The first is not having a photo on your profile, having a profile photo improves your chances of dating success ten-fold.

Next is a lame or suggestive username, here are the 10 worst dating profile usernames I could find and yes they are real usernames but will give you an example of what sort of thing to avoid.

Then comes the profile or message headline, this is a first glimpse into your mind so says a lot about you.

Here are some examples of bad online dating profile headlines:

Sexual Comments

Whether you refer to your own anatomy, make comments about other people’s or make suggestive remarks, sexual comments are a big no-no unless you are on an adult dating site.

• It’s hard to be good but good if you’re hard
• One night with me is all you’d need to forget everyone else
• Busty blonde knows how to have a good time
• Handyman with own tool
• Scratch my 7 Year Itch

Desperate Headlines

Desperation is not an attractive quality, it is often associated with depression, online stalking and a generally sad person.

• Pick me, pick me
• Make me laugh again
• Can you make me love again
• Be mine forever
• Still seeking my soulmate
• I’m not your type but …

No Imagination

If you have all the time in the world to think of one sentence and still can’t write anything then it doesn’t bode well for an interesting date with witty intelligent conversation.

• Not sure what to write here
• Will fill this in later
• I’m just me
• Just trying this out
• Am new to online dating
• Insert funny headline here

Lame Ducks

Quirky and funny can be good but if you try too hard you just sound sad or silly. If you think it sounds funny or quirky email it to a friend and see if they have the same reaction or come back with WTF??

• My tenticles give me more to cuddle you with
• Single cool dude with brain the size of a planet
• Ab ove maiori discit arare minor
• E=mc2 but what equals me?
• I’m the one your mother warned you about
• OK you got my attention now what?

To find out how to get it right check out examples of good online dating profile headlines and read how to wtite headlines for online dating profiles and messages.

Firstly find out how to write headlines for online dating profiles and messages.

Don’t be afraid to edit your profile and change your heading regularly, this will attract different types of people to your profile.

There are a number of ways to get ideas for message or profile headlines but they do need to capture the imagination rather than just get lost in a sea of other similar headings.

Don’t just copy someone elses’s headline because you think it’s funny or clever, try to be original and put a little of your personality into your profile and messages.

Here are some examples of good headlines and where the inspiration came from.

Hobbies or Interests

You can attract the right kind of people with shared interests or an important issue like religion. Add something in the headline that is important to you.

• Welly wearing dog walker loves puddle splashing
• Christian Choirist raises the rafters
• Canooing wombat seeks hiking kangaroo
• Student of life indulges passion for culture

Specific Gender

You could think of a constant criticism of your gender and swim against the tide.

For women:

• Bubbly blonde with PhD potential
• Blondes have more fun but brunettes nag less often
• Feminine and strong in equal quantities

For men:

• What’s the offside rule?
• Brains and brawn in equal quantities
• Can I ask you for directions?

Romantic or Sentimental

If you are a romantic or sentimental person then show that, the people who respond will often be like-minded.

• Cat Lover Seeks Purrrfect Lap to curl up on
• Inspire me to write a love poem for you
• A perfect day is shared with someone you love
• Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and I am too

Realistic

You don’t have to have sparkling witt or be particularly charismatic to attract people. Be honest about yourself, most of us have very ordinary lives but we all have attractive qualities.

• Experimental cook needs food taster
• Well preserved but not yet pickled
• 750cc’s of mad biker seeks pillion
• Bookworm seeks bookmark to keep her place
• Office worker by day, inter-galactic assassin by night

Ok the last one’s only half honest but it adds a bit of fun while getting across that you don’t have a very exciting job.

Quotations and Characters

You can use a favourite quotation that demonstrates a philosophy or use characters from a book or film you enjoy.

• Weatherwax seeks Rincewind for magical moments
• If you’ll be Mark Anthony then I’ll be Cleopatra … but without the asp
• You non-conformists are all alike
• In order to be someone, you must first be yourself
• Don’t wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain

Be sure to avoid the mistakes made on these examples of bad online dating profile headlines.

