This is a question I was asked recently and finding just one gem of dating advice which covers every couple, whether newly dating or in a long term relationship, wasn’t easy.

I dismissed the dating advice on how to meet someone and fall in love, this often happens naturally, even when we don’t expect it, as doesn’t cover people already in long term relationships.

Much of the relationship advice I would give is for married couples or people in long term relationships, so this doesn’t cover those in the early dating stage.

Hmmmm, one dating tip to cover everyone in a relationship .. ok here it is ….

Never go to bed angry, always make up before you go to sleep.

Whether you live together or apart, always make up after a fight before you both go to sleep.

This isn’t a relationship tip about romance or sentiment, it’s about science.

Sleep experts tell us that while we sleep we file away the days events. Our brains don’t sleep when our bodies do, they process the days events and stabalise our memories.

Stabalising our memories makes them stronger, it’s how we remember things. Think of it like a filing cabinet, as we sleep we file away our memories for future reference.

This means if the girl at the supermarket checkout smiled and was nice to us we will file it away a pleasant experience. Two weeks later you may not consciously think about the pleasant experience in the supermarket but you will find yourself returning to the same supermarket and same checkout girl. Your sub-conscious remembers her as a pleasant experience.

In relationships we all argue sometimes, we say harsh words we really don’t mean and we usually respond in kind.

Think of a time you have gone to sleep angry. Remember as you begin to wake up the next morning feeling great but as you become fully awake you begin to remember the fight yesterday, the hurt feelings and the anger toward your partner?

If the last thing we think about before we sleep is our hurt feelings, a battered self image or feeling unloved then as we sleep those experiences will be filed away and solidified.

On the other hand, if we make the effort to make up (well we know we will eventually so why not do it now) then the last memory we file away about our partners will be pleasant, comforting and loving ones. When we wake up our memories of our partner will be happy and loving.

This doesn’t mean keeping our partner awake until 4am, when they have to get up at 7 for work, analysing every detail of your relationship. Just suck it up, say sorry and make up. Whether you roll over, say sorry and hug your partner or give them a quick call before you sleep, it’s so important not to sleep upset.

There are certain rules for a healthy relationship and also rules for arguing in a relationship which we should all try to put into practice.

Amid the forest of relationship tips and dating advice I really feel this is the one I would like all couples to take on board because it works on a subconscious level and we have no real concept of the damage we can do to our relationships if we go to sleep hurt or angry.

This is my best relationship tip, what’s yours?

Almost every successful online dating scam follows a set pattern of behaviour.

Once scammers find something that works they will use it until people get wise to the scam and then move on to something new.

Unfortunately, as dating scams deal with our most basic instinct (the desire to love and be loved) this old trick is not running it’s course, it still works every day.

Here is the basic behavior pattern of an internet dating scammer, the psychology behind each step and the red flags to look for … learn to read the signs.

The Scammers Approach

They will send a short introductory message as soon as you or they join the site. They will often approach people 10 to 15 years older than they say they are.

They will very quickly (usually in the first one or two messages) want to move off the site and on to yahoo, msn or mobile texting.

If you agree to move off the dating site within 2 days they will remove their profile from that site and inform you they have done this because they know they have found the one they were looking for.

They will explain that English is not their first language so they are slow at typing (in actual fact they take so long to respond because they are also chatting to 4 other potential victims at the same time).

Red flag:

They want to get you off the dating site as quickly as possible .. ask yourself why?

Scammers Cover Story

This is just one cover story but it will give you an idea of how creative they are.

They will begin by telling you they are a business man or woman and are either currently doing contract work  in an African country or they are in Europe at the moment but will be travelling to Africa on business soon.

They will usually say they are French, Belgian, Dutch, Italian or whatever because when you speak on the phone it can be difficult to tell what their accent is.

Together

They will chat to you daily and within a week they will tell you they are in love with you, they have been waiting for you all their life, they have dreamed of meeting someone like you and they can’t wait for you to be together.

They are perfect for you, almost too good to be true. Everything they tell you sounds like they read your profile and messages then invented their entire persona just for you (there’s a hint in there).

