learning about your long distance partners likes and dislikes.

Learn a Language

Whether it’s German, Spanish or Mandarin start to learn a new language together and send love notes in the new language.

Don’t just reach for google translate, grab a language book and start with the obvious …. I love you … ich liebe dich … te amo … wo ai ne.

Over time you will progress in the language and therefore in your ability to tell your loved one how you feel. You’ll also have a lot of fun when you get it wrong and say “you’re eyes are like jellied eels”.

Have Fun Together

This may sound obvious but many long term long distance relationships suffer because couples wait until they are together to argue, complain or decorate the spare bedroom.

Your time together is not just to sort out domestic arrangements, it should be an enjoyable time or why should your partner make the effort to travel all that way if it’s just to fight or be nagged all weekend?

Get all of the drudgery out of the way on the telephone or preferably internet (with a webcam so you can read body language) and clear the air before your partner visits you, then relax and have fun when you get time together.

Time and technology marches on but surely human relationships have remained the same since time began?

Well no, not really.

We only need to look to other cultures to see how different courting rituals are around the world in present days and I do believe we can learn something from arranged marriages but that’s another story.

So has it really become more difficult to find a husband in the past 50 years or have the goal posts simply moved?

Statistics in the UK show that single men outnumber single women by a considerable number, with over a million more single men than women, so why on earth are some women finding it impossible to find a husband?

Here are three reasons your Grandma found a husband but you can’t:

1. The Economy

Our Grandmothers were much more practical people, with “romantic notions” being reserved for the silver screen or a hot cocoa while you read Mills and Boon.

When it came to finding a husband they looked for a provider, a man with a steady income, clean habits and someone their mother approved of. A boring young bank clerk was considered a good catch because he could be a branch manager one day.

Dating opportunities were often limited to the Saturday night dance at the local church hall.

Likewise our Grandfathers grew up knowing they would leave school, find work and then start a family .. it’s just how life went. Playboys were rich and belonged to the upper class.

The economic boom of the eighties and early to mid nineties meant that Steve, the local estate agent, could live a cheap version of a playboys life.

He had his own “bachelor pad”, car, went clubbing every night and could sleep with as many girls as he could cope with (or would say yes) … why on earth would he want to give that up and swap it for a life of nagging and nappies?!

In short our economic situation allowed us to be far more fussy about who we chose as a life partner and therefore limited the number of potential candidates.

2. Technology

I remember my Grandma telling me about my great aunt (the family hussy because she married 4 times), as an actress she went off to Berlin and met, then married husband number three … ooo the shame of it.

For her generation the choice of men was usually limited to their own town or social circle, which limited their expectations.

For us the world is our slimy mollusc, we can now log on to the internet and in seconds be searching dating website databases with a few million members.

But surely that is good news, more people to choose from? Erm, no.

Suddenly the fella down our street seems a lot less attractive when there are chaps out there with sexy French accents or smouldering South American eyes.

So while we sit waiting for Antonio Banderas to come and serenade us Malcolm from down the road met some French tart and went to live in Paris.

We are essentially ignoring what is realistically on offer locally because we’re sure there is something far more exciting on offer in far off lands (or at least in another city).

3. Granny Held Out

My father often jokes about having spent a whole year trying to get his hand up my mothers jumper … bless him, he never managed it but wow did he have fun trying and he couldn’t wait to marry my mother to sample her delights.

Then the sexual revolution hit town and terms like ‘one night stand’ and ‘co-habitation’ entered our vocabulary.

Even my mothers generation had the sense to know you can lead a man anywhere, even to the altar, by his privates.

Just browse the internet and see how many times women ask how long they should wait until they sleep with a man (a week, a month, 3 months) …. our Grandma’s had a simple answer to this question …. until he puts a wedding ring on your finger.

Women’s liberation has given us so many choices, many our Grandmothers would never have thought of but in reality they settled for less and found it easier to find a husband.

We now want the whole nine yards and then sit back and wonder why we can’t find a husband. That doesn’t mean we should all settle for the first person to turn up and ask us on a date but perhaps we should be taking a leaf out of Grandma’s book and being a little more practical about our search for a husband.