First we have to understand why dating review sites exist.

They are there to make the review site owner money … and there is nothing wrong with that providing the reviews are fair and impartial.

When someone follows the links from the dating site review and becomes a paying member of a dating site, the review site owner is paid either a one off fee or a percentage of the membership fee.

I repeat, there is nothing wrong with this, the dating site review owner has to put in the time and money to get internet browsers to their review site and the service they offer (if genuine) can stop you joining the wrong dating site.

Where I do have a problem is with review sites who do not even invest 30 minutes of their time to write a review, they simply copy and paste whatever the dating site owners send over. This is not a review, it’s purely an advert.

So let’s have a look at some review sites and decide wether they are review sites or advert sites. To be fair I am simply searching google uk for Online Dating Review Sites and choosing the top four sites in the search results.

I hope this shows you what you need to be looking at when visiting a dating review site and helps you to find real review sites rather than a page full of adverts.

No3 on googles list gets my vote, not because it is the best review site but because it appears to be the most honest. If the owners would add some more information into the reviews then they would be miles ahead of the competition.

No 1 Best4sure

As I am based in the UK I went straight to their UK Dating Sites page. At random I chose the review for the iLove dating site.

I copied a phrase from the section headed ‘Our iLove Review’ and googled it (including quote marks around the phrase to ensure an exact match).

The phrase popped up on a couple of blogs dated from 2005. Now if this is THEIR iLove review then why does the same exact phrase come up on other site review pages?!!

Scrolling to the top of the page I see .. *****latest ilove Uk seems to be no more ! .. so why is it still on the review site if ther dating site is no more (answer – search engine optimisation).

Knowing that even the small ‘Our review’ section is actually written by the dating site I have lost all trust in the review site … next.

No2 Online Dating Reviews

This looks a bit more promising. At random I have clicked the review for Dating for Parents and there are two guest reviews, the second is titled “Paid Members Getting False Reports”. This is what reviews should sound like, a mix of positive and negative.

I click the link to read their review and then click again (at the bottom of the short review) to read the full review (am getting dizzy now). The full review includes difficulties the review staff had registering with the dating website but gave an overall good score – sounds fair and honest.

I was really starting to like this site until I clicked all the review links down the page … there are a lot that simply don’t have a review, making them simple adverts rather than reviews.

I get the impression that the site began with great intentions but over time has lost steam (let’s hope they have made a fortune and are on a beach in Barbados, far too relaxed to write reviews). It’s a shame and I hope next time I visit they have found a new lease of life and completed all the reviews.

Still it’s a good review site to begin your search and I couldn’t find any standard phrases across the net.

No3 The UK Online Dating Review

I will declare an interest in this site … albeit a very small one, as they use this blogs RSS feed for their Dating Advice page but as I believe in honest reviews that is what I shall give and hope my RSS feed doesn’t disappear off their site.

It is centred around the UK. Not simply sites for UK only but also worldwide sites with a high UK membership.

The first review on the page is for eHarmony in UK and the site states “No rating yet, as we don’t have enough feedback”. That suggests honesty to me.

All the information is on one page so you don’t have to chase round the site following links. They also include a mixure of dating site types, from traditional dating sites to speed dating.

However, the reviews are simply too short, I would prefer to read more about the reviewers impressions of the site but you can see the honesty in the short reviews provided.

If you are looking for a UK dating site I would certainly check out The UK Online Dating Review and look out for little comments like “watch for fake profiles”, it certainly gives you a hint of how well the dating site is policed (or not).

No4 Dating Jungle

I’m totally confused by this review site.

I clicked the section for extramarital dating and there are two sites listed (illicitencounters with an overall impression of 6 and Lovinglinks with overall impression of 1 (these scores are out of 10).

Now call me old fashioned but a score of 1 out of 10 has to be a pretty poor review surely?! Yet the overall impression wording states “The design of the site is attractive and makes lovinglinks stand out from other dating services.”

Likewise in the dating site reviews, Dating Direct gets a dreadful 1 out of 10 and yet the overall impression simply says “Impressive are the detailed profiles which optimise your matchmaking success as well as the responsiveness and ease of use of the Site.”

Anyone else confused? I can only assume that the good scores are given to paying sites and the badly scored sites are simply added to encourage you to join the paying sites?! One to be avoided I think.

However, after some time ignoring it and hoping it will go away I decided to give it another whirl tonight and guess what … Twitter has been invaded by adult dating sites.