They will quickly talk of visiting you with a view to moving your relationship to the physical level and will talk of marriage.

Red Flag:

Too much, too soon, never met and nobody is that perfect for you. It’s one of the joys of relationships, we have to compromise and if someone is just “perfect” then you should smell a rat.

First Request For Money

This will usually come after 10 to 14 days of chatting daily and take one of four forms. The request will be in an amount from 1000 to 20000 UK pounds or US dollars (although sometimes much more), they will sound so embarrassed to have to ask you BUT:

1. A medical emergency
2. Victim of a crime.
3. Visa money and flight money to come to be with you.
4. A business deal is slipping through their fingers.

The medical emergency will take the form of needing to see a doctor because they are sick or must pay a hospital bill for either them or a close family member. They will say it’s only a loan, someone owes them money and as soon as they get it they will send it right back to you.

The crime will take the form of their wallet/passport/laptop/luggage has been stolen and they are stuck in Africa and need to get home (this may be coupled with the need to pay the hospital bill after the attack).

Of course they have to travel a few hundred miles to apply for the visa, then travel back for the interview and that’s expensive .. the fact that our embassies now accept initial online applications should warn you here.  They also need flight money to come to see you, someone owes them money which they could use but they won’t get it back for a few weeks and they just can’t wait that long to be with you. As soon as they get their money back they will send you what they owe you. Others just say they can’t afford it and if you are to be together then can you pay for their flight.

A great deal came up and they have paid 200,000 plus for heavy machinery/gold/precious stones/etc but they are short 20,000. When they are back home they can sell it for more than double what they are paying for it. Their bank doesn’t have a branch over there so he/she can’t get the remaining money wired to them .. can you just help him/her out and they’ll split the profits with you when they get back and sell their purchases.

Please note that in any of these scenario’s if you say you can’t afford the amount they are asking for they will simply ask for less and try to get the remaining amount elsewhere … and yet they had to ask you, a total stranger, for the money.

Any money you send needs to be sent through Western Union.

Red Flags:

1. A business person that travels frequently and goes to Africa without medical insurance .. pull the other one.
2. If they’re a victim of crime why haven’t they gone to their Embassy for help, that’s what they’re there for and they WILL help in such circumstances.
3. They are so desperate to meet you but never suggest you go to meet them when they get back to their home country, just send them money and they’ll come to you.
4. A business person that can’t get to a bank there but was allowed to wander through customs with 200,000 in cash, which they just happened to be carrying in case they fancied a bite to eat .. I don’t think so!!
5. If the words Western Union and internet dating crop up in the same sentence run a mile.

If you Don’t Send Money

If you sound even slightly hesitant about sending money or say you simply can’t afford to, they will suddenly go into fits of remorse for even asking you .. you will get a tyrade of what a dreadful person they are and they will never forgive themselves for asking .. blah blah blah.

Once they are sure you feel really guilty and sorry for them, usually coupled with you saying you really want to help them but … they will start to ask for money again. Maybe you could just lend them a small part of what they need? Do you have a car you could sell?

Documentational Proof

In order to build trust and reassure you that you are not being scammed they will email you documentation to prove they are telling the truth and how much they need.

This may take the form of:

1. A hospital bill and letter from a doctor explaining they can’t release his/her passport until the bill is paid.
2. A police report detailing the crime and the value of what was stolen.
3. A letter from a travel agent explaining the flight has been booked and they await x number of pounds/dollars to pay for the flight or even a copy of the flight booking confirmation.
4. A receipt from the business they are buying from detailing their purchase and the amount outstanding. This will often state that if the outstanding amount is not paid he/she will lose the money already paid.

Red Flags:

All of these documents are written in English, even the police report .. how convenient, that means you can read them.

I could produce any of these documents in about 10 minutes with my laptop and photoshop.

You can book a flight online and print off the booking confirmation straight away, then cancel the booking. This is such an effective tool though psychologically because you “see” the flight they are coming on, so it can’t be a con … can it?