Like a newspaper article headline, the heading on your dating profile or message should sum up something about you or your interests in one line and can mean the difference between getting noticed online or ending up in the trash can.

Hopefully you know how to choose a good dating profile username and this will initially draw people to your profile but then you have to back up an interesting username with a catchy headline or introduction.

Active online daters are popular people and they will receive many messages each day and browse lots of profiles, so your message or profile has to stand out from the crowd by being a little different but you need to attract the right type of people, not just as many as you can.

Have a look at this list of message headings and see which one stands out to you:

Tintin sent you a flirt
Pauly29 sent you a flirt
Naughty_Nigel is seeking fun
Steve57 sent you a flirt
Exhausted Dragon Slayer Seeks Refuge
Hi I’m Ian
PeterZoo sent you a flirt
Hammy sent you a flirt

Which one is going to be opened first? The dragon slayer has immediately got someones attention, simply because the message looks different to the usual headings they will read.

Naughty_Nigel is heading straight for the trash can unless he is on a strictly adult dating site and the others are just all the same with different usernames. Ian is just unimaginative and isn’t going to jump out as a must read.

Another eye catching headling would be “Jaffa cake eater goes beserk in Tesco” it makes you sound quirky and fun, not the run of the mill “You’ve heard this a thousand times before” type of message.

Try to think of message subject headings as newspaper article headlines, when you read a newspaper the headline of the article will tell you if it’s something you would be interested in reading.

Have a try, grab a newspaper or magazine and a highlighter pen. Without reading any articles or thinking too much about it just go through and highlight headlines that sounds worth reading.

When you finish go back and study what you have highlighted. Are they about something you are already interested in, for example sports, politics or animals? If yes then there is the first step in writing good headings, write them for people that share your interests.

An example would be “My golf buggy has room for two, shall we tee off together?” or “Welly wearer seeks playmate for puddle splashing and dog walking”.

Alternatively the headlines you highlighted may not be about something you are interested in but the headline was sufficiently interesting to make you consider reading the article. Step number two, make the reader want to find out more.

An example would be the jaffa cake headline above or “Tiddlywinks Champion requires more winks”. It’s offbeat enough to get people reading your profile or message and sending you winks.

Good online dating headlines can be funny, romantic or clever but they do need to be positive, headlines with ’save me’ written all over them do not get a good number of responses.

Something to bear in mind when you write your headline is that people are not initially interested in what you are looking for, they are much more interested in what THEY are looking for. Write a heading that suggests you have something to offer them, in the form of a good laugh, a shared interest or a personality trait they like.

Not all dating profiles have a headline and if your dating site profile doesn’t then begin the “about me” section with a catchy one liner, something to make viewers want to continue reading.

Still not sure what to write? Ask some friends to sum you up in one sentence, friends tend to be more positive about us than we are about ourselves and they will pick out our more obvious characteristics.

The first thing that will attract people to your profile is the photo but a good headline comes a close second. Online dating messages require a good headline if you want them to be noticed and read, so be imaginative and for inspiration have a look at these examples of good online dating profile headlines but be sure not to copy these examples of bad online dating profile headlines.

The answer lies with each dating website, so it’s important you check this out before joining. The secret is to read the boring small print, not something the sites expect you to do .. so fool them and do it anyway, it can save you a lot of trouble in the future.

All dating sites should carry a Privacy Policy and this should tell you how your information will be used by the site .. if a site doesn’t have a privacy policy or doesn’t answer such questions then simply don’t join.

You can see my sites privacy policy here and the wording is:

What Happens to My Personal Information When I Leave?

There is a cancel membership button on your members home page, when you press this and confirm cancellation of your membership all of your information is removed from the website. We do not store your information or profile details, so once you cancel your membership it is as though you had never joined.

It’s as simple as that, I don’t need to sell peoples information or keep it so I can boast more members than I really have. However not all dating sites are the same.

I like to think we Brit’s haven’t caught the American ’sue anything that moves’ bug yet but we are heading that way and a recent article from Canada about the issue of your dating profiles long and scary shelf life makes for sobering reading.