I logged in tonight to check out the twitter feed of a blogger I particularly enjoy reading (it’s about farming so I won’t bore you with a link).

In my list of friends was a Tweet from Mike at KK Smarts (he’s an adwords guru and a thoroughly nice chap) and being supportive I had a peek and I’m pleased I did.

He has made a video about Tweetdeck showing us less technical people how to use this software. His video is from a business angle but very useful even if you’re just interested in puppies, gardening or limbo dancing.

Ever the student I downloaded Tweetdeck and made great use of the video pause button while I followed Mike’s instructions.

Because I run an online dating site for country people in the UK, write this dating blog and a countryside blog too, I like to stay up to date with what is happening in both the dating industry and the countryside.

Following along with the video I discovered that in Tweetdeck I can create columns and search for Tweets by keywords I enter.

No sooner had I created the search column for “online dating” than tweetdeck started pinging away (must remember to ask Mike how to turn that annoying pinging sound off).

The spam immediately started, at a rate of, on average, 10 Tweets per minute from just one dating site.

Of course all the avatars are of half naked models … and we know how many of those hang out on dating sites in the middle of the night … ahem!!

Most of the Tweets read like this “Indian successful guy 32 years looking for exciting women for kissing” or “Missing some adult fun? S*x makes it better.”

It’s interesting to note that all the male avatars play the “nice guy looking for a woman” card but the female avatars all say “come get some” .. psychology is an amazing advertising tool, I’m sure Mike would agree.

The website in question is tacky online dating site .. ok that’s not the real name and perhaps it’s a nice site if you like no strings encounters but boy they can spam with the best of them.

There are two things worrying me about this site.

First, as soon as I pressed the link the home page announced “members near Edinburgh”. I don’t live anywhere near Edinburgh but because my Twitter and Facebook accounts are linked and Facebook doesn’t have a Cumbria region I ended up ticking Edinburgh. So I’m very curious to know what software this website is using in order to know I am in the Facebook Edinburgh region. It’s just feels like an invasion of my privacy (is there such a thing online?).

Secondly it’s the blantant lying most of these dating sites use. After every Tweet it says “free online adult dating” but of course when you check the site out you soon realise you have to pay to even see all the profiles on the site.

Pure spam, they should go in the spam box with the Nigerian spammers and the letters awarding you £6,000,000 if you just send a cheque for £500.

Although I did have a real giggle when I saw the “report sexually explicit adverts ” button at the bottom of their home page and then went to the join now page (research people, research) and was asked if I give oral or do threesomes (and they are just the questions I could mention on this blog) … gosh nothing sexually explicit about that then!

Of course the site must be making money or they couldn’t afford to pay spammers to drop 10 plus links an hour from numerous Twitter accounts.

It’s just a shame that spammers invade every aspect of our online lives and there is some great dating advice articles linked to on Twitter but of course they just get lost in the spam.

A reader has asked whether there are any online dating sites specifically for Latter-day Saints, also known as Mormon, followers.

Shared faith can be such an important aspect of dating and choosing a partner for marriage, so online dating websites now cater for all religions followers and LDS is no exception.

A cautionary word before I list the LDS dating websites I have found ..

online dating is big business, so anyone with a computer can produce a dating website and join an affiliate program. This means an LDS dating site could join a Christian affiliate network and display profiles of people from all Christian churches.

Make sure you check out the website before joining, do they appear to demonstrate LDS values on the website, are the members profiles in line with LDS beliefs or are they just trying to make some money from offering a service to a niche dating market?!

Check out things like any articles they have on the website or their blog if they have one, do they have an about us page setting out their values, look at the links on the bottom of the pages and see what you can find out before signing up.

There is an excellent queston and answer page about LDS dating and morality on the Mormon answers website.

1. LDS Pals has been offering LDS dating since 2001. Not the prettiest site design and I spotted a couple of obvious ‘African spammer’ type profiles but overall it seems like a good place for LDS singles to chat.

They offer chatrooms but do not seem to have a message forum. They have members from all over the world and the site does seem to be quite transparent in the information they offer.

They are very reasonably priced at just $4.95 a month.

Many of the profiles discuss the members level of LDS faith and temple attendence, so it would be worth checkng this site out.

2. LDS Fusion is quite a new LDS dating site but has a great site design and packed full of fun features. They may not have a very large membership but the site is designed specifically for LDS singles.

