Nigerian and Russian scammers have long used the old “I’m a civil engineer working in Nigeria or Russia …. oops I’ve been robbed/got sick/got a great business deal and need a financial loan” trick to scam money out of trusting people they meet online.

The serviceman scam stoops to an even deeper low, playing on people’s patriotism, sympathies and trust.

When it began the soldier scam usually said they were a soldier (from US or UK) serving in Iraq but as public popularity for the Iraq war dwindled Afghanistan became the war zone of choice.

This is how the scam works:

After registering with an online dating site the scammer uploads a photo of a soldier they have downloaded from a facebook page or army recruiting website and then copies and pastes a great profile writeup from a script.

They immediately send a short but friendly message to numerous women on the site introducing themselves and asking about the woman.

You reply, saying a little about yourself and asking about him.

When they respond they will give very little away about themselves, again responding to what you have told them and asking questions about you. They will also give an email or msn address where you can contact them offsite.

NB … the more you tell a stranger about yourself, particularly personal stories, the closer you feel to them because there is a bond of trust … scammers use this against you and the more you tell the more trust you show.

In their second or third email they will tell you they are a US or UK soldier serving in Afghanistan or Iraq … they say they hope that doesn’t scare you … and they have one child they are totally devoted to.

The story then varies depending on which script the scammer is working from …. either they are a widower or divorced …. sometimes their ex/deceased wife was a Nigerian, if so the child may have gone to stay with his ex/deceased wife’s mother in Nigeria while he is away at war, or else the child is with his own mother in UK or US while they are in Afghanistan (this depends wether they have contacts in the UK or US to channel the money through).

After they feel they have your trust and you are emotionally hooked (usually after declarations of love or commitment to a long term relationship) they will start to mention how worried they are because they’ve heard their child is sick. This can either be a gradual process or they will receive a call with the heartbreaking news while they are talking to you online or by phone.

Then the first request to borrow money will arrive to pay for emergency medical care for their child … obviously they can’t send money from Afghanistan, it’s a war zone but will pay you back as soon as they get home.

If you send money the requests will keep coming as their imaginary child gets sicker and the medical bills mount up … oh and don’t forget his dear old mother who has to stay in a hotel next to the hospital.

This scam is quite successful because you have a patriotic soldier putting life and limb on the line each day. One who has gone through heartbreak and tough times emotionally (showing his vulnerable side) and of course one that is totally committed to loving and caring for you for the rest of your life … they are exactly what you have been looking for, a real life knight in shining armour.

A professional woman in the UK was scammed out of £10,000 by this very type of scam …. please don’t fall for it.

My apologies to the genuine US soldier in the photo used in this article, I simply copied it from google images to show how easy it is and I hope the soldier in the picture (and his family) would understand my intention is simply to keep women safe by explaining how the soldier scam works.

Almost every successful online dating scam follows a set pattern of behaviour.

Once scammers find something that works they will use it until people get wise to the scam and then move on to something new.

Unfortunately, as dating scams deal with our most basic instinct (the desire to love and be loved) this old trick is not running it’s course, it still works every day.

Here is the basic behavior pattern of an internet dating scammer, the psychology behind each step and the red flags to look for … learn to read the signs.

The Scammers Approach

They will send a short introductory message as soon as you or they join the site. They will often approach people 10 to 15 years older than they say they are.

They will very quickly (usually in the first one or two messages) want to move off the site and on to yahoo, msn or mobile texting.

If you agree to move off the dating site within 2 days they will remove their profile from that site and inform you they have done this because they know they have found the one they were looking for.

They will explain that English is not their first language so they are slow at typing (in actual fact they take so long to respond because they are also chatting to 4 other potential victims at the same time).

Red flag:

They want to get you off the dating site as quickly as possible .. ask yourself why?

Scammers Cover Story

This is just one cover story but it will give you an idea of how creative they are.

They will begin by telling you they are a business man or woman and are either currently doing contract work  in an African country or they are in Europe at the moment but will be travelling to Africa on business soon.

They will usually say they are French, Belgian, Dutch, Italian or whatever because when you speak on the phone it can be difficult to tell what their accent is.

Together

They will chat to you daily and within a week they will tell you they are in love with you, they have been waiting for you all their life, they have dreamed of meeting someone like you and they can’t wait for you to be together.

They are perfect for you, almost too good to be true. Everything they tell you sounds like they read your profile and messages then invented their entire persona just for you (there’s a hint in there).

They will quickly talk of visiting you with a view to moving your relationship to the physical level and will talk of marriage.

