Unbelievable! He’s asking you to be the side of mashed potatoes to his wife’s meatloaf.  But for the fact that you are dining in a 5 star restaurant, you would indeed strangle him with your fine cloth dinner napkin.  Just when you thought you had a great catch on the line, he turns out to be a big fat fish of disappointment.  Because lying and infidelity come easy to him, he can’t understand why you’re so offended by this obviously juicy opportunity that any woman would just wait in line to snatch up.  He also casually mentions that he realizes why you might be disheartened by the fact that he is married and off the market, but believes that love can sometimes be betrayals best friend.  This blind catch of the day must most certainly be “Out to Lunch indeed!”

If your dream date has gone from bad to worse before dessert is even served, take heart and know that you’re not alone.  You begin to wonder if all men are callous cold hearted selfish snakes.  It is not surprising to learn that half of all blind dates and internet dating experiences fizzle out before they pass go or at least are as uncomfortable as hell.  It’s generally either a front row seat to hours of boredom or a one way ticket to “all about me island” where you have to listen to an epic dissertation about how his animal magnetism draws chicks to him like bees to honey.

The benefits of double dating at least provide you a way of getting out of dodge or arranging a fake cell phone call to your table.   Show me a blind date that goes well and I’ll show you a professional colorblind florist. They just don’t exist.  At the end of the night you’re left with dashed hopes and filthy propositions.

Tiersa Buckley writes for the dating blogs on DatingOnline.net and DatingSite.org where daily dating tips and advice are provided. Her stories present a humorous twist on today’s dating dilemmas!

Perhaps you are perfectly happy being single but if you are reading this post then it might be a hint to yourself that you are ready to date again.

If you have reached the ‘I’ll never meet anyone’ stage or you seem un-dateable, you have to figure out why before you should start looking for a date.

There are various elements that involve how to successfully get a date. Let’s explore a few of these options in more detail below.

Would You Want to Go Out With Yourself?

Take a good deep look at yourself. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Are you ready to date again? You may have gone through a divorce or a really harsh break up, so you may not be ready to move on emotionally and invest that many feelings into one person again. Are you afraid of relationships or love? Physically, you may have given up on your appearances because you feel like you are un-dateable. If you are looking to get over your ex, doing physical activity will not just make you feel better about yourself but it will also help you to meet new people. By meeting new friends you will start letting go of your emotional problems and stress, this will start gearing your attention towards dating and finding someone new in your life.

Do You Want Someone to Approach You?

After you decide you are ready to date again and begin feeling confident people will begin to notice, because self confidence is always an attractive quality.  When people begin to notice you and pay you attention how are you responding? Does your body language say “Hey, come on over” or is it saying “Not interested in the slightest”? When someone shows a slight interest in you, your body language must be able to respond. Without a flash of a smile or a playful nod of the head, people will be afraid to approach you. The best way to overcome this is by testing out the waters. Start smiling, laughing and inviting people into your life, even if it’s just as new friends. This will help you to practice in order to snag yourself a date.

Remember Who You Are Talking to

Men and women communicate differently. If you are talking to a man, do not pretend he is your best girl friend. You may talk his ear off so much that he forgets to even ask you out. If you are talking to a woman, you have to remember that she likes it if you take an interest in her. If you seem uninterested in what she has to say, there is little reason for her to take this conversation to the next level. Communication is key, so remember who you are talking to and how you should speak to them in order to get a first or second date.

Do You Want to Date?

Your will to date will answer whether or not you want to date. You may say you want to but in reality you are not even putting yourself out there to date. You must make yourself available in order for people to realize that you are on the market. Start going out with friends, take up a new course or start a new physical activity to start getting yourself out there. Online dating will help you tremendously to get a date when you do not have the time to start joining new activities but don’t get stuck in the rut of hiding behind your keyborad, online dating is only a spring board to a real date and is not in itself a relationship.

When you are flirting with someone that you would like to go out with, remember to be yourself and be honest. Within a few minutes you will realize that your Friday night movie at your house just became a dinner date for two!

Allison Schleck is a featured writer for the Senior Dating site. Allison is a well-accomplished bilingual writer for magazines, websites and newspapers who teaches Karate Do on her down time.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Nobody’s perfect”, but do we really take it to heart?