The site says it is completely free but when you join you have to agree to the terms and conditions which includes “Payment and Fees – The website is free of charge to use. However, there are some features that may be extra such as Speed Dating.”

It may be that you only pay to attend dating events organised through the website but you need to check out what fees there are before joining and their site is a little thin on information pages.

3. LDS Planet is run by Pople Media and is the big boy in LSD dating sites. They offer video, audio, personality tests and of course a huge member base.

They aren’t at the top of my list because after loads of clicking I still couldn’t find out how much their subscription charges are and transparency is personally very important to me.

4. LDS Singles is part of the MingleMatch program and they offer a number of sites for various religious, ethnic and special interest groups.

They charge $14.99 a month and use a feature I do not like, automatic rebilling.

This wouldn’t be my first choce for LDS dating purely because of the rebilling issue.

5. LDS Mingle is effectively the same wesbsite as LDS Singles but with a different design, again a part of the Sparks Network.

They offer a free trial but do not state how much subscription charges are or whether they use recurring billing.

Their lack of transparancy would put me off joining their dating site.

6. LDS Romances

Is a very spammy site, with the home page telling marketeers and bloggers to set up their own LDS dating site.

This put me off immediately, when it comes to something as important as a persons faith I would much prefer to find a dating site run by people of my own faith so i am confident they understand my needs and values or at the very least not advertise the fact that any Ton, Dick or Jane can set up an LDS dating site.

You cannot even access the LDS news page without being a member. They use the marketing “totally free to sign up” .. “free profile” type of enticements but if you look at the FAQs under Gold member privileges you will see that a free member can do virtually nothing other than create a profile but you can reply to online chat so this may give you enough feel for the site to know whether you want to join.

Membership is $29.95 a month at the moment but usually $39.95, so quite expensive compared to others.

They offer LDS greetings cards, forums, blogs, etc but overall the overdone marketing and lack of transparency would put me off.

7. LDS Link Up

This isn’t a dating website but a social networking site where LDS church members can meet and chat online. They have members in 50 countries and while it offers a social network it also has a strong LDS dating aspect. Definately worth checking out.

The image I have used on his post is from christiansunite.com and I do apologise if it is inappropriate for Mormons.

A recurring theme on this blog is finding the right niche dating site for you. The big sites are fine if you are looking for casual dating but if you are looking for that special someone then a niche site is the place to start.

I was doing some research for a friend today, looking at niche dating sites and was quite surprised at just how far the large sites are stretching their imaginations these days.

One search term was I researched was Gothic dating. I think we can all agree that this is a highly specialised niche market, you can’t even sneak a “well I quite like wearing black” in there.

Yet a search on google returned the following results:

No 1. Gothic Souls which is one of the ugliest dating site scripts I have seen but is at least run entirely for Goths. When you look at who runs the site you can see that they run four dating sites (Gothic, vegetarian, over 50′s and snog london) so doubt they have any interest in the Gothic scene but at least they have kept the site for a niche market.

No 2. We have flirtbox .. I had to do a double take in case I had read the URL incorrectly. Yes it’s flirtbox and we know how well they specialise in the niche market of Gothic dating … NOT. Just for fun press the link and see what happens. Basically anyone that has listed Gothic rock music on their profile is advertised as a potential Goth dating partner. Of course if the same person also listed classical music they would be advertised on that page as well. The search term was also for UK dating sites and yet at the bottom of the page you can see fourteen different countries displayed.

No 3. Is Gothing Dating hurrah, a site that is actually designed for Goths. This appears to be run by Claire and Jools, I like the personal touch but the latest news says happy new year. I hope they spend some time marketing the site and updating more frequently to keep members online, as they could easily do well in the UK Goth market simply because of their interest in the Gothic scene.

No 4. Site number 4 is a rugby coaching website … perhaps google was trying to keep me guessing?!

No 5. Is Loopylove … such a Gothic sounding name. Of course if you google military dating, salsa dating, vegetarian dating or wears frilly knickers dating then Loopy love and the like will also be listed.

No 6. We have UK Goths dating and bravo it is for Goths and is a nicely designed site. It is produced by afdotgothicmatch.com (number 7 on the page) and their homepage includes this piece of information “We provide website design, dating software, hosting, membership database,“, so UK Goths dating is basically an affiliate site to drive members to Gothic match but it is for Goths and you would meet other Goths there, albeit on a site you didn’t know you were signing up for.