Red Flag:

Too much, too soon, never met and nobody is that perfect for you. It’s one of the joys of relationships, we have to compromise and if someone is just “perfect” then you should smell a rat.

First Request For Money

This will usually come after 10 to 14 days of chatting daily and take one of four forms. The request will be in an amount from 1000 to 20000 UK pounds or US dollars (although sometimes much more), they will sound so embarrassed to have to ask you BUT:

1. A medical emergency
2. Victim of a crime.
3. Visa money and flight money to come to be with you.
4. A business deal is slipping through their fingers.

The medical emergency will take the form of needing to see a doctor because they are sick or must pay a hospital bill for either them or a close family member. They will say it’s only a loan, someone owes them money and as soon as they get it they will send it right back to you.

The crime will take the form of their wallet/passport/laptop/luggage has been stolen and they are stuck in Africa and need to get home (this may be coupled with the need to pay the hospital bill after the attack).

Of course they have to travel a few hundred miles to apply for the visa, then travel back for the interview and that’s expensive .. the fact that our embassies now accept initial online applications should warn you here.  They also need flight money to come to see you, someone owes them money which they could use but they won’t get it back for a few weeks and they just can’t wait that long to be with you. As soon as they get their money back they will send you what they owe you. Others just say they can’t afford it and if you are to be together then can you pay for their flight.

A great deal came up and they have paid 200,000 plus for heavy machinery/gold/precious stones/etc but they are short 20,000. When they are back home they can sell it for more than double what they are paying for it. Their bank doesn’t have a branch over there so he/she can’t get the remaining money wired to them .. can you just help him/her out and they’ll split the profits with you when they get back and sell their purchases.

Please note that in any of these scenario’s if you say you can’t afford the amount they are asking for they will simply ask for less and try to get the remaining amount elsewhere … and yet they had to ask you, a total stranger, for the money.

Any money you send needs to be sent through Western Union.

Red Flags:

1. A business person that travels frequently and goes to Africa without medical insurance .. pull the other one.
2. If they’re a victim of crime why haven’t they gone to their Embassy for help, that’s what they’re there for and they WILL help in such circumstances.
3. They are so desperate to meet you but never suggest you go to meet them when they get back to their home country, just send them money and they’ll come to you.
4. A business person that can’t get to a bank there but was allowed to wander through customs with 200,000 in cash, which they just happened to be carrying in case they fancied a bite to eat .. I don’t think so!!
5. If the words Western Union and internet dating crop up in the same sentence run a mile.

If you Don’t Send Money

If you sound even slightly hesitant about sending money or say you simply can’t afford to, they will suddenly go into fits of remorse for even asking you .. you will get a tyrade of what a dreadful person they are and they will never forgive themselves for asking .. blah blah blah.

Once they are sure you feel really guilty and sorry for them, usually coupled with you saying you really want to help them but … they will start to ask for money again. Maybe you could just lend them a small part of what they need? Do you have a car you could sell?

Documentational Proof

In order to build trust and reassure you that you are not being scammed they will email you documentation to prove they are telling the truth and how much they need.

This may take the form of:

1. A hospital bill and letter from a doctor explaining they can’t release his/her passport until the bill is paid.
2. A police report detailing the crime and the value of what was stolen.
3. A letter from a travel agent explaining the flight has been booked and they await x number of pounds/dollars to pay for the flight or even a copy of the flight booking confirmation.
4. A receipt from the business they are buying from detailing their purchase and the amount outstanding. This will often state that if the outstanding amount is not paid he/she will lose the money already paid.

Red Flags:

All of these documents are written in English, even the police report .. how convenient, that means you can read them.

I could produce any of these documents in about 10 minutes with my laptop and photoshop.

You can book a flight online and print off the booking confirmation straight away, then cancel the booking. This is such an effective tool though psychologically because you “see” the flight they are coming on, so it can’t be a con … can it?

It’s all proof of nothing other than their ability to use a computer.

Second Request for Money

If you send any money for a flight it will quickly be followed by a second request.

The most popular of these is the Basic Travel Allowance (BTA).

This is where the psychology of the scam gets you in two ways.

Firstly it gets you emotionally, you desperately want to meet this perfect love of your life or you wouldn’t have sent the flight money (usually 2-3000). They sound so utterly disappointed when they tell you they went to get their visa and the embassy/government/travel agent explained they need BTA money in cash, 800-1000 pounds or dollars, which has to be shown at the departure desk.