Always make sure you know what you are signing up to for before joining an online dating service, don’t let the fancy logo’s and images of gorgeous people entice you to join before you have read the small print.

When you begin to date someone new it is important to find a balance between deciding they are “the one” in the first week thus removing your profile and continuing to chat to other people for the next 6 months just in case your new relationship doesn’t work out.

This is a topic for discussion between yourself and the new partner in your life.

If you simply decide after two dates to remove your profile it is a clear indication of intent on your part and may scare the new partner away, feeling they are being forced into a commitment they are not ready for.

The other side of the coin is that your new partner finds out after months of dating you that you are still active on dating websites, again this can lead to feelings of insecurity about your relationship as it is a clear indication that you are still seeking that special someone.

My advice is always to leave your dating profile on the website but do not log in to your account and tell your new partner that this is what you are doing. This means you can always go back to where you were if the relationship doesn’t work out.

This leads to the next problem, sneaking on to see if they are still active on the site. They then sneak on to see if you are still active and notice that you have been on the site, you then notice they have been on and round and round it goes.

This is going to cause you both problems and could end what may have been the perfect relationship for you.

So be honest, after a couple of dates state that you are enjoying seeing them so intend to leave your profile on the dating site but not use the site while you are both dating. When it is decided between you, that means agreement on both sides, that the relationship is exclusive then you can discuss removing your profiles from the site.

Remember a relationship is a two way street, just because you decide you are in a commited relationship doesn’t mean they have also decided the same thing …. discuss your relationship as it progresses but not every time you meet.

However the dangers, however remote, are very real and in bringing this issue to your attention I hope you will consider how you display your child or childrens photos while online dating.

As a dating website owner I often see parents proudly displaying their childrens photo’s on their dating profile. These are usually holiday shots, as that is a happy time you spent with your children and of course you want to show the world your wonderful family.

In reality this in itself poses no threat to the safety of your children, you have ensured you did not mention anything that can be used to trace you on your profile and even if people know what town you live in they are unlikely to go searching around for your particular children.

The problems begin to emerge when you start to get comfortable chatting to someone or to a group in a forum or chatroom.

Please carefully consider these 5 reasons not to put your childs photo on your dating profile where all the world can see them.

1. Online Predators

They are not lurking on every website you visit and their numbers are limited but they do exist. Predators often chat like normal people, they read the safety information too so are unlikely to ignore you and simply ask about your children. However someone that seems genuinely interested in you may casually ask the names of your children, their age or what town you live in. These are natural questions I would also ask a parent but someone with bad intentions can soon glean a lot of information.

Here is an example for you to consider (not a real one and I have used a picture of a child from a non English speaking country freely available on the net):

The parent simply states that her daughter is called Cindy and gives no further information, so no danger there right?

Wrong, it took me 43 seconds with some computer software to find this.

It could have been a number 43 bus or a shop name in the background but if someone wanted to find that child and turn up at school saying “Hi Cindy your Mum sent me to pick you up”, research shows that children are far more trusting if an adult knows their name.

2. Children’s Privacy

Your children want you to be happy, they are desperate for you to be happy but they don’t necessarily want the whole school looking at their photo on a dating site. School kids can be very cruel, as I’m sure we all remember and it just takes your friend to mention in front of his/her kids that you are on a particular dating site and children are bound to go looking.

Children will defend you and see it as your right to look for happiness but if their friends tell them that they are on the photos they will never live it down.

Consider your children’s privacy, they are people in their own right, so ask them if they mind you putting a photo of them on a dating site.

3. Your Children Aren’t Dating

Your profile states that you have children but people initially want to get to know you as an individual, they are not looking to date your children. In any new serious relationship the new partner must be able to get on with your children but this should not be done from day one.

Take time to get to know each other and if you decide to take your relationship further then begin the process of introducing your new partner and children.

4. Your Ex Partner

Is your ex partner aware that their child or children’s photos are being displayed on a dating website? Divorce can often lead to feelings of “I don’t care what they think” but if that parent is still involved with the children then should their feelings about where their children’s photos are shown not be taken into consideration?

