First we have to understand why dating review sites exist.

They are there to make the review site owner money … and there is nothing wrong with that providing the reviews are fair and impartial.

When someone follows the links from the dating site review and becomes a paying member of a dating site, the review site owner is paid either a one off fee or a percentage of the membership fee.

I repeat, there is nothing wrong with this, the dating site review owner has to put in the time and money to get internet browsers to their review site and the service they offer (if genuine) can stop you joining the wrong dating site.

Where I do have a problem is with review sites who do not even invest 30 minutes of their time to write a review, they simply copy and paste whatever the dating site owners send over. This is not a review, it’s purely an advert.

So let’s have a look at some review sites and decide wether they are review sites or advert sites. To be fair I am simply searching google uk for Online Dating Review Sites and choosing the top four sites in the search results.

I hope this shows you what you need to be looking at when visiting a dating review site and helps you to find real review sites rather than a page full of adverts.

No3 on googles list gets my vote, not because it is the best review site but because it appears to be the most honest. If the owners would add some more information into the reviews then they would be miles ahead of the competition.

No 1 Best4sure

As I am based in the UK I went straight to their UK Dating Sites page. At random I chose the review for the iLove dating site.

I copied a phrase from the section headed ‘Our iLove Review’ and googled it (including quote marks around the phrase to ensure an exact match).

The phrase popped up on a couple of blogs dated from 2005. Now if this is THEIR iLove review then why does the same exact phrase come up on other site review pages?!!

Scrolling to the top of the page I see .. *****latest ilove Uk seems to be no more ! .. so why is it still on the review site if ther dating site is no more (answer – search engine optimisation).

Knowing that even the small ‘Our review’ section is actually written by the dating site I have lost all trust in the review site … next.

No2 Online Dating Reviews

This looks a bit more promising. At random I have clicked the review for Dating for Parents and there are two guest reviews, the second is titled “Paid Members Getting False Reports”. This is what reviews should sound like, a mix of positive and negative.

I click the link to read their review and then click again (at the bottom of the short review) to read the full review (am getting dizzy now). The full review includes difficulties the review staff had registering with the dating website but gave an overall good score – sounds fair and honest.

I was really starting to like this site until I clicked all the review links down the page … there are a lot that simply don’t have a review, making them simple adverts rather than reviews.

I get the impression that the site began with great intentions but over time has lost steam (let’s hope they have made a fortune and are on a beach in Barbados, far too relaxed to write reviews). It’s a shame and I hope next time I visit they have found a new lease of life and completed all the reviews.

Still it’s a good review site to begin your search and I couldn’t find any standard phrases across the net.

No3 The UK Online Dating Review

I will declare an interest in this site … albeit a very small one, as they use this blogs RSS feed for their Dating Advice page but as I believe in honest reviews that is what I shall give and hope my RSS feed doesn’t disappear off their site.

It is centred around the UK. Not simply sites for UK only but also worldwide sites with a high UK membership.

The first review on the page is for eHarmony in UK and the site states “No rating yet, as we don’t have enough feedback”. That suggests honesty to me.

All the information is on one page so you don’t have to chase round the site following links. They also include a mixure of dating site types, from traditional dating sites to speed dating.

However, the reviews are simply too short, I would prefer to read more about the reviewers impressions of the site but you can see the honesty in the short reviews provided.

If you are looking for a UK dating site I would certainly check out The UK Online Dating Review and look out for little comments like “watch for fake profiles”, it certainly gives you a hint of how well the dating site is policed (or not).

No4 Dating Jungle

I’m totally confused by this review site.

I clicked the section for extramarital dating and there are two sites listed (illicitencounters with an overall impression of 6 and Lovinglinks with overall impression of 1 (these scores are out of 10).

Now call me old fashioned but a score of 1 out of 10 has to be a pretty poor review surely?! Yet the overall impression wording states “The design of the site is attractive and makes lovinglinks stand out from other dating services.”

Likewise in the dating site reviews, Dating Direct gets a dreadful 1 out of 10 and yet the overall impression simply says “Impressive are the detailed profiles which optimise your matchmaking success as well as the responsiveness and ease of use of the Site.”

Anyone else confused? I can only assume that the good scores are given to paying sites and the badly scored sites are simply added to encourage you to join the paying sites?! One to be avoided I think.

However, after some time ignoring it and hoping it will go away I decided to give it another whirl tonight and guess what … Twitter has been invaded by adult dating sites.

I logged in tonight to check out the twitter feed of a blogger I particularly enjoy reading (it’s about farming so I won’t bore you with a link).