When it comes to love, it seems that the answer is generally “no”. More than ever before, today’s singles (and marrieds, but that’s a different post…) have options.

Many of us truly believe that we will find the perfect partner, a soulmate who will fulfill our every need through every stage of our lives.

Staying with someone who doesn’t completely fit the bill is labeled as “settling”.

An impossible standard.

When you see it written on a page or hear it said out lout, it’s easy to see how ridiculous this trend is.

Clearly, nobody exists or should exist to meet all of your emotional needs. People change their worldview as they age. Sometimes your life partner will be out of step with you during these changes. Is it a bad thing to “settle” for someone who doesn’t completely share your viewpoints?

The answer:

The reasonable answer is to realize that sometimes a partner can only be asked to support your goals, dreams, and the changes in worldview you undergo. As long as your goals don’t break your marriage vows or personal promises to each other, and you aren’t dragging the relationship through one financial crisis after another, support isn’t an unreasonable request.

Are you in a place where you’re willing/able to support someone else?

When you enter into a committed relationship of any sort with another person, you should also ask yourself whether you can reasonably support that person as they change and mature. This isn’t a one-way street. Sometimes your partner will need more support from you than you’re getting from them. That’s an expected part of any long term relationship, and you shouldn’t consider committing to one if you’re not willing to make that type of sacrifice.

In the long run, settling isn’t always such a bad idea. If you don’t settle on some issues you’re likely to jump from relationship to relationship, never finding anyone who is worthy of your commitment. Assuming that a long-term relationship is something you want, settling for someone who truly cares about you and who tries to support you can be the key to happiness.

Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at onlinedegrees.org and performs research surrounding online schools. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.

This is a question I was asked recently and finding just one gem of dating advice which covers every couple, whether newly dating or in a long term relationship, wasn’t easy.

I dismissed the dating advice on how to meet someone and fall in love, this often happens naturally, even when we don’t expect it, as doesn’t cover people already in long term relationships.

Much of the relationship advice I would give is for married couples or people in long term relationships, so this doesn’t cover those in the early dating stage.

Hmmmm, one dating tip to cover everyone in a relationship .. ok here it is ….

Never go to bed angry, always make up before you go to sleep.

Whether you live together or apart, always make up after a fight before you both go to sleep.

This isn’t a relationship tip about romance or sentiment, it’s about science.

Sleep experts tell us that while we sleep we file away the days events. Our brains don’t sleep when our bodies do, they process the days events and stabalise our memories.

Stabalising our memories makes them stronger, it’s how we remember things. Think of it like a filing cabinet, as we sleep we file away our memories for future reference.

This means if the girl at the supermarket checkout smiled and was nice to us we will file it away a pleasant experience. Two weeks later you may not consciously think about the pleasant experience in the supermarket but you will find yourself returning to the same supermarket and same checkout girl. Your sub-conscious remembers her as a pleasant experience.

In relationships we all argue sometimes, we say harsh words we really don’t mean and we usually respond in kind.

Think of a time you have gone to sleep angry. Remember as you begin to wake up the next morning feeling great but as you become fully awake you begin to remember the fight yesterday, the hurt feelings and the anger toward your partner?

If the last thing we think about before we sleep is our hurt feelings, a battered self image or feeling unloved then as we sleep those experiences will be filed away and solidified.

On the other hand, if we make the effort to make up (well we know we will eventually so why not do it now) then the last memory we file away about our partners will be pleasant, comforting and loving ones. When we wake up our memories of our partner will be happy and loving.

This doesn’t mean keeping our partner awake until 4am, when they have to get up at 7 for work, analysing every detail of your relationship. Just suck it up, say sorry and make up. Whether you roll over, say sorry and hug your partner or give them a quick call before you sleep, it’s so important not to sleep upset.

There are certain rules for a healthy relationship and also rules for arguing in a relationship which we should all try to put into practice.

Amid the forest of relationship tips and dating advice I really feel this is the one I would like all couples to take on board because it works on a subconscious level and we have no real concept of the damage we can do to our relationships if we go to sleep hurt or angry.