Secondly you may begin to smell a rat but you’ve already sent a lot of money, so your brain will be desperately trying to convince you that you haven’t just been scammed (even though in your heart you know you have).

You may decide to cut your losses and break contact but many victims of scams try to give them the benefit of the doubt in the hopes of this person really being the love they are looking for and in the hope they haven’t just become the latest victim of a dating scammer.

Red Flags:

There is no such thing as BTA. Before sending any money for visa/passport/travel requirements check the internet, look at your embassy website and establish what is actually needed and what is just an attempt to part you from your hard earned cash.

I know this all makes it sound very “any idiot could work it out” and in the cold light of day they could but these people are very good at what they do and are very convincing.

Please learn the behaviour patterns of online dating scammers so you don’t become a victim.

Also known as the Personal Travel Allowance, Travellers Allowance Fee, Travellers Assistance Fund, Travellers Assurance Fund and numerous other forms of “I have to have wodges of your cash or they won’t let me fly”.

Let’s get this over with now … THERE IS NO SUCH THING any more, anywhere, it’s an online dating scam.

First of all look at the wording Basic Travel ALLOWANCE, not basic travel requirement.

In the same way as we now have cigarette and alcohol allowances (ie the maximum amount you can take into/out of a country) the BTA used to be the maximum amount of local currency that could be exchanged and taken out of a country.

Why?

If poorer nations just allowed everyone to take as much cash as they liked out of their country the economy would be dead in the water in a week.

Therefore, poorer countries introduced the BTA to limit the amount of local currency that exited their country. This was scrapped 3-4 decades ago and replaced with other currency allowances but it gives the scammers an excellent legitimate sounding tool to get your money.

Something vital to understand is that third world countries don’t care who leaves or if they ever come back, the people that care are the country the person is travelling to.

This means that during the visa application process the applicant must prove to the visa section of the country they are visiting that they, or their sponsor, is financially able to pay for travel and expenses.

Very occasionally passport control at their destination country may randomly ask a traveller how much cash they have (this is usually when someone from a third world country arrives for a two week stay with 10 suitcases) and 50-100 pounds sterling/dollars or equivalent is more than adequate.

There is NO requirement, anywhere, for the person to show their government/travel agency/airline that they have 1000 pounds/dollars in cash … it’s a spinoff from the Nigerian 419 dating scam and a very effective one.

The usual amount asked for in terms of BTA is between 800 and 3000 pounds or dollars.

Let’s put this into context … on the Nigerian section of the Expat Blog we see:

the cost of living in Nigeria… a bit of an odd question as 90% of the population lives on less than a dollar a day.

So if you send them 1000 pounds  (without calculating the flight money etc) you have just paid them 8 years basic living allowance.

Bet you wish someone would give you 8 years of salary free for just making a couple of phone calls and sending a few emails!!

Not hitting home yet?

Let’s try something more visual. At todays exchange rate 1000 British pounds is 241,127.33 NGN (nigerian currency).

Now go to Nigeria Car Finder and in the second hand car section leave everything as any and set the price to 250000

My search showed that your hard earned cash could buy a scammer:

1992 Honda, Accord … takes just 1 successful scam (flight and BTA money)
1993 190e mercedes, 1993 model … takes just 1 successful scam (flight +BTA)
2000 Mercedes-Benz, 200-Series … takes just 3 successful scams (flight and BTA)

Now then, do YOU drive a mercedes?

What about a home in a well-to-do area?

“Real estate for sale: 3 bedroom bungalow in cornerstone estate Price: 7 million”

So they just have to scam 10 people in the UK out of 3000 pounds for flight/BTA/hospital etc and bingo, they can live the high life without a mortgage … can you?

I’m sorry to be so brutal about this but you MUST understand that sending these people money is the equivalent of you having a half decent win on the lottery.

To make matters worse if you send them just 1 pound or dollar they will never leave you alone, you will have to change your online details, your home phone number, your mobile number and perhaps even move house to get away from them.

If you are reading this because you think you might be being scammed (requests for large sums of money to be sent through Western Union for BTA or flights) then I almost guarantee you are.

If you have already sent money then don’t feel ashamed, they prey on the humans most basic instinct, to love and be loved.

However, cease all contact immediately … don’t decide they might just be genuine so I’ll give them a couple of days, if you are reading this your head is sending you alarm signals, listen to them.

Conclusion: There is no such thing as Basic Travel Allowance or any other terms which suggest such a thing, the BTA is a dating scam.