In my list of friends was a Tweet from Mike at KK Smarts (he’s an adwords guru and a thoroughly nice chap) and being supportive I had a peek and I’m pleased I did.

He has made a video about Tweetdeck showing us less technical people how to use this software. His video is from a business angle but very useful even if you’re just interested in puppies, gardening or limbo dancing.

Ever the student I downloaded Tweetdeck and made great use of the video pause button while I followed Mike’s instructions.

Because I run an online dating site for country people in the UK, write this dating blog and a countryside blog too, I like to stay up to date with what is happening in both the dating industry and the countryside.

Following along with the video I discovered that in Tweetdeck I can create columns and search for Tweets by keywords I enter.

No sooner had I created the search column for “online dating” than tweetdeck started pinging away (must remember to ask Mike how to turn that annoying pinging sound off).

The spam immediately started, at a rate of, on average, 10 Tweets per minute from just one dating site.

Of course all the avatars are of half naked models … and we know how many of those hang out on dating sites in the middle of the night … ahem!!

Most of the Tweets read like this “Indian successful guy 32 years looking for exciting women for kissing” or “Missing some adult fun? S*x makes it better.”

It’s interesting to note that all the male avatars play the “nice guy looking for a woman” card but the female avatars all say “come get some” .. psychology is an amazing advertising tool, I’m sure Mike would agree.

The website in question is tacky online dating site .. ok that’s not the real name and perhaps it’s a nice site if you like no strings encounters but boy they can spam with the best of them.

There are two things worrying me about this site.

First, as soon as I pressed the link the home page announced “members near Edinburgh”. I don’t live anywhere near Edinburgh but because my Twitter and Facebook accounts are linked and Facebook doesn’t have a Cumbria region I ended up ticking Edinburgh. So I’m very curious to know what software this website is using in order to know I am in the Facebook Edinburgh region. It’s just feels like an invasion of my privacy (is there such a thing online?).

Secondly it’s the blantant lying most of these dating sites use. After every Tweet it says “free online adult dating” but of course when you check the site out you soon realise you have to pay to even see all the profiles on the site.

Pure spam, they should go in the spam box with the Nigerian spammers and the letters awarding you £6,000,000 if you just send a cheque for £500.

Although I did have a real giggle when I saw the “report sexually explicit adverts ” button at the bottom of their home page and then went to the join now page (research people, research) and was asked if I give oral or do threesomes (and they are just the questions I could mention on this blog) … gosh nothing sexually explicit about that then!

Of course the site must be making money or they couldn’t afford to pay spammers to drop 10 plus links an hour from numerous Twitter accounts.

It’s just a shame that spammers invade every aspect of our online lives and there is some great dating advice articles linked to on Twitter but of course they just get lost in the spam.

Nigerian and Russian scammers have long used the old “I’m a civil engineer working in Nigeria or Russia …. oops I’ve been robbed/got sick/got a great business deal and need a financial loan” trick to scam money out of trusting people they meet online.

The serviceman scam stoops to an even deeper low, playing on people’s patriotism, sympathies and trust.

When it began the soldier scam usually said they were a soldier (from US or UK) serving in Iraq but as public popularity for the Iraq war dwindled Afghanistan became the war zone of choice.

This is how the scam works:

After registering with an online dating site the scammer uploads a photo of a soldier they have downloaded from a facebook page or army recruiting website and then copies and pastes a great profile writeup from a script.

They immediately send a short but friendly message to numerous women on the site introducing themselves and asking about the woman.

You reply, saying a little about yourself and asking about him.

When they respond they will give very little away about themselves, again responding to what you have told them and asking questions about you. They will also give an email or msn address where you can contact them offsite.

NB … the more you tell a stranger about yourself, particularly personal stories, the closer you feel to them because there is a bond of trust … scammers use this against you and the more you tell the more trust you show.

In their second or third email they will tell you they are a US or UK soldier serving in Afghanistan or Iraq … they say they hope that doesn’t scare you … and they have one child they are totally devoted to.

The story then varies depending on which script the scammer is working from …. either they are a widower or divorced …. sometimes their ex/deceased wife was a Nigerian, if so the child may have gone to stay with his ex/deceased wife’s mother in Nigeria while he is away at war, or else the child is with his own mother in UK or US while they are in Afghanistan (this depends wether they have contacts in the UK or US to channel the money through).