This is my best relationship tip, what’s yours?

I am often asked how to deal with rudeness on online dating sites and after the first date.

There are three distinct catagories of dating rudeness I can think of and while they vary in degree they are all unnecessary and are definate dating don’ts.

For reasons known only to themselves some people think that because you are virtually anonymous on an online dating site it gives you the freedom to be rude to people.

Politeness costs nothing, only a moment of your time and in some cases makes you the bigger/better person.

If you have experienced any other forms of rudeness with online dating please leave a comment and let us know about your experiences.

Rude Messages

I have experienced this first hand when I was dating online, receiving messages asking if I was really that fat/tall/boring/sarcastic or whatever.

There are also the messages that tell you what’s wrong with you .. yes people actually browse online dating profiles and send messages to say what they don’t like about you!

People … get a life. There are millions of people online you will not be attracted to, so just click the next button and move on.

What this says about you is you can’t get a date for love nor money so you need to ‘act out’ your frustrations by trying to make others feel as low about themselves as you do.

If you receive any messages like this, delete them .. this is your dating don’t .. don’t respond. Do not give a second thought or wonder why a total stranger would think these things about you .. it’s their problem not yours.

This is basically an extention of the comments you see on blogs, I don’t mean ones that constructively disagree with your post but the ones that just say this is sh*t or describe what they want to do with their private parts.

This is not unique to the internet, you hear it on radio talk shows and read it in letters to editors. Some people clearly have mental frustrations which they release in any anonymous fashion they can.

If you don’t like something then move on, nobody can write something everyone will love and agree with and nobody can be attractive to everyone of the opposite gender.

Perhaps our society has fostered this rudeness by it’s ever widening freedom of speech? I know my mother taught me that if I can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.

If you get these messages and feel the need to react in any way then use the dating sites forum and start a thread called Get a Life .. post their messages on the thread and shame them into stopping because I bet they aren’t just doing it to you.

Ignoring Polite Approaches

This is when you take the time to browse profiles and find the  courage to send that first polite introductory message.

You then wait … and wait … and wait.

It’s like life before the internet (if, like me, you can remember that far back) when someone you were dating said they will call but when they don’t you go to check the dial tone on the telephone in case it’s broken.

It really would have been kinder just to call and say thanks but I’m not interested in dating you again.

Most online dating services will allow you to save message templates. It only takes a moment to respond with a saved message saying “thanks for your message, I’ve checked out your profile but don’t feel we have enough in common but I wish you luck in your search”.

This politely but firmly lets the sender know you are not interested but doesn’t leave them in limbo wondering if you have read their message and will reply.

Remember the saying .. treat people as you would like them to treat you.

After the First Date

So you’ve chatted for a while and decide to meet for a first date. After lunch you say your goodbye’s and tell them you will speak soon, knowing you have no intention of seeing them again.

They send a quick text or message later that day to thank you for the date and they hope to hear from you soon.

You delete it and forget you ever heard their name. Unless they were offensive on your date, that is simply rudeness.

Ok so you thought they were boring, weird, too flirtatious or you simply didn’t find them attractive but remember that you were interested enough to arrange to meet them, so they can’t be all bad.

They are a person with feelings and an ego, just like you. Ask yourself, wouldn’t you prefer to be told thanks but no thanks instead of being ignored?

Conclusion

If you find it necessary to write rude or offensive messages to strangers then you have serious confidence problems and need professional help to deal with your internal issues.

Ignoring people that make a polite effort to communicate with you is arrogance. They may be trying to date out of their league or you may just get too many approaches to be bothered dealing with them all (lucky you) but how much effort does it really take to click a button and let someone know you aren’t interested?!

It may be that you feel uncomfortable saying thanks but no thanks, particularly if you have been communicating for some time but most people feel much better about a rejection than being totally blanked.

This is not someone you plan to meet again so there is no need for embarrassment, just send a short decisive message and let them know they won’t be hearing from you again .. let them move on quickly.

It really is time we get back to be polite people and stop all this rudeness in online dating.

Unlike the question should I admit to having an affair the question of whether you should admit to having had a one night stand is rather less complicated.