I think that demonstrates the point well enough. The dating industry can be a huge earner for the big sites and they are so determined not to lose market share that they will be so blatant in their attempts to get you to sign up for what is clear to anyone not what they are advertising.

The day Flirtbox or Loopylove become niche Gothic dating sites I shall join the Gothic scene in salute, until then I shall continue to shake my head and tut at their tactics.

You then find small sites like Gothing Dating that appear to be set up and run by people with an interest in the gothic scene, for people in the gothic scene but they are drowned out by the big sites doing the online muscle job.

This is why I always suggest you research carefully before picking a dating site to join. If you are a Goth then support Goths who are trying to help other Goths meet and find a small site run by them. They understand your lifestyle, share your interests and you are not just a fast buck to them.

Whether you are looking for vegetarian dating, biker dating, rural dating or whatever, choose wisely and don’t be fooled by the big mainstram dating sites that are now using these tactics because they are losing out to niche sites.

People join dating sites for many reasons, perhaps they have an active social life but are seeking that someone special and are prepared to cast their net a little wider than their local area. Others are lonely, perhaps they have to stay at home to look after children or simply don’t have an active social life. Some will join dating sites because they will meet more people than they would in the local pub.

Whatever the reason for joining a dating site, if you are serious about finding someone special or widening your social circle then get into the forum and chat as a group.

I always recommend that people in the UK, serious about finding a relationship, join niche dating sites specifically for UK members. Niche sites cater to members interests, for example some sites are for country dating, others for dance dating or christian dating, whatever your passion you will find a niche dating site to suit your interests.

Once you have joined a dating site I really recommend you get into the forum and chat as a group. Like any social event, when you meet new people face to face, general conversation and opinions give away a lot about you. People can read your comments and will have a much better idea of whether you would be suited, if you come across as like-minded.

Private messages sent from one member to another tend to ask the usual questions about interests and lifestyle but give away little about your personality and passions. For someone new to online dating private messages can also be a little daunting, what on earth do you say in a first message. Introducing yourself in the forum takes away this awkwardness and you can join in with ongoing discussions.

A forum is the ideal place for others to see what you are really about and someone that is not interested in your profile may see a whole different side to you in the forum.

By joining a niche site you already something in common with other members, that gives everyone something to discuss in the forum. If you join a big site people may not be interested in dance, religion or the countryside so discussions may be very generic and of little interest to you.

Another reason to use the dating site forum is trust, this is particularly important for men. Online dating has such a bad reputation due to the number of scammers and players that join the big worldwide sites and women are very wary these days about who they chat to. By talking in the forum it shows you are who you say you are and not out hunting fresh prey but are talking to people as friends, it shows a lack of desperation too.

Whichever site you choose to join it is a good idea to get active on the site, join in and be sociable rather than just scrolling through profiles looking for people to date. While you wait for that special someone to show up it can be fun making friends on the site, your evenings will be active and by getting invloved with the site you will come across as open and trustworthy.

Here are some tips if you are not sure how to choose a good online dating service. Before joining any site make sure they have an active dating site forum, then join in and become one of the crowd.

Then they go off to the car showroom and say “wow I’ll have the shiny red one with the cool headlights”.

Then your new car is delivered and you realise it’s too big to fit in the garage, your four kids can’t fit in a two seater sports car and the warranty is written in Mongolian.

The same thing happens when people choose an online dating website to join. Dating sites are designed to make you click without thinking, let’s be honest you just want to start meeting new and exciting people now and not read the small print, which is what most sites rely on.

You will see buttons all over the site with huge bold text telling you to “start searching now” but you never see one that say “recurring charges will apply, sign up now” or “this is an affiliate site, click here and you will go to a different website but I will get some cash to help buy my new shiny red car with the cool headlights”.

If you are just after some online fun then go ahead, click without thinking and get chatting now. Free sites would be a good option for you as they tend to have quantity of members.

The trouble with clicking straight away is you have no idea what you are signing up to, it won’t be until you try to cancel your membership that you find out you have to call a number in the US between 6am and 7am on the third Tuesday of the month or that your profile is now their property and you can’t delete it, so after you are married with four kids and a sports car your profile is still in cyberspace … I suppose it will give your kids something to laugh about.