After they feel they have your trust and you are emotionally hooked (usually after declarations of love or commitment to a long term relationship) they will start to mention how worried they are because they’ve heard their child is sick. This can either be a gradual process or they will receive a call with the heartbreaking news while they are talking to you online or by phone.

Then the first request to borrow money will arrive to pay for emergency medical care for their child … obviously they can’t send money from Afghanistan, it’s a war zone but will pay you back as soon as they get home.

If you send money the requests will keep coming as their imaginary child gets sicker and the medical bills mount up … oh and don’t forget his dear old mother who has to stay in a hotel next to the hospital.

This scam is quite successful because you have a patriotic soldier putting life and limb on the line each day. One who has gone through heartbreak and tough times emotionally (showing his vulnerable side) and of course one that is totally committed to loving and caring for you for the rest of your life … they are exactly what you have been looking for, a real life knight in shining armour.

A professional woman in the UK was scammed out of £10,000 by this very type of scam …. please don’t fall for it.

My apologies to the genuine US soldier in the photo used in this article, I simply copied it from google images to show how easy it is and I hope the soldier in the picture (and his family) would understand my intention is simply to keep women safe by explaining how the soldier scam works.

Almost every successful online dating scam follows a set pattern of behaviour.

Once scammers find something that works they will use it until people get wise to the scam and then move on to something new.

Unfortunately, as dating scams deal with our most basic instinct (the desire to love and be loved) this old trick is not running it’s course, it still works every day.

Here is the basic behavior pattern of an internet dating scammer, the psychology behind each step and the red flags to look for … learn to read the signs.

The Scammers Approach

They will send a short introductory message as soon as you or they join the site. They will often approach people 10 to 15 years older than they say they are.

They will very quickly (usually in the first one or two messages) want to move off the site and on to yahoo, msn or mobile texting.

If you agree to move off the dating site within 2 days they will remove their profile from that site and inform you they have done this because they know they have found the one they were looking for.

They will explain that English is not their first language so they are slow at typing (in actual fact they take so long to respond because they are also chatting to 4 other potential victims at the same time).

Red flag:

They want to get you off the dating site as quickly as possible .. ask yourself why?

Scammers Cover Story

This is just one cover story but it will give you an idea of how creative they are.

They will begin by telling you they are a business man or woman and are either currently doing contract work  in an African country or they are in Europe at the moment but will be travelling to Africa on business soon.

They will usually say they are French, Belgian, Dutch, Italian or whatever because when you speak on the phone it can be difficult to tell what their accent is.

Together

They will chat to you daily and within a week they will tell you they are in love with you, they have been waiting for you all their life, they have dreamed of meeting someone like you and they can’t wait for you to be together.

They are perfect for you, almost too good to be true. Everything they tell you sounds like they read your profile and messages then invented their entire persona just for you (there’s a hint in there).

They will quickly talk of visiting you with a view to moving your relationship to the physical level and will talk of marriage.

Red Flag:

Too much, too soon, never met and nobody is that perfect for you. It’s one of the joys of relationships, we have to compromise and if someone is just “perfect” then you should smell a rat.

First Request For Money

This will usually come after 10 to 14 days of chatting daily and take one of four forms. The request will be in an amount from 1000 to 20000 UK pounds or US dollars (although sometimes much more), they will sound so embarrassed to have to ask you BUT:

1. A medical emergency
2. Victim of a crime.
3. Visa money and flight money to come to be with you.
4. A business deal is slipping through their fingers.

The medical emergency will take the form of needing to see a doctor because they are sick or must pay a hospital bill for either them or a close family member. They will say it’s only a loan, someone owes them money and as soon as they get it they will send it right back to you.

The crime will take the form of their wallet/passport/laptop/luggage has been stolen and they are stuck in Africa and need to get home (this may be coupled with the need to pay the hospital bill after the attack).

Of course they have to travel a few hundred miles to apply for the visa, then travel back for the interview and that’s expensive .. the fact that our embassies now accept initial online applications should warn you here.  They also need flight money to come to see you, someone owes them money which they could use but they won’t get it back for a few weeks and they just can’t wait that long to be with you. As soon as they get their money back they will send you what they owe you. Others just say they can’t afford it and if you are to be together then can you pay for their flight.

A great deal came up and they have paid 200,000 plus for heavy machinery/gold/precious stones/etc but they are short 20,000. When they are back home they can sell it for more than double what they are paying for it. Their bank doesn’t have a branch over there so he/she can’t get the remaining money wired to them .. can you just help him/her out and they’ll split the profits with you when they get back and sell their purchases.