A one night stand is an opportunist act with someone you have no intention of seeing again. Whereas an affair is a sustained relationship with a partner outside your marriage or relationship.

If you happen to bump into that person a month later and repeat the experience you are now in the realms of an affair, saying I didn’t intend to bump into them doesn’t count .. learn to say nop to your more base desires.

Firstly you must consider what led you to have a one night stand in the first place. Are you with the right partner or do your relationships all end the same way?

We all know why it’s not ok to cheat but there are times we do idiotic things and then deeply regret them. Whether away on a lonely business trip, an alcohol fuelled night out or a moment of out of control lust, some people have a weak moment and do something they wouldn’t usually dream of doing.

Most of us know the difference between love and lust and are aware that a one night stand is about lust, while our long term relationship is about love.  However sometimes in a moment of madness one is forgotten and the other becomes imperative.

The chances of being caught or someone telling your partner are far less with a one night stand than with an affair but that is no excuse for doing it.

Is it worth hurting your partner deeply, breaking the trust in your relationship, perhaps losing your children or home, because you feel the need to be honest about it to relieve your own guilt?

Have you ever heard the saying “what they don’t know can’t hurt them”? Well in this case it’s generally true.

That is not permission to go off and have a string of one night stands behind your husband or wife’s back.

Yes you will have to carry the guilt of your one night stand to your grave but that is the price you have to pay for the decision you made when you you opted for a one night stand.

‘Forget about it and move on’ is easier said than done when guilt is keeping you awake at night but consider the alternative.
While you lie there listening to your partner happily sleeping, none the wiser, think about how they would feel if they knew. Does that knowledge change anything for the better? Will it help them to feel secure and loved?

You now feel deeply ashamed and guilty .. and so you should. However, shame and guilt are emotions, so use those emotions in a positive way and channel them toward your partner.

Every time you feel ashamed or guilty look at your partner and mentally list ten reasons why you will never do anything again to hurt them.

It doesn’t have to be February 14th to show someone you care about them, try one or more of these inexpensive valenties day gestures to show your partner you love them.

Keeping this secret and taking it to the grave with you is not about you, it is not about stopping you from getting into trouble. It is about your partner, you cheated on them and they will bear the brunt of the pain your confession will cause.

If you must confess then confide in a friend or tell a priest but allow your partner to remain unhurt and unaffected by your actions.

Take a long hard look at your partner, are they content with their life at the moment, are they oblivious to your guilt and shame. Now consider how they would look if you tell them, how long would they take to recover, if they ever do and ask yourself again .. should I admit I had a one night stand?

Before you even think of searching profiles or clicking that send flirt button try to decide what it is you are looking for. I don’t mean the exact person, as that will be far too limiting.

Simply decide if you are only ready for casual dating or for a more long term relationship.

A tip for successful online dating is to never decide you have joined an online dating site to find your soul mate, for three reasons:

• You will come across as desperate and that is never an attractive quality.
• Disappointment will quickly arrive when your perfect match doesn’t turn up in the first two weeks.
• The more open minded you are about meeting lots of new friends the more active you will be on the dating site in general and the more fun you will have .. by being active when online dating you will be more attractive to others.

Here are some basic rules to follow in developing online dating relationships:

Online or Offline It’s All the Same

You are going to communicate with real people, yes some will be insulting, some spammers and a few just plain old creepy but on the whole the people you talk to are normal people so treat them as you would if you met in a bar or at work offline. Online conversation follows the same rules as offline, just because you are hidden behind a screen doesn’t give you permission to act like an idiot or insult people.

Before you send any messages, even flirty ones ask yourself “would I say this to a stranger offline or will it come back to haunt me if we ever meet in real life?

Read Profiles Carefully

Other daters have also sat there at the registration page thinking “yikes what do I put in here”, they have taken the time to tell you about themselves so have the decency to read it and not just look at the picture and think “that’ll do” and send a flirt. There are few online insults bigger than receiving a message asking about your children or pets when your profile clearly states you don’t have any.

Comment on Their Profile

Your first message should ask a question or comment about something on their profile and tell them a little about you and why you think you would get on.