However, if you are serious about finding a long term relationship then follow this guide for choosing the right website for you:

1. Check the site to see how many members are in your area but DO NOT start reading profiles just yet. At this stage you are choosing a service, not a person and reading profiles (if there are nice ones on the site) will get you joining up without knowing what you are signing up to.

2. Scroll down to the bottom of the selected site’s pages and look for the small links to all the boring blurb. You are looking for a site that is transparent, the links will include such things as pricing (is it recurring charges), faq’s (look for how to cancel and if it deletes your profile) and contact us (does it give real contact details or just an email address?).

3. Does the site offer online dating help and advice, either through a site page or a blog like this one. They don’t have to be mad bloggers like me but if a site offers no advice or bad quality advice (ie would fit on the back of a stamp) then it’s a sure sign they are not going to offer good customer services. Scammers are rife on some internet dating sites so the least they should offer you is information on how to spot them.

4. Open a new tab or window in your browser and search for the website name, add search terms like problem, sucks or bad (eg baddatingsite+problems). Any dating service will have a few unsatisfied members that will complain about their site but what is important is what they are complaining about, see how many there are with the same complaint .. too many is a bad sign. A tip, don’t look on the first couple of pages of the search results, that will be full of their own content, go back a couple of pages and you may see forum posts where people are complaining.

5. Look up “whois-search”, just pop their web address in there and look for the registration date of the website, my sites whois search is here so you know what you are looking for. If they boast a million members and the site was only registered three weeks ago then you know they are either fibbing and are a new affiliate site or have a site full of fake profiles. Of course they could buy an old domain name but it is worth looking.

6. Search for reviews of the site but remember most reviews are written by the site owner or staff. One way to tell if a review is written themselves is that it will be stuffed with keywords and rarely reads naturally (eg This site for countryside dating is a great online dating site for farmer dating – that is written for search engines and not people). To demonstrate, this is a review of Country Couples (my site) and you can see I have written the original review and asked a couple of members of my site to add their comments. Look to see how many people have added to the review, usually none but if it’s a good site and they have happy members you will find reviews their members have added.

7. Now look at the site to see what sort of free trial you get. Register for free just means you can add a profile but can you look around the whole site, can you send 1 or 2 messages or flirts before you pay the subscription charge. My sites pricing page says “Free Membership – this gives access to the site plus 5 flirts and 3 emails, enough to enable you to decide whether you wish to join as a full member.” Only choose sites that let you try before you buy.

8. So you have found a site with good reviews or comments, their policies are transparent and they offer a free trial. NOW you can sign up and start reading profiles. How many of the members near you are like-minded? It’s no good joining a site with thousands of members if the site is called “dating for smokers” and you can’t stand the smell of smoke.

9. The first message you send should not be to someone you fancy the look of but to admin. Ask anything, like how do I know when someone has sent me a message. All you are sending the message for is to find out if admin reply, did they answer your actual question and how long did it take to answer. If admin are not responsive then don’t pay to join, if the customer service is bad on day one then imagine what it will be like when you have a real problem.

The examples I have used are all for my own dating site, which is specifically designed for daters in the UK with a love of the countryside and are not there to entice you to join … unless you are from the UK and love the rural life … but i hope they will help you to see what you should be looking for when choosing an online dating service.

If you want to find out about the underhand tactics used by most of the big online dating sites then don’t search the web for reviews or blogs about them … go to their main competitors blog where they are happy to spill the beans about the other guys current underhand tactics and game plan.

The latest episode in this online dating soap opera is on The Paradigm Shift a blog written by Markus Frind, CEO of Plenty of Fish.

Of course I don’t want my websites members to all rush off and join PoF but I have respect for Markus because there is a degree of honesty and transparancy in what he has created (tinged with a little jealousy that I didn’t have his brilliant idea first and then sell when it was at it’s peak).

His post makes for quite intersting reading, not so much for the impending war between PoF and Match.com’s new free site but for the snippets of industry insider tactics found in the post, the comments and reading between the lines.

Markus is announcing the new free website for singles in the USA & Canada, called downtoearth by the owners of Match and of course he offers his opinion.

An example, Markus says:  “I wonder if Match.com will now pay me $7.50 like everyone else for writing about downtoearth”.

What he is referring to here is the fee Match are paying bloggers to mention the new site and provide a link from their blog post, rather than just placing an advert in the sidebar that nobody clicks anyway.

With an industry leader like Match all they need to do is issue a press release (or better yet a rumour) and suddenly the web is awash with their name and links to their new site.