Please note that in any of these scenario’s if you say you can’t afford the amount they are asking for they will simply ask for less and try to get the remaining amount elsewhere … and yet they had to ask you, a total stranger, for the money.

Any money you send needs to be sent through Western Union.

Red Flags:

1. A business person that travels frequently and goes to Africa without medical insurance .. pull the other one.
2. If they’re a victim of crime why haven’t they gone to their Embassy for help, that’s what they’re there for and they WILL help in such circumstances.
3. They are so desperate to meet you but never suggest you go to meet them when they get back to their home country, just send them money and they’ll come to you.
4. A business person that can’t get to a bank there but was allowed to wander through customs with 200,000 in cash, which they just happened to be carrying in case they fancied a bite to eat .. I don’t think so!!
5. If the words Western Union and internet dating crop up in the same sentence run a mile.

If you Don’t Send Money

If you sound even slightly hesitant about sending money or say you simply can’t afford to, they will suddenly go into fits of remorse for even asking you .. you will get a tyrade of what a dreadful person they are and they will never forgive themselves for asking .. blah blah blah.

Once they are sure you feel really guilty and sorry for them, usually coupled with you saying you really want to help them but … they will start to ask for money again. Maybe you could just lend them a small part of what they need? Do you have a car you could sell?

Documentational Proof

In order to build trust and reassure you that you are not being scammed they will email you documentation to prove they are telling the truth and how much they need.

This may take the form of:

1. A hospital bill and letter from a doctor explaining they can’t release his/her passport until the bill is paid.
2. A police report detailing the crime and the value of what was stolen.
3. A letter from a travel agent explaining the flight has been booked and they await x number of pounds/dollars to pay for the flight or even a copy of the flight booking confirmation.
4. A receipt from the business they are buying from detailing their purchase and the amount outstanding. This will often state that if the outstanding amount is not paid he/she will lose the money already paid.

Red Flags:

All of these documents are written in English, even the police report .. how convenient, that means you can read them.

I could produce any of these documents in about 10 minutes with my laptop and photoshop.

You can book a flight online and print off the booking confirmation straight away, then cancel the booking. This is such an effective tool though psychologically because you “see” the flight they are coming on, so it can’t be a con … can it?

It’s all proof of nothing other than their ability to use a computer.

Second Request for Money

If you send any money for a flight it will quickly be followed by a second request.

The most popular of these is the Basic Travel Allowance (BTA).

This is where the psychology of the scam gets you in two ways.

Firstly it gets you emotionally, you desperately want to meet this perfect love of your life or you wouldn’t have sent the flight money (usually 2-3000). They sound so utterly disappointed when they tell you they went to get their visa and the embassy/government/travel agent explained they need BTA money in cash, 800-1000 pounds or dollars, which has to be shown at the departure desk.

Secondly you may begin to smell a rat but you’ve already sent a lot of money, so your brain will be desperately trying to convince you that you haven’t just been scammed (even though in your heart you know you have).

You may decide to cut your losses and break contact but many victims of scams try to give them the benefit of the doubt in the hopes of this person really being the love they are looking for and in the hope they haven’t just become the latest victim of a dating scammer.

Red Flags:

There is no such thing as BTA. Before sending any money for visa/passport/travel requirements check the internet, look at your embassy website and establish what is actually needed and what is just an attempt to part you from your hard earned cash.

I know this all makes it sound very “any idiot could work it out” and in the cold light of day they could but these people are very good at what they do and are very convincing.

Please learn the behaviour patterns of online dating scammers so you don’t become a victim.

Also known as the Personal Travel Allowance, Travellers Allowance Fee, Travellers Assistance Fund, Travellers Assurance Fund and numerous other forms of “I have to have wodges of your cash or they won’t let me fly”.

Let’s get this over with now … THERE IS NO SUCH THING any more, anywhere, it’s an online dating scam.

First of all look at the wording Basic Travel ALLOWANCE, not basic travel requirement.

In the same way as we now have cigarette and alcohol allowances (ie the maximum amount you can take into/out of a country) the BTA used to be the maximum amount of local currency that could be exchanged and taken out of a country.

Why?

If poorer nations just allowed everyone to take as much cash as they liked out of their country the economy would be dead in the water in a week.

Therefore, poorer countries introduced the BTA to limit the amount of local currency that exited their country. This was scrapped 3-4 decades ago and replaced with other currency allowances but it gives the scammers an excellent legitimate sounding tool to get your money.

Something vital to understand is that third world countries don’t care who leaves or if they ever come back, the people that care are the country the person is travelling to.