It’s all proof of nothing other than their ability to use a computer.

Second Request for Money

If you send any money for a flight it will quickly be followed by a second request.

The most popular of these is the Basic Travel Allowance (BTA).

This is where the psychology of the scam gets you in two ways.

Firstly it gets you emotionally, you desperately want to meet this perfect love of your life or you wouldn’t have sent the flight money (usually 2-3000). They sound so utterly disappointed when they tell you they went to get their visa and the embassy/government/travel agent explained they need BTA money in cash, 800-1000 pounds or dollars, which has to be shown at the departure desk.

Secondly you may begin to smell a rat but you’ve already sent a lot of money, so your brain will be desperately trying to convince you that you haven’t just been scammed (even though in your heart you know you have).

You may decide to cut your losses and break contact but many victims of scams try to give them the benefit of the doubt in the hopes of this person really being the love they are looking for and in the hope they haven’t just become the latest victim of a dating scammer.

Red Flags:

There is no such thing as BTA. Before sending any money for visa/passport/travel requirements check the internet, look at your embassy website and establish what is actually needed and what is just an attempt to part you from your hard earned cash.

I know this all makes it sound very “any idiot could work it out” and in the cold light of day they could but these people are very good at what they do and are very convincing.

Please learn the behaviour patterns of online dating scammers so you don’t become a victim.

I am often asked how to deal with rudeness on online dating sites and after the first date.

There are three distinct catagories of dating rudeness I can think of and while they vary in degree they are all unnecessary and are definate dating don’ts.

For reasons known only to themselves some people think that because you are virtually anonymous on an online dating site it gives you the freedom to be rude to people.

Politeness costs nothing, only a moment of your time and in some cases makes you the bigger/better person.

If you have experienced any other forms of rudeness with online dating please leave a comment and let us know about your experiences.

Rude Messages

I have experienced this first hand when I was dating online, receiving messages asking if I was really that fat/tall/boring/sarcastic or whatever.

There are also the messages that tell you what’s wrong with you .. yes people actually browse online dating profiles and send messages to say what they don’t like about you!

People … get a life. There are millions of people online you will not be attracted to, so just click the next button and move on.

What this says about you is you can’t get a date for love nor money so you need to ‘act out’ your frustrations by trying to make others feel as low about themselves as you do.

If you receive any messages like this, delete them .. this is your dating don’t .. don’t respond. Do not give a second thought or wonder why a total stranger would think these things about you .. it’s their problem not yours.

This is basically an extention of the comments you see on blogs, I don’t mean ones that constructively disagree with your post but the ones that just say this is sh*t or describe what they want to do with their private parts.

This is not unique to the internet, you hear it on radio talk shows and read it in letters to editors. Some people clearly have mental frustrations which they release in any anonymous fashion they can.

If you don’t like something then move on, nobody can write something everyone will love and agree with and nobody can be attractive to everyone of the opposite gender.

Perhaps our society has fostered this rudeness by it’s ever widening freedom of speech? I know my mother taught me that if I can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.

If you get these messages and feel the need to react in any way then use the dating sites forum and start a thread called Get a Life .. post their messages on the thread and shame them into stopping because I bet they aren’t just doing it to you.

Ignoring Polite Approaches

This is when you take the time to browse profiles and find the  courage to send that first polite introductory message.

You then wait … and wait … and wait.

It’s like life before the internet (if, like me, you can remember that far back) when someone you were dating said they will call but when they don’t you go to check the dial tone on the telephone in case it’s broken.

It really would have been kinder just to call and say thanks but I’m not interested in dating you again.

Most online dating services will allow you to save message templates. It only takes a moment to respond with a saved message saying “thanks for your message, I’ve checked out your profile but don’t feel we have enough in common but I wish you luck in your search”.

This politely but firmly lets the sender know you are not interested but doesn’t leave them in limbo wondering if you have read their message and will reply.

Remember the saying .. treat people as you would like them to treat you.

After the First Date

So you’ve chatted for a while and decide to meet for a first date. After lunch you say your goodbye’s and tell them you will speak soon, knowing you have no intention of seeing them again.