For further information about protecting your child(ren) while online dating please read the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (ceopc) website. It is aimed at keeping your child safe while they are using the internet but there is some sobering information in there and of course if you feel someone online is taking an unusual interest in your children then this gives information for where to report it.

You can also report people you are suspicious of on the Think You Know website. This is run in conjunction with the ceopc website. Please do not only think about yourself, if you feel someone is asking too many questions about your children or shows more interest in getting to know them rather than you then please help protect other parents and report it. Better a red faced innocent person than the alternative.

Women also make a number of common mistakes with their profile photo for their online dating profile.

As with the men, the main photo on your profile is the one that will either get them reading more about you or send them for the next button.

Sadly I have spoken to a number of women on my website who have stated they would never contact a man and will not display a photo because it means men that do contact them are not shallow.

Sorry ladies but I couldn’t possibly agree with you. Why does a man finding you physically attractive mean they are shallow? Physical attraction is required if a relationship is to develop. I agree it should not be the only basis for a date but surely as grown women we can easily tell through messages whether a man has any interest beyond our looks.

Here are 8 of the most common mistakes women make (some are the same as the men but written from a female angle):

1. No photo

There are very few men who would truthfully state that appearance is not important, this doesn’t mean they are shallow. Some men are much more interested in the inner women but still want to know there is some physical attraction before initiating contact. Not having a photo can show lack of confidence, create unrealistic images of what you may look like or suggest you are married and not wanting to get caught out (more and more married women are using dating sites as places to find casual affairs). As I said with the men, there are no positive aspects to having a profile without a photo, it doesn’t make you seem more demure or show more self respect. If you are simply concerned about children or work colleagues simply join a site where you can hide your photo and only show to those members you select.

2. Fake photos

I am really surprised Cameron Diaz has any time left for her career, considering she has 3 million online dating profiles on the go. This is simply false advertising, you are trying to make men create a certain mental image of you and unless you look like Cameron then it’s simply unfair and will lead to disappointment for any dates.

3. Old photos

Fine, 10 years ago you were slimmer and you are starting your diet tomorrow but believe me your date IS going to notice that you are 10 years older and 2 stone heavier. The only person you are fooling is yourself, yes you will get more attention and an ego boost with an old photo but at some point reality will arrive and the damage you will do to your own confidence when men reject you simply isn’t worth it.

4. Group photos

You may have a great photo of yourself on a girls night out or at work and group photos are fine for a profile album but not as a main picture. A group photo may show you are fun, active and have friends but men want to see you and decide if you are their type physically.

5. Self taken shots

Don’t hold your mobile phone at arms length and take a picture of yourself, it will not be flattering. It will also be at odds with your profile if you say you are active and sociable. If you don’t want to say you are joining a dating site them tell a friend or work colleague it is for a social networking site or to send to a penpal and ask them to take a nice photo of you. If you have moved to a new area and don’t know anyone then take a camera to the local park and ask a woman there to take a photo of you.

6. Photos of your Children

Women are less likely these days to display photos of their children on dating sites but if you do choose to do so please don’t make it the main profile photo and if possible hide it from public view and only show members in your friends list. It is very easy during online conversations to mention things like school names or a school event that may give out more information than you should.

7. The Sexy pose

Will you get more interest than ladies without sexily posed photos …. possibly but is that the attention you are looking for? Men have become wary of these style photos because they are used by Russian mail order brides and Nigerian scammers, so you may not get the interest you were expecting. These style photos also suggest that sex is the main thing on your mind, so if you are looking for a real relationship then stay fully dressed and display a photo that doesn’t scream “take me now”.

8. Accessories

We ladies like out accessories and I admit it, I have a pair of sunglasses I think I look particularly attractive in but people want to see your face and eyes. The eyes say so much about you and

To understand what I am saying look at these two photos and then ask yourself which one a man would want a fling with and which he would consider a long term relationship with:

Most online dating sites will now allow you to have a number of photos on your profile but the most important photo is the one that first shows when your dating profile opens and this should be of you.