Nothing wrong with that, it is clever marketing but even in the dog eat dog world of online dating sites when you have a name like Match doesn’t paying people to blog about your new site seem just a tad sleazy?! Surely if you believe in your new site and have the clout of Match then good reviews would simply follow naturally.

Match would have us believe they are re-inventing the wheel with this new site.

On the home page of this new site it says “No Married People Allowed” … gosh that will keep them out then! (where’s my rolls eyes smiley when I need it?!).

It goes on to say: “RealRatings are all about proving a person is who they say they are, not how attractive some fake pictures are.” Ahem, so I join up with 10 different email addresses and get my alter ego’s to “rate” that I am who I say I am … no honestly I AM Sandra Bullock.

Again from their home page: ” If you hit a spot filled with frauds and cheaters, that’s exactly what you are likely to find.” Perhaps they missed the point … the free sites are more often than not where the frauds and cheaters hang out!!

Their home page is awash with comments to make you trust that site and yet I didn’t read anything on the site that tells you almost every review or comment you will read on the web about the site is actually paid for by them. Trust only seems to need to work one way.

Scroll down the page to the partners link and take a look who their partners are … not a free dating website in sight. Aren’t you just a little curious what’s in it for the partners?

At times watching the big fish in the online dating world is akin to watching a casino card dealer. Members from free sites are shuffled around to the paid ones and sites affiliate and sell your profile, partnerships are created to share out the booty and on and on it goes. I’m surprised online daters aren’t too dizzy to actually get on with speaking to each other.

You have to hand it to Match, they have a brilliant marketing team. Their adverts are memorable and funny, their marketing guys and gals keep coming up with new ways to beat the system and they are market leaders when it comes to getting cash out of their members.

At this point I must confess I am no great fan of Match.com, a number of years ago I fell foul of their ‘oops you stopped paying us because nobody was contacting you but suddenly these men in your area are desperate to chat with you’ tactic and being gullible I got the credit card out again (more than once I am ashamed to admit).

Of course once I paid to rejoin the nearest man to me was still 300 miles away and  the ones desperate to chat to me just happened to delete their profiles that day!!

Perhaps this is why these people are millionaires and I am never going to be, I just don’t have that ruthless streak that lets me play these marketing games with something as precious as peoples love lives. I am old fashioned, I believe in saying this is what you pay, this is what you get, there are no guarantees but we will help you any way we can.

My opinion, through experience, has always been that anyone serious about online dating should use a niche dating site in their own country (look for ones with no adverts, no affiliates and no partners, just an honest little site with like-minded people) but if you are just after a bit of online dating fun then join a big free dating site.

Industry statitics show that a vast majority of people that meet a long term partner online meet someone with shared interests within quite a small radius of their home town. It might be fun to chat to people on the other side of the world but very few people meet up or end up in long term relationships.

We also know that when people first start internet dating they go to the free sites and have a bit of fun but once they get serious about their search they usually migrate to niche paid sites, in an attempt to avoid the frauds and cheaters.

Most inexperienced online daters will begin with free online dating sites but it won’t take long before they begin to see the drawbacks and either give up with online dating or turn to paid dating sites.

If you are considering online dating then read my free or paid online dating article to help you decide what’s best for you.

Here are the top 5 reasons I believe you should think twice before using free online dating sites, particulalry if you are looking for a real relationship:

1. Conmen and Scam Artists

We’ve all read about those stupid people that get conned out of thousands by African conmen posing as the love of their life …. but are they stupid? Love or the prospect of love can do strange things to you, people that are ordinarily very sensible have been conned by these people time and time again. Free sites are where they are most active because they don’t have to worry about providing personal information or payment and the site isn’t interested in who signs up for membership.

2. Online Players

Do you know how to spot an online dating player? These are not people that aspire to be serial daters adding the notches to their bedposts, they are hunters that look for vulnerable prey on dating websites. They join many dating sites to widen their chances of finding people to play their game with. Free sites are perfect for them because they are full of inexperienced online daters, often newly out of a relationship and vulnerable to their form of “romancing”. In order to maintain their clean ‘reputation’ they stick to large free sites where word will not get passed around so easily.

3. In Life You Get What You Pay For

Free dating sites want advertising revenue, they want clicks. Every time you click an advert on their site they get paid, the more members they have the more people click adverts and the more companies are willing to pay to advertise on their website. Just try telling the owners that someone has been sending you offensive emails and see how long it takes them to respond to you, let alone take any action against the offender. As far as services and support go, if you pay nothing then guess what you get in return?