They send a quick text or message later that day to thank you for the date and they hope to hear from you soon.

You delete it and forget you ever heard their name. Unless they were offensive on your date, that is simply rudeness.

Ok so you thought they were boring, weird, too flirtatious or you simply didn’t find them attractive but remember that you were interested enough to arrange to meet them, so they can’t be all bad.

They are a person with feelings and an ego, just like you. Ask yourself, wouldn’t you prefer to be told thanks but no thanks instead of being ignored?

Conclusion

If you find it necessary to write rude or offensive messages to strangers then you have serious confidence problems and need professional help to deal with your internal issues.

Ignoring people that make a polite effort to communicate with you is arrogance. They may be trying to date out of their league or you may just get too many approaches to be bothered dealing with them all (lucky you) but how much effort does it really take to click a button and let someone know you aren’t interested?!

It may be that you feel uncomfortable saying thanks but no thanks, particularly if you have been communicating for some time but most people feel much better about a rejection than being totally blanked.

This is not someone you plan to meet again so there is no need for embarrassment, just send a short decisive message and let them know they won’t be hearing from you again .. let them move on quickly.

It really is time we get back to be polite people and stop all this rudeness in online dating.

Before you even think of searching profiles or clicking that send flirt button try to decide what it is you are looking for. I don’t mean the exact person, as that will be far too limiting.

Simply decide if you are only ready for casual dating or for a more long term relationship.

A tip for successful online dating is to never decide you have joined an online dating site to find your soul mate, for three reasons:

• You will come across as desperate and that is never an attractive quality.
• Disappointment will quickly arrive when your perfect match doesn’t turn up in the first two weeks.
• The more open minded you are about meeting lots of new friends the more active you will be on the dating site in general and the more fun you will have .. by being active when online dating you will be more attractive to others.

Here are some basic rules to follow in developing online dating relationships:

Online or Offline It’s All the Same

You are going to communicate with real people, yes some will be insulting, some spammers and a few just plain old creepy but on the whole the people you talk to are normal people so treat them as you would if you met in a bar or at work offline. Online conversation follows the same rules as offline, just because you are hidden behind a screen doesn’t give you permission to act like an idiot or insult people.

Before you send any messages, even flirty ones ask yourself “would I say this to a stranger offline or will it come back to haunt me if we ever meet in real life?

Read Profiles Carefully

Other daters have also sat there at the registration page thinking “yikes what do I put in here”, they have taken the time to tell you about themselves so have the decency to read it and not just look at the picture and think “that’ll do” and send a flirt. There are few online insults bigger than receiving a message asking about your children or pets when your profile clearly states you don’t have any.

Comment on Their Profile

Your first message should ask a question or comment about something on their profile and tell them a little about you and why you think you would get on.

Do not send messages like “so you’ve got a horse eh. Here’s my number call me and we can hook up”. Learn to know when to give out your phone number or msn address and don’t force it on people in the first message you send.

It would be much more appropriate to say “What sort of horse riding do you most enjoy? I used to ride as a child but tended to spend most of my time laying on the floor looking at their stomach, so I gave it up and took up a safer hobby … car racing.” This gives them something to respond to and a natural conversation will follow.

Reply to Messages

Answer the messages that you receive, even if you send a “thanks but you’re not my type” reply. Try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, they have taken the time to contact you and may well log in every day to see if you have replied. At the very least you will seem rude and you don’t know who their online friends are but at worst you can actually damage someone’s self image.

Even if you open their profile and think “why on earth is this person contacting me” just remember they have had the guts to contact you so a short polite reply will usually send them merrily on to the next person. The only exception to this rule is insulting, rude or spammy messages .. do not reply, they feed off your outrage or sarcasm so just delete them and they will get bored and go away.

Listen and Speak

Conversations are hard work if they are all one way, with either a bombardment of endless questions to answer or yes/no answers with nothing to reply to. As with building offline relationships make sure conversations are two way and the other person isn’t having to do all the work or is unable to get a word in. Take time to listen to the other person and respond to them.