(please note the photo of the boys used in this blog post are not known dating scammers, it is simply a photo of boys in Africa)

Before you start playing hot and frisky or declaring love to someone from an online dating site do a little research to find out if they are a Nigerian dating scammer.

First of all make sure you understand what the 419 internet dating scam is and how it works.

Remember these scammers are everywhere, not just in major online dating sites but also on forums and in chatrooms about every topic there is.

Even very small niche dating websites can occasionally let one slip through the net depending on how experienced the scammer is.

Now let’s start investigating this too good to be true, dying to get married to you person.

1. Trace the Dating Profile Photo

Is the dating profile photo just too good to be true, does it look like a model? If so it probably is.

The photo I have used on this post is one a Nigerian scammer stole from a model agency website and was using on online dating profiles.

However more sophisticated Nigerian scammers are now using very ordinary holiday snaps they find around the internet.

So either copy the images from their profile if the website hasn’t blocked the copy feature or ask the person to email you their photo’s .. now go to TinEye.com and upload the photo’s.

Tineye is a reverse image search engine and will find the image online even if it has been altered.

This will tell you where the original photo was uploaded, eg a model agency website or someones photo album.

Romancescam also has a photo database of known scammers. Just go to Scam Digger upload the photo(s) and it will compare them to the ones in their database.

2. Check Email Adresses

The Nigerian scammers favourite email and chat provider by far is Yahoo, I would say that over 90% of the scam profiles I reject from my dating site are using yahoo email addresses.

Look out for addresses with 4u, 4luv, 4life, 4love, 4ever at the end .. eg lillian4u@yahoo.com, it’s no guarantee but does ring alarm bells.

3. Track the IP Address

An IP address will give you the location of the web server they are using, if it goes back to Nigeria or Senegal for example then you might want to rethink your budding relationship.

IP addresses can be routed through certain websites so you would see a UK or US ip address but you can track back to the original.

This excellent blog post will take you step by step through tracking the original IP address of an email sender in GMail, Yahoo and Outlook.

Once you find the ip address just go to a free ip locator website and paste it in the search box.

This then lists the country, region and city of the server the sender is using .. clever isn’t it.

4. Search Profile Information

If the person you are chatting to has a well written profile, with a good standard of English grammar then copy and paste a couple of phrases and do a google search.

I’ve just tried it with one of todays scammers profiles on my dating site and the phrases originate on a US blogs about me page.

5. Ask to Chat on Webcam

Be persistent about this. These scammers will send you up to 30 photo’s of ‘themselves’ (they are often all photos of the same model taken from an agency website) but a webcam will show you who you are talking to.

Of course they won’t have a webcam, even if you send them money to buy one they will reel off excuse after excuse as to why it won’t work but that is what you want.

The more they refuse to show themselves the more suspicious you will get and the aim here is to protect you from these people.

We have all heard about the “please cash my money order or cheque for x millions and you get 10%” letters and emails, well that is a 419 scam.

You may not fall for the big pay day scams but are you savvy enough to avoid the more subtle Nigerian scams?

419 scams are now so prevelent on the internet that a cyber sport has been developed around it, called scambaiting, which involves people tracking and communicating with scammers to frustrate their efforts.

Ways in which a Nigerian or 419 scam works on internet dating sites:

1. Registering Their Profile on a Dating Site

The first hurdle for a scammer is getting a profile registered with an online dating site.

Go to any of the big free dating sites and you will soon spot a scammers profile, it will be in bad English, have a username ending in something like 4u or 4luv and be gushing about love, marriage, having children and finding soulmates.

These are the new recruits but the experienced scammers are far more savvy.

Also they don’t only join free sites, as this scam example shows, trusted sites like Match also have their share of scammers and these will be the better ones as they are making enough money to join the paid sites.

2. Hooking a Victim

Their first message to you will usually be very complimentary, stating the many things you have in common (just about everything) and supplying their email or chat address.

They want to get you off the website and chatting privately as quickly as possible.

Love will be declared very quickly and soon talk of visiting you and marriage will begin.

They will spend building your trust until they are sure they think you are mentally planning a future together.

Often they will begin to refer to you as their husband or wife, long before you have ever even met (not that you are going to meet but the promises will keep coming).