This means that during the visa application process the applicant must prove to the visa section of the country they are visiting that they, or their sponsor, is financially able to pay for travel and expenses.

Very occasionally passport control at their destination country may randomly ask a traveller how much cash they have (this is usually when someone from a third world country arrives for a two week stay with 10 suitcases) and 50-100 pounds sterling/dollars or equivalent is more than adequate.

There is NO requirement, anywhere, for the person to show their government/travel agency/airline that they have 1000 pounds/dollars in cash … it’s a spinoff from the Nigerian 419 dating scam and a very effective one.

The usual amount asked for in terms of BTA is between 800 and 3000 pounds or dollars.

Let’s put this into context … on the Nigerian section of the Expat Blog we see:

the cost of living in Nigeria… a bit of an odd question as 90% of the population lives on less than a dollar a day.

So if you send them 1000 pounds  (without calculating the flight money etc) you have just paid them 8 years basic living allowance.

Bet you wish someone would give you 8 years of salary free for just making a couple of phone calls and sending a few emails!!

Not hitting home yet?

Let’s try something more visual. At todays exchange rate 1000 British pounds is 241,127.33 NGN (nigerian currency).

Now go to Nigeria Car Finder and in the second hand car section leave everything as any and set the price to 250000

My search showed that your hard earned cash could buy a scammer:

1992 Honda, Accord … takes just 1 successful scam (flight and BTA money)
1993 190e mercedes, 1993 model … takes just 1 successful scam (flight +BTA)
2000 Mercedes-Benz, 200-Series … takes just 3 successful scams (flight and BTA)

Now then, do YOU drive a mercedes?

What about a home in a well-to-do area?

“Real estate for sale: 3 bedroom bungalow in cornerstone estate Price: 7 million”

So they just have to scam 10 people in the UK out of 3000 pounds for flight/BTA/hospital etc and bingo, they can live the high life without a mortgage … can you?

I’m sorry to be so brutal about this but you MUST understand that sending these people money is the equivalent of you having a half decent win on the lottery.

To make matters worse if you send them just 1 pound or dollar they will never leave you alone, you will have to change your online details, your home phone number, your mobile number and perhaps even move house to get away from them.

If you are reading this because you think you might be being scammed (requests for large sums of money to be sent through Western Union for BTA or flights) then I almost guarantee you are.

If you have already sent money then don’t feel ashamed, they prey on the humans most basic instinct, to love and be loved.

However, cease all contact immediately … don’t decide they might just be genuine so I’ll give them a couple of days, if you are reading this your head is sending you alarm signals, listen to them.

Conclusion: There is no such thing as Basic Travel Allowance or any other terms which suggest such a thing, the BTA is a dating scam.

(please note the photo of the boys used in this blog post are not known dating scammers, it is simply a photo of boys in Africa)

Before you start playing hot and frisky or declaring love to someone from an online dating site do a little research to find out if they are a Nigerian dating scammer.

First of all make sure you understand what the 419 internet dating scam is and how it works.

Remember these scammers are everywhere, not just in major online dating sites but also on forums and in chatrooms about every topic there is.

Even very small niche dating websites can occasionally let one slip through the net depending on how experienced the scammer is.

Now let’s start investigating this too good to be true, dying to get married to you person.

1. Trace the Dating Profile Photo

Is the dating profile photo just too good to be true, does it look like a model? If so it probably is.

The photo I have used on this post is one a Nigerian scammer stole from a model agency website and was using on online dating profiles.

However more sophisticated Nigerian scammers are now using very ordinary holiday snaps they find around the internet.

So either copy the images from their profile if the website hasn’t blocked the copy feature or ask the person to email you their photo’s .. now go to TinEye.com and upload the photo’s.

Tineye is a reverse image search engine and will find the image online even if it has been altered.

This will tell you where the original photo was uploaded, eg a model agency website or someones photo album.

Romancescam also has a photo database of known scammers. Just go to Scam Digger upload the photo(s) and it will compare them to the ones in their database.

2. Check Email Adresses

The Nigerian scammers favourite email and chat provider by far is Yahoo, I would say that over 90% of the scam profiles I reject from my dating site are using yahoo email addresses.

Look out for addresses with 4u, 4luv, 4life, 4love, 4ever at the end .. eg lillian4u@yahoo.com, it’s no guarantee but does ring alarm bells.

3. Track the IP Address

An IP address will give you the location of the web server they are using, if it goes back to Nigeria or Senegal for example then you might want to rethink your budding relationship.