Do not send messages like “so you’ve got a horse eh. Here’s my number call me and we can hook up”. Learn to know when to give out your phone number or msn address and don’t force it on people in the first message you send.

It would be much more appropriate to say “What sort of horse riding do you most enjoy? I used to ride as a child but tended to spend most of my time laying on the floor looking at their stomach, so I gave it up and took up a safer hobby … car racing.” This gives them something to respond to and a natural conversation will follow.

Reply to Messages

Answer the messages that you receive, even if you send a “thanks but you’re not my type” reply. Try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, they have taken the time to contact you and may well log in every day to see if you have replied. At the very least you will seem rude and you don’t know who their online friends are but at worst you can actually damage someone’s self image.

Even if you open their profile and think “why on earth is this person contacting me” just remember they have had the guts to contact you so a short polite reply will usually send them merrily on to the next person. The only exception to this rule is insulting, rude or spammy messages .. do not reply, they feed off your outrage or sarcasm so just delete them and they will get bored and go away.

Listen and Speak

Conversations are hard work if they are all one way, with either a bombardment of endless questions to answer or yes/no answers with nothing to reply to. As with building offline relationships make sure conversations are two way and the other person isn’t having to do all the work or is unable to get a word in. Take time to listen to the other person and respond to them.

Don’t Unload

Once you are in a conversation with someone don’t take it as an opportunity for some free theracpy and tell them all your worldy worries. Women tend to be more guilty of this but men are also prone to the occasional bout of wallowing. Having an anyonymous person to tell your troubles to does have a very therapeutic effect but it would be much better to make some same gender friends online and unload on them, possible partners want the upbeat fun you and not the manic depressive you.

Share Your Interests

This  is something we would naturally do offline or even online with our email friends but people often forget this side of relationship building when they join a dating site.

Whether you are building relationships with people you are interesting in possibly dating or just making a group of new friends remember to include them in your interests. Send free ecards or share music clips, send them a link for a news article to discuss or funny animal pictures. The normal things that you would share online with facebook friends or your family.

Don’t be Rude

I have often seen someone in a dating site chatroom that is in the middle of a conversation with a group of people and then suddenly disappears into a private chatroom when someone they are interested in arrives, without saying a word and then you chatroom becomes a flurry of “well that was rude” comments.  Imagine you are in a cafe chatting to a group of people and your date arrives .. without a word you just walk away. What are those people going to think of you and how will they react the next time you drop by for coffee?

Same online, simply say “right must be off, catch you all later”. Everyone knows where you are going but at least you have said goodbye and not just left them hanging.

Privacy is Paramount

Respect people’s privacy online, if they send you a photo or share information about their family or work don’t forward it to friends or talk about it in forums or blogs. The online world is a surprisingly small place and imagine how you would feel if you joined a new forum and found everyone has already heard about you or seen the picture of you drunk in a ditch wearing a flowerpot on your head.

Like a fitness programme, it won’t work by sitting on your sofa and reading books about getting fit or meeting that someone special.

In order to be successful at online dating you have to actively take part, not sit on the side lines and wait for someone special to happen along and pick you for their team.

Passive Daters

These are people that are unsure about even joining a dating site. Perhaps they feel there is still a stigma attached to online dating, they may not believe it can really work, are afraid of rejection, perhaps are not very confident about themselves or simply don’t have a clue what to write about themselves.

Passive daters will fill out the bare bones of a profile, often inserting “will tell you later” or “send me a message and ask me” if they can’t think of an imaginative answer to a question. They are unlikely to put a photo on their profile and very rarely contact other members, instead they sit back and wait for people to contact them .. they will likely even forget they have joined the site unless an email arrives.

Imagine going out on a Saturday night .. you don your best clothes but haven’t bothered ironing them, pop your sunglasses and a floppy hat on and drag yourself out. You go to a bar or restaurant and sit in the corner reading a book waiting and hoping that someone will notice you and stop by your table to say hello.

It doesn’t sound like a recipe for dating success does it? That is the equivalent of a passive online dater and the same result will usually happen .. not a lot, other than disappointment.