It is very noble to say “people should get to know me and not just be attracted to my looks” but that is simply not how the human mind works. Physical attraction is still a very necessary part of the dating process, so here are 8 of the most common mistakes:

1. No photo

This can suggest a number of things, either you have no confidence, are the elephant man or don’t want your wife finding out you are registered with a dating site. There are no positive aspects to not having a profile photo and this is unlikely to find you a date. If you are simply concerned about who may see you are registered with an online dating site (eg work colleagues or your children) then join a site that allows you to hide your photo and only share it with people you accept as friends. Beware of saying you will email a photo, ladies receive the most revolting pictures this way and will be wary of accepting your email.

2. False photos

Putting up a photo of Brad Pitt, a male model, you when you were 23 or one of your better looking friends may well get you more responses but what will happen when you actually meet someone in real life and they immediately see you are a fake? What else will they think you have lied about?

3. The cut out or ex

Displaying a photo of yourself with a beaming smile, female arm around you and what is obviously long hair trailing on your shoulder is not what women want to see. Also a photo with a female, whether that is your ex or a female friend sends bad signals. Most women would immediately compare themselves to the woman in the photo and it may just put them off contacting you or responding to your contact.

4. Group photos

Putting up a photo of you and three friends on a stag weekend and saying I’m second from the left will simply mean people can’t really see your face. Yes it means you are fun, active and have friends but people initially want to see you and decide if you are their type physically.

5. Self taken shots

A profile photo which clearly shows you are holding the camera yourself is actually quite negative, it suggests you are unable to find anyone to take a good picture of you. Webcam photo’s are simply bad quality and tend to show your face from a strange angle. It takes little effort to get a friend or family member to take a nice picture of you for your profile and the resulting contacts will make the effort worthwhile.

6. Children in photos

Men seem to be more prone to including a photo with their children, whether this is through pride or to show they are a family man but it is a mistake. Children have the right to privacy and it is easy to get chatting online and give out snippets of details about where you live or the name of the school your child(ren) attend and you have no idea who you are handing that information to. Keep your children safe and only show their photo to people you have been speaking to for some time and feel confident will not abuse your trust.

7. The naked chest

Unless you are joining an adult dating site then just don’t do it, it isn’t attractive even if you have a six pack. Yes of course women look and will probably find it sexy but it is very hard to take a man seriously that feels the need to display his chest. If you have a six pack then wear a tight t-shirt and leave something to the imagination.

8. Sunglasses, hats and sports gear

So you think you look like Tom Cruise in your aviator sunglasses or just cool in your baseball cap (plus it hides the thinning hairline) but women want to see your face so don’t hide behind props

For the best dating profile photo get an up to date photo of your head and shoulders, make sure it is clear and good quality. Ladies want to see your eyes, your smile and the real you.

As a demonstration look at these two photos and decide which would be more attractive to women:

Would you buy a chocolate bar called ‘vomit’ or a car called ‘breaksdownalot’? I doubt it, so why would anyone think people would be attracted by these real dating profile usernames:

1. Neverfaithful – well you get 10 out of 10 for honesty but I bet you don’t get many dates.

2. Somanyinches – well if you think 3″ is ’so many’ then best of luck to you. This is not a turn on.

3. Loveonly4you – and the other 30 women you contacted today. Sorry overly slushy is not attractive.

4. ManiacKiller – hey let’s meet soon, somewhere dark and devoid of witnesses!!

5. CockRot – nice touch, have a date and get a nasty infection. It may have seemed funny at the time but no-one is going to read the rest of your profile.

6. Boredofdating – well if you are bored of dating then why are you on a dating site? That just screams I want a husband and I want one now.

7. I’mboring – not going to want to read the rest of your profile then am I?

8. Falsetits44 – you have to be kidding me, you want to advertise that you are 44 and just had a boob job?

9. Princesstopamper – that just screams you are going to be high maintenance and hard work.

10. Stretchmarks – okay so you have had babies and now have stretchmarks but do you think that is the first thing you should tell some about you?