IP addresses can be routed through certain websites so you would see a UK or US ip address but you can track back to the original.

This excellent blog post will take you step by step through tracking the original IP address of an email sender in GMail, Yahoo and Outlook.

Once you find the ip address just go to a free ip locator website and paste it in the search box.

This then lists the country, region and city of the server the sender is using .. clever isn’t it.

4. Search Profile Information

If the person you are chatting to has a well written profile, with a good standard of English grammar then copy and paste a couple of phrases and do a google search.

I’ve just tried it with one of todays scammers profiles on my dating site and the phrases originate on a US blogs about me page.

5. Ask to Chat on Webcam

Be persistent about this. These scammers will send you up to 30 photo’s of ‘themselves’ (they are often all photos of the same model taken from an agency website) but a webcam will show you who you are talking to.

Of course they won’t have a webcam, even if you send them money to buy one they will reel off excuse after excuse as to why it won’t work but that is what you want.

The more they refuse to show themselves the more suspicious you will get and the aim here is to protect you from these people.

We have all heard about the “please cash my money order or cheque for x millions and you get 10%” letters and emails, well that is a 419 scam.

You may not fall for the big pay day scams but are you savvy enough to avoid the more subtle Nigerian scams?

419 scams are now so prevelent on the internet that a cyber sport has been developed around it, called scambaiting, which involves people tracking and communicating with scammers to frustrate their efforts.

Ways in which a Nigerian or 419 scam works on internet dating sites:

1. Registering Their Profile on a Dating Site

The first hurdle for a scammer is getting a profile registered with an online dating site.

Go to any of the big free dating sites and you will soon spot a scammers profile, it will be in bad English, have a username ending in something like 4u or 4luv and be gushing about love, marriage, having children and finding soulmates.

These are the new recruits but the experienced scammers are far more savvy.

Also they don’t only join free sites, as this scam example shows, trusted sites like Match also have their share of scammers and these will be the better ones as they are making enough money to join the paid sites.

2. Hooking a Victim

Their first message to you will usually be very complimentary, stating the many things you have in common (just about everything) and supplying their email or chat address.

They want to get you off the website and chatting privately as quickly as possible.

Love will be declared very quickly and soon talk of visiting you and marriage will begin.

They will spend building your trust until they are sure they think you are mentally planning a future together.

Often they will begin to refer to you as their husband or wife, long before you have ever even met (not that you are going to meet but the promises will keep coming).

3. Request for Money

Then it starts and can come in a million forms. The requests for money may start small but will grow with time. Here are some of the more common requests:

• Money to buy a phone card so they can call you (the exchange rate is worth the trouble).
• Enough to buy a webcam so you can see them while you talk.
• A family member is in hospital/trouble and they need to quickly borrow money. They will seem embarrassed to have to ask and make gushing assurances about paying it back.
• Flight, visa or translation fee money (all backed up with a travel agents letter setting out the costs and reasons for requiring cash not direct payment). This is so they can come to be with you .. of course at the last moment there is always a reason they can’t actually travel.
• A request to cash a living allowance cheque and send the cash by Western Union .. gosh their employers screwed up again and they can’t cash it at a local bank.
• Cash to get a works project off the ground, they have the job but can’t afford to buy/hire/transport the equipment and the profits from the job will be huge .. of course they’ll pay you back with interest.
• They have been working abroad and the company went bust/fired them/employer attacked them/etc and they need to get home to UK/US/Germany or wherever.

4. A Reason for Everthing

If you become at all suspicious they will have a reason for everything and because you want them to be genuine it will be easy to fall for their explanations.

You will also they find that if they ask for 850 pounds or dollars and you say you can only let them have 400 they will suddenly find a reason that 400 is just enough to cover or they will get the rest from someone else .. even though two days ago you were the only person in the world that could help them.

Don’t think for a moment that only the gullible fall for the Nigerian scam, we discussed this in the post about what an online dating scam is and there are many examples on the net of ordinary intelligent people falling for these dating scams.

If you think you may be chatting to a scammer and want some support then head on over to Romance Scams forum. They have a database of known scammers, their current email addresses and photos of innocent people the scammers use from the internet.

In my next post I will tell you how to investigate and find out if you are chatting on an online dating site to a 419 or Nigerian scammer.

A reader has asked whether there are any online dating sites specifically for Latter-day Saints, also known as Mormon, followers.

Shared faith can be such an important aspect of dating and choosing a partner for marriage, so online dating websites now cater for all religions followers and LDS is no exception.