You may be lucky and an active dater will stop by and say hello but why would an active dater contact someone with a half-hearted profile, no photo and who hasn’t logged into the site for over a month? As they make up less than 20% of the online dating scene the chances of an active dater contacting you are really quite slim.

If you are a passive dater then it’s time to change your ways if you really want to meet someone, have a quick read of why we Brits need to be more like Americans when it comes to dating profiles.

Start by choosing a good dating profile username as this is the first thing other members will see and a username like “Bored & Depressed” may just put them off a little.

Your profile doesn’t have to be written by Shakespeare or make people roll around the floor laughing, it simply has to be informative, a reflection of who you are. If you’re not sure where to start then get searching and read other peoples profiles, find ones you find interesting and work out what makes them stand out from the crowd.

Upload a recent photo, statistics show that having a profile photo improves your chances of dating success ten fold. Even if you mark it as private so it can’t be seen by everyone but at least other members will know you have a photo so if they contact you there is a chance of seeing it.

Profile Photos are so important I write about them a little too often, check out mistakes women make with profile photos and mistakes men make with profile photos, it can mean the difference between finding that someone special and being overlooked so why not make a little effort and get a good photo for your profile.

Now start searching profiles, find people you like the sound of and send a message saying hello. Some people will initially send a flirt or add someone to their friends list to get the other person to come and read their profile and hopefully reciprocate .. I call this the peek a boo game and don’t recommend it but it’s better than not contacting people. It is better, if you have the confidence, to simply send them a message introducing yourself and always say something or ask a question that shows you have read their profile, not just looked at the photo.

Active Daters

This isn’t a polite term for a serial dater, out every night with someone new. An active dater believes online dating can work, they often know someone that has met their partner online and they actively go after what they want .. to meet someone to date.

They will take time to write an informative and interesting profile, often editing their profile from time to time. Their profile will display a current photo of them (rather than their car or pet) and they will spend time searching profiles and sending messages to people whose profiles they enjoy.

It’s true you have to be a little thick skinned for online dating at times, not everyone will send polite messages or even answer but active daters don’t let this put them off.

Active daters will log in to the site regularly to see who has recently joined, they will send out messages and keep their profile updated. They are also much more likely to succeed simply because they are making the effort to find what they want.

If you are an active dater you may not be meeting as many people as you would like to online but you are over half way there, you are putting in the time and effort. If this isn’t getting the results you were hoping for then ask yourself if you are on the right dating site for you, how to choose a good online dating service is written for first timers but has some good tips if you think you may be on the wrong site.

Please learn the art of rejection, nobody likes a rejection but there is a way to do it nicely and it’s better than being ignored completely. Be polite and friendly when online dating, whether you are a passive or active online dater.

Have you ever noticed that bubbly, happy people tend to be more cuddly. Whereas stern, stressed out people tend to prefer their personal space not to be invaded.

A strong happy relationship needs intimacy and affection, we must take time out of our stressful lives to switch off the tv and have a cuddling session.

Many couples now only cuddle in bed, usually as a prelude to foreplay and sexual activity but can you remember when you were first dating and couldn’t get enough cuddling? It wasn’t about foreplay or duty, you just had to be touching them all the time.

It didn’t matter if you were reading a book, watching tv or washing the dishes, you needed to cuddle them, stroke their skin and kiss them lightly. There were times you cuddled them so hard you wanted to merge into one being .. over time it is all too easy to lose this intimacy.

The stresses of life, work, finances, kids, etc all detract from those intimate feelings you had at the beginning of your relationship and you begin to live side by side rather than together.

If we want to re-connect with our partners on an intimate level then this is what we need to get back to, lots of no strings cuddling.

Women generally need more physical affection than men and respond well to shows of intimacy, although it’s only fair to say men also need to be shown affection in order to feel loved.

For many women cuddling is actually much more important than sex. However if we are only ever cuddled when it’s time for sexual activity then cuddling loses it’s appeal, it becomes foreplay and not a special way to show your love and affection for each other.

In this situation cuddling can actually become a turn off, knowing that you are only being cuddled as a prelude to something else can actually start to feel like bribery and it loses it’s meaning. If your partner is not in the mood for sexual activity then they will begin to avoid cuddling if it always leads to sex.