If you want help finding the right username for your dating profile then check out my post How to Choose a Good Username

Max My Profile has some excellent tips for choosing a username for your dating profile.

Isabella Snow gives some great username advice for men in her article Online Dating for Men – Good Usernames

Have you seen any that are worse than these, please leave a comment and let us know, we like a good

The sequence is usually to look at the username first, then the photo and if they like what they see then they read the rest of your profile to find out more about you.

Anyone who has joined an online dating site has had the frustration of repeatedly getting the “username taken” message until they just put in any old thing just to get registered. This can be a big mistake as you can’t change your username and it isn’t just a means of logging in to the site.

Try to think of the username as a product brand name, you may be attracted by a toothpaste called ‘clean and fresh’ but I doubt you would be so keen to try it if it were called ‘makes you gag’. Your username can have the same positive or negative effect on people browsing profiles.

Here are 4 easy steps to help you choose a fresh and appealing username for your dating profile.

1. Write down the things that interest you, for example I like to travel, am an avid reader of Terry Pratchett and am addicted to drinking latte. You can then start to create on paper usernames that you think would identify your interests like ‘travelbug’, ‘LastStopCairo’ or ‘AddictedtoLatte’.

Try to choose usernames that can be shortened, as typing ‘addictedtolatte’ in a chatroom would be tiresome and difficult for slow typers. However ‘latte’ is easy and quick to type.

You have to be careful here because if you use ‘takemeplaces’ this could suggest you are looking for someone to pay your way on your travels. Also if your profile suggests you once went to Scotland for your holidays that wouldn’t suggest a world traveller. Choose things that are an appropriate reflection of your lifestyle and interests.

Write down a number of options and avoid using numbers. If you end up as longlegs27 and someone is interesting in finding your profile again the chances are they will remember longlegs but will soon get bored looking through 27 profiles called longlegs to find yours.

Avoid too much emotion, using words like lonely or love in a username can suggest someone who is needy or desperate.

Don’t get carried away and call yourself ‘AvidRunner’ if you just like a gentle jog or the chances are you will meet someone that runs ten miles a day and expects you to be able to keep up. You will not look attractive lying on the pavement trying to breath and throwing up.

2. Choose a username that is appropriate for the site you are joining and the relationship you are looking for. If you are joining an adult ‘free love’ site then a username like “bigandhard” may be appropriate but if you are looking for someone to date and perhaps even get serious with then this would give entirely the wrong impression and invite the wrong type of people to contact you.

If you are unsure of the level of relationship you are looking for then avoid using emotion or sexual innuendo in your username and stick with your interests.

3. Take inspiration from things around you, pick up a favourite book and look at the characters names or a cd for a favourite song. However be a little creative, don’t just call yourself Kylie or Sting, choose a song title and work something out from there.

Examples from those two artists would be ‘covermewithkisses’, ‘DesertRose’ or ‘Valparaiso’. Valparaiso would be a great username because unless the interested person was a Sting fan they would be curious as to it’s meaning and this gives them an opportunity to contact you and ask about it.

4. Browse the other usernames on the site(s) you wish to join and see which ones appeal to you and which do not. This will give you ideas for what works and what doesn’t. If you are put off by ‘ManicDepression’ but want to read more about ‘fun2talk2′ then this should tell you something.

Don’t just look of profiles of your gender, look at your opposite gender too and see what makes you want to read more. If ‘LostinParis’ makes you want to get in touch and ask for the story behind the username then that person has chosen well and may give you ideas for a username you can use yourself.

Once you have chosen a username that is available on the site you are joining make sure you reflect that in your profile, so if you are “addictedtolatte” then mention your addiction to coffee in your profile.

Adding a question to a profile makes it easier for people to contact you, because you have already offered them the opportunity to get in touch and answer you. This can be linked in to your username, for example “I have a latte addiction, what are you addicted to?” or “I recently returned from visiting Cairo. What’s the most interesting place you have been to recently?”