3. Request for Money

Then it starts and can come in a million forms. The requests for money may start small but will grow with time. Here are some of the more common requests:

• Money to buy a phone card so they can call you (the exchange rate is worth the trouble).
• Enough to buy a webcam so you can see them while you talk.
• A family member is in hospital/trouble and they need to quickly borrow money. They will seem embarrassed to have to ask and make gushing assurances about paying it back.
• Flight, visa or translation fee money (all backed up with a travel agents letter setting out the costs and reasons for requiring cash not direct payment). This is so they can come to be with you .. of course at the last moment there is always a reason they can’t actually travel.
• A request to cash a living allowance cheque and send the cash by Western Union .. gosh their employers screwed up again and they can’t cash it at a local bank.
• Cash to get a works project off the ground, they have the job but can’t afford to buy/hire/transport the equipment and the profits from the job will be huge .. of course they’ll pay you back with interest.
• They have been working abroad and the company went bust/fired them/employer attacked them/etc and they need to get home to UK/US/Germany or wherever.

4. A Reason for Everthing

If you become at all suspicious they will have a reason for everything and because you want them to be genuine it will be easy to fall for their explanations.

You will also they find that if they ask for 850 pounds or dollars and you say you can only let them have 400 they will suddenly find a reason that 400 is just enough to cover or they will get the rest from someone else .. even though two days ago you were the only person in the world that could help them.

Don’t think for a moment that only the gullible fall for the Nigerian scam, we discussed this in the post about what an online dating scam is and there are many examples on the net of ordinary intelligent people falling for these dating scams.

If you think you may be chatting to a scammer and want some support then head on over to Romance Scams forum. They have a database of known scammers, their current email addresses and photos of innocent people the scammers use from the internet.

In my next post I will tell you how to investigate and find out if you are chatting on an online dating site to a 419 or Nigerian scammer.

Signals of dating scams are quite easy to ignore if you are earnestly looking for someone to love you.

I say ‘to love you’ and not ‘find someone you can love’ because it is our emotional needs that these people prey on.

Before we look at specific dating scams you need to know the basics …

What is an online dating scammer?

There are two types of predators using online dating sites, players and scammers.

Players are looking for notches on their bedpost and this post will tell you how to spot and online dating player.

While both are playing on your emotional vulnerability, a scammer is a person who contacts you on an online dating site with the intention of making money from you, either for personal gain or for their employer.

Scammers are simply actors who play a role online to entice you to part with your money. They often have scripts and receive a percentage of the ‘profits’ they con out of you.

What is an online dating scam?

Dating scams come in many different forms but all share the same intention, to get you to pay.

The amounts of money involved vary, usually starting off with small requests for money so they can top up their mobile phone to call you (remember that 10 pounds sterling can equal a weeks pay in a poor country) but can lead to thousands of pounds once they have you hooked.

Consumer Direct (the UK Governments consumer protection website) defines a scammer as:

“An online dating scam is when a scammer, male or female, creates a false personal profile and makes contact with you via an online dating agency or even a specialised chat room. The scammer says that they are seeking romance or a soul mate but are really out to steal not only your heart but your cash too.”

This isn’t just the Nigerian ‘send a money order’ scam we are all hopefully familiar with now.

Other forms of scams involve getting you to visit premium rate websites or call premium rate telephone numbers.

There is also the ‘I want to meet you but need flight money, insurance, cash, visa’ or whatever but  of course on the day of travel their second cousin twice removed suddenly has a sick gerbil so they can’t travel. Of course they can’t possibly get a refund but if you send more money they will travel next month.

Over the next few posts we will look at some very specific scams, how to spot a dating scammer, the dating scammers toolbox and how to avoid scammers on online dating sites.

Where do scammers hang out?

Scammers are more often than not found on free dating websites, they are in this game to make money not spend it.

Those that do pay to join dating sites will join the largest international sites, as this offers a greater number of potential victims but no site is totally safe from scammers.

They will also join forums and chat rooms specifically for lonely hearts or dating.

People often mistakenly believe that scammers are male Africans but a quick look at the US Embassy website in Russia has an excellent question and answer section about internet dating scams which tells a very different story.

Victims of dating scams are stupid

If this is your opinion then think again. Surveys of victims of dating scams have shown that most are well educated, hard working singles and dare I say very ‘normal’ people.

One of the reasons these people get away with online dating scams is because their victims all believe they are not the type of person who could fall for a scammer, often believing they can spot a scammer a mile away.

We tend to hear more about women being scammed than men because men are less likely to come forward and admit they were scammed, however both men and women are regularly scammed online.

It is so important for all online daters to be educated and aware of online dating scams, which we will look at more closely in future posts. Remember to follow our 5 golden rules for online dating safety but for now we have answered the question of what is an online dating scam.