Women can also start to avoid cuddling when they feel less attractive, those stretch marks from having kids, the weight they have gained, breasts that aren’t as perky as they once were, etc. Men can also have issues with their physical appearance over time.

This is where cuddling can come into it’s own, spending time just touching each other, running your hands over the stretch marks, snuggle into his plump tummy or cupping a slightly sagging breast as you say I love you can create a real feeling of intimacy and confidence in your relationship.

Not done because you want your weekly hump or because something bad has happened so they need comfort but because you want to spend time together and let them know you love them.

Make time for your partner, spend time cuddling and make it obvious that you are not after anything other than a cuddle. Pick up a book or magazine and pull your partner in for a cuddle as you read .. that really is a special feeling, as it takes them into your private world.

There are many ways to re-connect with a partner in a long term relationship but never underestimate the importance of cuddling.

If you met someone in a bar and chatted for half an hour would you hand them your number? How much would you need to know about them before giving out your personal details?

The only difference with online encounters is we are never totally sure of who we are talking to, there is no eye contact or body language to get impressions from.

Because some weird people hang out online it makes us wary of everyone we meet on the internet but with a little forethought the net is no more dangerous than going to a bar and giving out your number to someone you meet.

Here are a couple of ways you can feel more confident before handing out your phone number to online contacts:

Use The Dating Websites Resources

It is amazing how many people send an initial contact message saying here is my phone number and email, please contact me and we can chat. Are you kidding me?! That is the same as walking up to a total stranger in the street and saying here’s my number call me, it may work for James Bond but he’s a fictional character. Set a personal rule that you will not move off the website until you have spoken 8 or 10 times to someone, it’s called respecting boundaries. Use whatever resources the dating website provides, send flirts, personal messages, use the forum, webcams or arrange to meet in the chatroom one night at 9pm (use private chat rooms if they have the facility). If someone seems desperate to get off the website to chat, then ask yourself why, what is their desperation about and do you really want to meet someone desperate. This is a particular red flag if you are looking for a serious relationship.

Start with email

Set up a free email account just for dating and give that to the person you are chatting to but add some rules. The rules are not important, you can say don’t email on a weekend because your sister uses the email account and you don’t want her reading your emails or not to add any attachments or your computer will block the messages. The point of the rules is simply to see whether they abide by them, are they listening to you and working to build your trust or just doing their own thing regardless. Anyone that can’t follow a couple of simple rules for emails may just be the type to send 40 text messages a day or call you at 4am for a chat.

Webcam Chats

Don’t hand out your phone number until you have spoken on webcam, this way you at least know if the person has represented themselves truthfully on their profile and can see body language. It is best if the woman suggests a webcam chat during the day. Genuine men are often wary about asking for a webcam chat in case the woman thinks he is being pervy. By suggesting an afternoon webcam chat the woman is setting the boundaries, which would rarely be taken as anything other than a genuine request for a ‘face to face’ chat.

A Dating Phone

When you are ready to give them your phone number pick up a cheap or used mobile phone and a pay as you go sim card. You can do this for about £25 and carry it with you as a second phone or simply check for messages and missed calls when you get home. If you then get inappropriate calls or messages from someone then you can simply throw away the pay as you go card and get a new one, this way you don’t have to let family and friends know about a change of number but can soon deal with pesky callers.

Call Boundaries

When you give out your number set some boundaries, state that you don’t want to receive calls or texts after 1am or during 9-5 when you will be at work. Some people get carried away when they first get your number and want to talk all the time, this can be very flattering at first but try to think longer term, will 20 text messages a day start to annoy you after a couple of weeks? It may be that you will love the attention, only you can decide but to happily respond to 20 messages a day in the first couple of weeks and then tell them they are stalking you when you get tired of the number of calls or messages is a little unfair, start as you mean to go on and don’t give out mixed signals.

Use your gut feeling and experience when asked for your number, if you are not 100% happy to do so then don’t give it out, simply say you are not ready to speak directly yet. If they decide they can’t wait around then take it as a lucky escape. Don’t be pressurised into giving out your personal details, choose wisely when to give out your phone number.