Don’t Unload

Once you are in a conversation with someone don’t take it as an opportunity for some free theracpy and tell them all your worldy worries. Women tend to be more guilty of this but men are also prone to the occasional bout of wallowing. Having an anyonymous person to tell your troubles to does have a very therapeutic effect but it would be much better to make some same gender friends online and unload on them, possible partners want the upbeat fun you and not the manic depressive you.

Share Your Interests

This  is something we would naturally do offline or even online with our email friends but people often forget this side of relationship building when they join a dating site.

Whether you are building relationships with people you are interesting in possibly dating or just making a group of new friends remember to include them in your interests. Send free ecards or share music clips, send them a link for a news article to discuss or funny animal pictures. The normal things that you would share online with facebook friends or your family.

Don’t be Rude

I have often seen someone in a dating site chatroom that is in the middle of a conversation with a group of people and then suddenly disappears into a private chatroom when someone they are interested in arrives, without saying a word and then you chatroom becomes a flurry of “well that was rude” comments.  Imagine you are in a cafe chatting to a group of people and your date arrives .. without a word you just walk away. What are those people going to think of you and how will they react the next time you drop by for coffee?

Same online, simply say “right must be off, catch you all later”. Everyone knows where you are going but at least you have said goodbye and not just left them hanging.

Privacy is Paramount

Respect people’s privacy online, if they send you a photo or share information about their family or work don’t forward it to friends or talk about it in forums or blogs. The online world is a surprisingly small place and imagine how you would feel if you joined a new forum and found everyone has already heard about you or seen the picture of you drunk in a ditch wearing a flowerpot on your head.

Like a fitness programme, it won’t work by sitting on your sofa and reading books about getting fit or meeting that someone special.

In order to be successful at online dating you have to actively take part, not sit on the side lines and wait for someone special to happen along and pick you for their team.

Passive Daters

These are people that are unsure about even joining a dating site. Perhaps they feel there is still a stigma attached to online dating, they may not believe it can really work, are afraid of rejection, perhaps are not very confident about themselves or simply don’t have a clue what to write about themselves.

Passive daters will fill out the bare bones of a profile, often inserting “will tell you later” or “send me a message and ask me” if they can’t think of an imaginative answer to a question. They are unlikely to put a photo on their profile and very rarely contact other members, instead they sit back and wait for people to contact them .. they will likely even forget they have joined the site unless an email arrives.

Imagine going out on a Saturday night .. you don your best clothes but haven’t bothered ironing them, pop your sunglasses and a floppy hat on and drag yourself out. You go to a bar or restaurant and sit in the corner reading a book waiting and hoping that someone will notice you and stop by your table to say hello.

It doesn’t sound like a recipe for dating success does it? That is the equivalent of a passive online dater and the same result will usually happen .. not a lot, other than disappointment.

You may be lucky and an active dater will stop by and say hello but why would an active dater contact someone with a half-hearted profile, no photo and who hasn’t logged into the site for over a month? As they make up less than 20% of the online dating scene the chances of an active dater contacting you are really quite slim.

If you are a passive dater then it’s time to change your ways if you really want to meet someone, have a quick read of why we Brits need to be more like Americans when it comes to dating profiles.

Start by choosing a good dating profile username as this is the first thing other members will see and a username like “Bored & Depressed” may just put them off a little.

Your profile doesn’t have to be written by Shakespeare or make people roll around the floor laughing, it simply has to be informative, a reflection of who you are. If you’re not sure where to start then get searching and read other peoples profiles, find ones you find interesting and work out what makes them stand out from the crowd.

Upload a recent photo, statistics show that having a profile photo improves your chances of dating success ten fold. Even if you mark it as private so it can’t be seen by everyone but at least other members will know you have a photo so if they contact you there is a chance of seeing it.

Profile Photos are so important I write about them a little too often, check out mistakes women make with profile photos and mistakes men make with profile photos, it can mean the difference between finding that someone special and being overlooked so why not make a little effort and get a good photo for your profile.