A cautionary word before I list the LDS dating websites I have found ..

online dating is big business, so anyone with a computer can produce a dating website and join an affiliate program. This means an LDS dating site could join a Christian affiliate network and display profiles of people from all Christian churches.

Make sure you check out the website before joining, do they appear to demonstrate LDS values on the website, are the members profiles in line with LDS beliefs or are they just trying to make some money from offering a service to a niche dating market?!

Check out things like any articles they have on the website or their blog if they have one, do they have an about us page setting out their values, look at the links on the bottom of the pages and see what you can find out before signing up.

There is an excellent queston and answer page about LDS dating and morality on the Mormon answers website.

1. LDS Pals has been offering LDS dating since 2001. Not the prettiest site design and I spotted a couple of obvious ‘African spammer’ type profiles but overall it seems like a good place for LDS singles to chat.

They offer chatrooms but do not seem to have a message forum. They have members from all over the world and the site does seem to be quite transparent in the information they offer.

They are very reasonably priced at just $4.95 a month.

Many of the profiles discuss the members level of LDS faith and temple attendence, so it would be worth checkng this site out.

2. LDS Fusion is quite a new LDS dating site but has a great site design and packed full of fun features. They may not have a very large membership but the site is designed specifically for LDS singles.

The site says it is completely free but when you join you have to agree to the terms and conditions which includes “Payment and Fees – The website is free of charge to use. However, there are some features that may be extra such as Speed Dating.”

It may be that you only pay to attend dating events organised through the website but you need to check out what fees there are before joining and their site is a little thin on information pages.

3. LDS Planet is run by Pople Media and is the big boy in LSD dating sites. They offer video, audio, personality tests and of course a huge member base.

They aren’t at the top of my list because after loads of clicking I still couldn’t find out how much their subscription charges are and transparency is personally very important to me.

4. LDS Singles is part of the MingleMatch program and they offer a number of sites for various religious, ethnic and special interest groups.

They charge $14.99 a month and use a feature I do not like, automatic rebilling.

This wouldn’t be my first choce for LDS dating purely because of the rebilling issue.

5. LDS Mingle is effectively the same wesbsite as LDS Singles but with a different design, again a part of the Sparks Network.

They offer a free trial but do not state how much subscription charges are or whether they use recurring billing.

Their lack of transparancy would put me off joining their dating site.

6. LDS Romances

Is a very spammy site, with the home page telling marketeers and bloggers to set up their own LDS dating site.

This put me off immediately, when it comes to something as important as a persons faith I would much prefer to find a dating site run by people of my own faith so i am confident they understand my needs and values or at the very least not advertise the fact that any Ton, Dick or Jane can set up an LDS dating site.

You cannot even access the LDS news page without being a member. They use the marketing “totally free to sign up” .. “free profile” type of enticements but if you look at the FAQs under Gold member privileges you will see that a free member can do virtually nothing other than create a profile but you can reply to online chat so this may give you enough feel for the site to know whether you want to join.

Membership is $29.95 a month at the moment but usually $39.95, so quite expensive compared to others.

They offer LDS greetings cards, forums, blogs, etc but overall the overdone marketing and lack of transparency would put me off.

7. LDS Link Up

This isn’t a dating website but a social networking site where LDS church members can meet and chat online. They have members in 50 countries and while it offers a social network it also has a strong LDS dating aspect. Definately worth checking out.

The image I have used on his post is from christiansunite.com and I do apologise if it is inappropriate for Mormons.

Signals of dating scams are quite easy to ignore if you are earnestly looking for someone to love you.

I say ‘to love you’ and not ‘find someone you can love’ because it is our emotional needs that these people prey on.

Before we look at specific dating scams you need to know the basics …

What is an online dating scammer?

There are two types of predators using online dating sites, players and scammers.

Players are looking for notches on their bedpost and this post will tell you how to spot and online dating player.

While both are playing on your emotional vulnerability, a scammer is a person who contacts you on an online dating site with the intention of making money from you, either for personal gain or for their employer.

Scammers are simply actors who play a role online to entice you to part with your money. They often have scripts and receive a percentage of the ‘profits’ they con out of you.

What is an online dating scam?

Dating scams come in many different forms but all share the same intention, to get you to pay.

The amounts of money involved vary, usually starting off with small requests for money so they can top up their mobile phone to call you (remember that 10 pounds sterling can equal a weeks pay in a poor country) but can lead to thousands of pounds once they have you hooked.