4. Seriously Looking?

Free sites are great if you are young and just looking for some fun, they are full of people that just want to chat (including lots of married people looking to spice up their life with some internet time) or date casually. People that are seriously looking for a relationship take their time to choose sites and will usually opt for paid sites, not just join free sites to keep their options as open as possible.

5. What Does Free Mean?

It must be 100% free, it is plastered all over the front page of the website, they have those red sale type stickers with Free to join all over the place. How many people actually read the smallprint … go on admit you don’t do you! That is what they count on, you google free dating and most of the sites you will find will be free to join, so you click to the site and see pictures of people you would love to meet and before you know it you have signed up. You start getting messages but as soon as you press the reply button you get that “you must be a premium/paid/full member to reply” message. There are some genuinely free sites out there but for those see 1-3 above.

So you are ready to date again and want to get out and meet as many people as possible to widen your options. Stop and think, do you really want to spend 6 months chatting to someone at the other side of the world with no hope of ever practically meeting?

I would suggest spending time finding a niche dating site that caters for your interests and whose service is only provided to your country. Why? Because if it’s only for your country the site will take steps to keep out the scammers and conmen from other continents.

Finding a niche site (eg countryside, horse riding, golfing, dancing, music, etc) means you will meet like minded people who share your interests.

All good paid dating sites offer either a free trial period or “free to look” membership, that way you can see how many people are in your area and if their profiles interest you before you pay for membership.

What was that tv programme called where items went past on a conveyor belt and contestants had a few seconds to remember them? They then won any items they recalled, with the audience shouting out ‘set of pans, record player and cuddly toy’. I don’t remember the name of the show but I do remember it was quite difficult to remember all the items.

If you are old enough to remember the show then you have an idea of what speed dating is all about. It is basically a conveyor belt of people that you interview as potential dates and then you write on cards who you would like to hear from. If they also write your name as a potential date then your contact details are exchanged.

So here you are, you have decided to give it a go, you are sat in a chair at a restaurant type table and get to ask a set number of questions to people as they hop from table to table. Just check out the photo on Swift Dater, is it only me who thinks that looks more like lunch at a business conference than somewhere to meet the potential love of your life?

Just check out some of the names for these companies and you will immediately see what it’s all about … with names like swift dater or fast impressions … anyone else reminded of the Blind Date tv show with Cilla Black?

There is no reason for it not to work, let’s be honest it only takes a moment in a supermarket queue or to see the hunky new delivery guy in your office to feel chemistry and start daydreaming about a date with them.

However in my mind I think chance encounters are far more exiting than a queue of people there for an interview.

Clearly I am not a fan of speed dating and any dating advice I gave would not include speed dating but I do admit I have never tried it. If you have tried it and either loved or loathed it please leave a comment and let us know about your experiences.

The simple answer is “Yes, it does work if you are realistic”, well that was a short post, so I am of to the gym (as if).

However, many people approach online dating with unrealistic expectations and therefore fail to find anyone to have a relationship with. Advertising for online dating sites adds to the unrealistic mental images of online dating.

Think about Match.com and their ‘meet someone in 6 months or you get 6 months free’ guarantee …. wow their site must have a thousand Mr Right’s just for me, woopee!!

The trouble is there is nothing in their terms of use to explain what “meet someone” actually means and the average person will assume it means meet someone you are compatible with and can date long term but the cynic in me doubts that is their meaning.

This kind of advertising leads us into a false sense of reality and anyone joining an online dating site for the first time will be rather disappointed when Mr/Miss Right fails to appear in the first 2 dates.

Online dating takes time and effort, you have to learn how to read between the lines of dating profiles, recognise red flags and usually have a few unsuccessful dates before anyone right for you appears.

Just because someone seems perfect for you online or on the telephone doesn’t mean there will be any chemistry between you.

Take time and keep your expectations low, have fun and make some new friends online but don’t expect that someone special to just fall out of the cyber sky in the first week.

One of my most repeated tips for online dating is to find a site with like-minded people, that way you already share some interests with the other members. If you live in Germany and love skydiving then look for a site based in Germany that specialises in extreme sport enthusiasts. If you live in UK and love the countryside then join a rural online dating site.

Online dating is not rocket science, just choose the right site, chat to lots of people and don’t expect too much too soon.