Now start searching profiles, find people you like the sound of and send a message saying hello. Some people will initially send a flirt or add someone to their friends list to get the other person to come and read their profile and hopefully reciprocate .. I call this the peek a boo game and don’t recommend it but it’s better than not contacting people. It is better, if you have the confidence, to simply send them a message introducing yourself and always say something or ask a question that shows you have read their profile, not just looked at the photo.

Active Daters

This isn’t a polite term for a serial dater, out every night with someone new. An active dater believes online dating can work, they often know someone that has met their partner online and they actively go after what they want .. to meet someone to date.

They will take time to write an informative and interesting profile, often editing their profile from time to time. Their profile will display a current photo of them (rather than their car or pet) and they will spend time searching profiles and sending messages to people whose profiles they enjoy.

It’s true you have to be a little thick skinned for online dating at times, not everyone will send polite messages or even answer but active daters don’t let this put them off.

Active daters will log in to the site regularly to see who has recently joined, they will send out messages and keep their profile updated. They are also much more likely to succeed simply because they are making the effort to find what they want.

If you are an active dater you may not be meeting as many people as you would like to online but you are over half way there, you are putting in the time and effort. If this isn’t getting the results you were hoping for then ask yourself if you are on the right dating site for you, how to choose a good online dating service is written for first timers but has some good tips if you think you may be on the wrong site.

Please learn the art of rejection, nobody likes a rejection but there is a way to do it nicely and it’s better than being ignored completely. Be polite and friendly when online dating, whether you are a passive or active online dater.

Have you ever noticed that bubbly, happy people tend to be more cuddly. Whereas stern, stressed out people tend to prefer their personal space not to be invaded.

A strong happy relationship needs intimacy and affection, we must take time out of our stressful lives to switch off the tv and have a cuddling session.

Many couples now only cuddle in bed, usually as a prelude to foreplay and sexual activity but can you remember when you were first dating and couldn’t get enough cuddling? It wasn’t about foreplay or duty, you just had to be touching them all the time.

It didn’t matter if you were reading a book, watching tv or washing the dishes, you needed to cuddle them, stroke their skin and kiss them lightly. There were times you cuddled them so hard you wanted to merge into one being .. over time it is all too easy to lose this intimacy.

The stresses of life, work, finances, kids, etc all detract from those intimate feelings you had at the beginning of your relationship and you begin to live side by side rather than together.

If we want to re-connect with our partners on an intimate level then this is what we need to get back to, lots of no strings cuddling.

Women generally need more physical affection than men and respond well to shows of intimacy, although it’s only fair to say men also need to be shown affection in order to feel loved.

For many women cuddling is actually much more important than sex. However if we are only ever cuddled when it’s time for sexual activity then cuddling loses it’s appeal, it becomes foreplay and not a special way to show your love and affection for each other.

In this situation cuddling can actually become a turn off, knowing that you are only being cuddled as a prelude to something else can actually start to feel like bribery and it loses it’s meaning. If your partner is not in the mood for sexual activity then they will begin to avoid cuddling if it always leads to sex.

Women can also start to avoid cuddling when they feel less attractive, those stretch marks from having kids, the weight they have gained, breasts that aren’t as perky as they once were, etc. Men can also have issues with their physical appearance over time.

This is where cuddling can come into it’s own, spending time just touching each other, running your hands over the stretch marks, snuggle into his plump tummy or cupping a slightly sagging breast as you say I love you can create a real feeling of intimacy and confidence in your relationship.

Not done because you want your weekly hump or because something bad has happened so they need comfort but because you want to spend time together and let them know you love them.

Make time for your partner, spend time cuddling and make it obvious that you are not after anything other than a cuddle. Pick up a book or magazine and pull your partner in for a cuddle as you read .. that really is a special feeling, as it takes them into your private world.

There are many ways to re-connect with a partner in a long term relationship but never underestimate the importance of cuddling.

February 14th is a day to celebrate love, whether you simply admire someone you have never been out with or have been married for 60 years.