Consumer Direct (the UK Governments consumer protection website) defines a scammer as:

“An online dating scam is when a scammer, male or female, creates a false personal profile and makes contact with you via an online dating agency or even a specialised chat room. The scammer says that they are seeking romance or a soul mate but are really out to steal not only your heart but your cash too.”

This isn’t just the Nigerian ‘send a money order’ scam we are all hopefully familiar with now.

Other forms of scams involve getting you to visit premium rate websites or call premium rate telephone numbers.

There is also the ‘I want to meet you but need flight money, insurance, cash, visa’ or whatever but  of course on the day of travel their second cousin twice removed suddenly has a sick gerbil so they can’t travel. Of course they can’t possibly get a refund but if you send more money they will travel next month.

Over the next few posts we will look at some very specific scams, how to spot a dating scammer, the dating scammers toolbox and how to avoid scammers on online dating sites.

Where do scammers hang out?

Scammers are more often than not found on free dating websites, they are in this game to make money not spend it.

Those that do pay to join dating sites will join the largest international sites, as this offers a greater number of potential victims but no site is totally safe from scammers.

They will also join forums and chat rooms specifically for lonely hearts or dating.

People often mistakenly believe that scammers are male Africans but a quick look at the US Embassy website in Russia has an excellent question and answer section about internet dating scams which tells a very different story.

Victims of dating scams are stupid

If this is your opinion then think again. Surveys of victims of dating scams have shown that most are well educated, hard working singles and dare I say very ‘normal’ people.

One of the reasons these people get away with online dating scams is because their victims all believe they are not the type of person who could fall for a scammer, often believing they can spot a scammer a mile away.

We tend to hear more about women being scammed than men because men are less likely to come forward and admit they were scammed, however both men and women are regularly scammed online.

It is so important for all online daters to be educated and aware of online dating scams, which we will look at more closely in future posts. Remember to follow our 5 golden rules for online dating safety but for now we have answered the question of what is an online dating scam.

When it comes to online dating people are thinking with their emotions, they want to meet someone nice so it’s easy to ignore warning signs and trust too quickly.

It doesn’t matter how well you “think” you know a person from an online dating site, your safety must always be at the forefront of your mind.

Follow these 5 golden rules to online dating safety:

Join a Paid Dating Site

Yes I know, there are all those free sites out there so why should you pay. Very simply because the free sites are where the spammers, scammers and ner-do-wells hang out. Why should they pay when there are millions of potential victims on free sites. Paid sites collect credit card numbers, that is the sort of personal information scammers don’t like to give out. This does not eliminate the risks but it does greatly reduce them.

Personal Information

Flattery can lead people to hand out personal information within minutes of being contacted on a dating site. It’s quite frightening how much you can find out about someone with just a name, email address and phone number.

Guard your personal information well until you are sure you know who you’re talking to, use the sites services to chat for some time before handing out your personal details. If someone gets pushy about your information then ask yourself why.

Get a free email address just for online dating, so you can close it easily if need be. Get a dating mobile phone with a pay as you go card, again this can easily be cancelled. Use a free service like skype to chat online so you can see who you are talking to before you hand out your phone number.

Don’t Be Shy

Ask for personal information and check it! People often worry that the dream man or woman they are chatting to will think you don’t trust them if you insist on some personal information. Any genuine online dater will understand the online dating safety issues and be happy to reassure you with some personal details.

Ensure photos are recent, look for car models in the background, fashions and hairstyles .. are there any 80′s shoulder pads in the photo. Call any phone numbers they give you and call at odd times, not the same time every day, this helps to eliminate married people. Check snippets of information they give you, if they say they live in London and it was a bright sunny day then check the weather forecast for London.

Background Checks

Whether your paid online dating site offers a background check service or you do a background check yourself, remember people tell lies, particularly if they something to hide. No background check is a thorough police search into someones identity so don’t let yourself be fooled into a false sense of security.

All a basic background check does is check whether the information provided is correct and it does not ensure your safety. What if I tell you my name is Emily Parks and I work at Fairfield School as a primary teacher, I drive a red Toyota and have a dog named Spot. Now, what if I just gave you personal details of someone I know .. it will check out fine but that is no guarantee it’s me.

Meeting Up

Whether you are a man or woman you must think about your safety when meeting offline.

Always:

• Meet in a public place
• Tell someone where you are meeting
• Call a friend five minutes after you meet
• Tell your friend their car registration details if they came by car

Never:

• Allow them to collect you from home
• Let them book you a hotel
• Arrange to stay at their house
• Give them your credit card to pay for dinner while you nip to the toilet

romance and relationships