The secret to a well received valentine gesture is originality, that doesn’t mean do something that has never been done before, just make whatever you give personal. Anyone can send a free ecard or buy a box of Thorntons chocolates but with a little thought and next to no money, if any at all, you can make that special someone feel even more special this valentines day.

1. Love List

Write out all the reasons you love your partner, from the funny way they wrinkle their nose when they laugh to how special they make you feel when they tell you they love you.This is a far better way to appreciate your partner than copying a poem off the internet.

2. Computer Art

Grab your laptop and start designing. You can design a personal Valentine card, a newspaper, a sales leaflet (with you as the object for sale) or an old fashioned love letter. No need to be artistic, there is plenty of software to help you along. No imagination? Just print out I love you 100 times in different colours.

3. Kitchen Roll Love Letter

With a black marker pen write love messages along the length of a kitchen roll. Unroll it along the floor from the door they wil enter to where you are .. it’s a treasure trail and the treasure is you.

4. Music Mix

Whether it’s a cd or mp3 file, put together a great mix of love songs and slip it into a drawer or their bag .. a great one if you fancy someone in the office but haven’t told them yet. Don’t forget to record a personal message at the beginning.

5. Love Vouchers

Write out a few personal vouchers for your sweetheart, they can include such favours as breakfast in bed, a massage or your turn to do the dishes. Let your partner cash them in over time but be prepared to accept the vouchers and do your bit whenever they are cashed in.

6. Box of Hearts

Line a gift box with red tissue paper and then fill it with loose love heart sweets. While you are snuggled together on the sofa you can read the silly messages as you eat them.

7. Naughty Notes

Write out a number of naughty notes and hide them … not too well, you do want him or her to find them. Pop them in coat pockets, under the windscreen wipers of their car, their desk drawer or their fridge.

8. Paper Petals

Get some red paper or thin card and cut out hearts and rose petals, scatter them over over the dinner table or on and around your bed. Add some candles for mood and you have a romantic night for two.

9. Romantic Ringtone

Download a mobile phone ringtone and pop it onto their phone, every time someone calls them they will think of you.

10. Short Story

If you are feeling creative write a short story, make sure you and your partner are the lead characters destined to find love. Each year together you can add a new chapter to the story.

I am not talking about the french maids outfit in the bedroom or dressing up to go out together but simply dressing up for him.

In many marriages and long term relationships it’s all too easy to slip into the habit of wearing makeup and nice clothes only when you go out but at home you wear sloppy sweats and no make up.

Let’s be honest none of us are inclined to don our best frock and a face full of makeup to clean the loo or if you do you perhaps need to look at why you feel that urge!

However, when we are first dating most of us would rather be seen dead (as long as we have nice undies on) than for our man to see us without makeup and a push up bra, yet as time goes on we get “comfortable” around our man.

He has heard us snore, seen us with a runny nose when we have a cold and there was that awful time we did a loud fart and he was three feet away .. so do we need to dress up for him?

Yes there is much more to your relationship now than there was in your dating days but physical attraction is still an important part of any relationship.

This relationship comfort zone is often coupled with a low sex drive, if we don’t look attractive and sexy then we don’t feel it. There is no need to wait until you are in the mood then dress up, do it the other way around, dress up first and you’d be surprised how it can change your mood.

Have you ever sat at work or in a bar and looked at other men thinking, my old fella never bothers to look or smell that good anymore? If we are honest most of us have but the downside is that most of them have done the same with women.

This doesn’t mean we are all bored with our partners and looking elsewhere, if you ask the average man in a happy long term relationship they will say they love their partner but do wish she would make the effort she used to. Same with us, we wish he would take that saggy old jumper off, have a shave and slap some smellies on occasionally .. (how many heads are now looking toward the sofa thinking “hell yeah”).

Make the first move ladies, rekindle your dating days by surprising your man and dress up for him tonight. He may well ask “what’s this all about” so just be honest and say your relationship is important to you and you want to remain attractive to each other, if he can have steak at home why would he consider pork pie outside?

If he responds well to your efforts tell him to go and take a shower and put some decent clothes on before he’s allowed to spend time with you, then cuddle up together and remember what it was like to date each other when you always dressed up for your man.

It’s easy to think or say “it’s just a bit of fun and nobody will get hurt” but the reality of these arrangements is more often than not a broken friendship and emotional pain for one participant.

The worst reason to get into a friends with benefits relationship is fooling yourself that it can start out this way and will develop into a full blown romantic loving relationship … the odds are it won’t and you will just get hurt and used.

If you are tempted to get into a friends with benefits relationship, perhaps in order to keep loneliness at bay for a short time or until Mr/Miss Right comes along, then you may wish to consider these points before agreeing to be a “friend with benefits”.

Men and Woman ARE Different

Usually in friends with benefits relationships men are after the benefits and women are after the friendship, sorry men but that’s the honest truth. Firstly we have to understand the difference between love and lust and decide what we are really looking for.

A night in with a friend, a pizza, weepy video and sofa hug will generally make a woman feel satified emotionally and it’s a small price for a man to pay to get the “benefits”.

Would you agree to do this with just any friend?

I would think the answer is a resounding no, so before agreeing to such an arrangement take a long hard look at a good friend of the opposite sex that you would definately not agree to be a friend with benefits with.

Why are they any different, you just need some sexual satisfaction with someone you trust but without emotional involvement right? In order to agree to sleep with someone there has to be some attraction involved and attraction is an emotion .. so how do you now stick to the rules of friends with benefits and not get emotionally involved?

What Are the Benefits For You?

Given the above (you may not even be aware of any feelings you have for your friend but to even consider this arrangement you should accept those feelings must be there) what will happen to the friendship when those feelings begin to emerge for one of you?

Can your friendship survive the hurt feelings of rejection or the jealousy when you see your friend with someone else. Of course you can deny, deny, deny your emotions but when you are back in your bed alone at night crying what benefit will you have gained from this arrangement?

Not Interesting Enough to Date

If someone you just met said “you don’t interest me enough to date but do you fancy a roll in the hay just to relieve my tensions” how would you react? In effect the friend that suggests a “friends with benefits” relationship is saying exactly the same thing, all they are looking for is sexual gratification without any strings or emotional attachment. Are you really willing to sell yourself so short?

You Deserve Better

I know it is really easy to say “you deserve better so wait for the right guy or girl” but that is no comfort when you are feeling utterly lonely and looking for love. Loneliness is all consuming at times  and causes us to hurt emotionally but we also know it comes and goes.

You can be miserable or motivate yourself it really is a choice we make and we don’t have to resort to friends with benefits to keep lonliness at bay.

Take Up a New Activity Together

Learning something new with your significant other can be a great bonding experience that will bring the two of you closer together with shared memories and experiences.  Ballroom dancing, for example, has gained much popularity in recent years and is a wonderful way for couples to spend time together.  Once you have learned how to do it, you can take it out on the town as well.  Find something that the two of you can do together and see how great it feels to spend time together.

Try New Restaurants

As simple as it sounds, we often get caught up in routines that have us cycling in and out of the same places week after week.  Changing where you go out to eat can open the two of you up to new experiences, cuisine, and even the possibility of meeting new friends and acquaintances.  Try eating somewhere different each month—you may even find a new favorite place.

Travel

This one can do wonders for your relationship if you do it right.  Traveling, both within your own country and abroad, offers so much to both of you and will enrich your lives together in the process.  Sometimes traveling can be stressful, but do your very best to make sure that your travel experience doesn’t wear on the two of you.  Rather, it should only serve to enhance and grow the bond that the two of you already share.

Make More Time for One Another

In our hectic and fast-paced world, it is all too easy to get caught up in daily life and forget about what’s important in the bigger picture.  Make sure that you spend more time with your significant other so that your relationship stays strong.  Showing that you care through action and words will make sure that the two of you don’t drift apart and will strengthen your relationship in the process.

This post was contributed by Holly McCarthy, who writes on the subject of the best dating sites. She invites your feedback at hollymccarthy12@gmail.com