Perhaps you are perfectly happy being single but if you are reading this post then it might be a hint to yourself that you are ready to date again.

If you have reached the ‘I’ll never meet anyone’ stage or you seem un-dateable, you have to figure out why before you should start looking for a date.

There are various elements that involve how to successfully get a date. Let’s explore a few of these options in more detail below.

Would You Want to Go Out With Yourself?

Take a good deep look at yourself. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Are you ready to date again? You may have gone through a divorce or a really harsh break up, so you may not be ready to move on emotionally and invest that many feelings into one person again. Are you afraid of relationships or love? Physically, you may have given up on your appearances because you feel like you are un-dateable. If you are looking to get over your ex, doing physical activity will not just make you feel better about yourself but it will also help you to meet new people. By meeting new friends you will start letting go of your emotional problems and stress, this will start gearing your attention towards dating and finding someone new in your life.

Do You Want Someone to Approach You?

After you decide you are ready to date again and begin feeling confident people will begin to notice, because self confidence is always an attractive quality.  When people begin to notice you and pay you attention how are you responding? Does your body language say “Hey, come on over” or is it saying “Not interested in the slightest”? When someone shows a slight interest in you, your body language must be able to respond. Without a flash of a smile or a playful nod of the head, people will be afraid to approach you. The best way to overcome this is by testing out the waters. Start smiling, laughing and inviting people into your life, even if it’s just as new friends. This will help you to practice in order to snag yourself a date.

Remember Who You Are Talking to

Men and women communicate differently. If you are talking to a man, do not pretend he is your best girl friend. You may talk his ear off so much that he forgets to even ask you out. If you are talking to a woman, you have to remember that she likes it if you take an interest in her. If you seem uninterested in what she has to say, there is little reason for her to take this conversation to the next level. Communication is key, so remember who you are talking to and how you should speak to them in order to get a first or second date.

Do You Want to Date?

Your will to date will answer whether or not you want to date. You may say you want to but in reality you are not even putting yourself out there to date. You must make yourself available in order for people to realize that you are on the market. Start going out with friends, take up a new course or start a new physical activity to start getting yourself out there. Online dating will help you tremendously to get a date when you do not have the time to start joining new activities but don’t get stuck in the rut of hiding behind your keyborad, online dating is only a spring board to a real date and is not in itself a relationship.

When you are flirting with someone that you would like to go out with, remember to be yourself and be honest. Within a few minutes you will realize that your Friday night movie at your house just became a dinner date for two!

Allison Schleck is a featured writer for the Senior Dating site. Allison is a well-accomplished bilingual writer for magazines, websites and newspapers who teaches Karate Do on her down time.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Nobody’s perfect”, but do we really take it to heart?

When it comes to love, it seems that the answer is generally “no”. More than ever before, today’s singles (and marrieds, but that’s a different post…) have options.

Many of us truly believe that we will find the perfect partner, a soulmate who will fulfill our every need through every stage of our lives.

Staying with someone who doesn’t completely fit the bill is labeled as “settling”.

An impossible standard.

When you see it written on a page or hear it said out lout, it’s easy to see how ridiculous this trend is.

Clearly, nobody exists or should exist to meet all of your emotional needs. People change their worldview as they age. Sometimes your life partner will be out of step with you during these changes. Is it a bad thing to “settle” for someone who doesn’t completely share your viewpoints?

The answer:

The reasonable answer is to realize that sometimes a partner can only be asked to support your goals, dreams, and the changes in worldview you undergo. As long as your goals don’t break your marriage vows or personal promises to each other, and you aren’t dragging the relationship through one financial crisis after another, support isn’t an unreasonable request.

Are you in a place where you’re willing/able to support someone else?

When you enter into a committed relationship of any sort with another person, you should also ask yourself whether you can reasonably support that person as they change and mature. This isn’t a one-way street. Sometimes your partner will need more support from you than you’re getting from them. That’s an expected part of any long term relationship, and you shouldn’t consider committing to one if you’re not willing to make that type of sacrifice.

In the long run, settling isn’t always such a bad idea. If you don’t settle on some issues you’re likely to jump from relationship to relationship, never finding anyone who is worthy of your commitment. Assuming that a long-term relationship is something you want, settling for someone who truly cares about you and who tries to support you can be the key to happiness.

Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at onlinedegrees.org and performs research surrounding online schools. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.

I am often asked how to deal with rudeness on online dating sites and after the first date.

There are three distinct catagories of dating rudeness I can think of and while they vary in degree they are all unnecessary and are definate dating don’ts.

For reasons known only to themselves some people think that because you are virtually anonymous on an online dating site it gives you the freedom to be rude to people.

Politeness costs nothing, only a moment of your time and in some cases makes you the bigger/better person.

If you have experienced any other forms of rudeness with online dating please leave a comment and let us know about your experiences.

Rude Messages

I have experienced this first hand when I was dating online, receiving messages asking if I was really that fat/tall/boring/sarcastic or whatever.

There are also the messages that tell you what’s wrong with you .. yes people actually browse online dating profiles and send messages to say what they don’t like about you!

People … get a life. There are millions of people online you will not be attracted to, so just click the next button and move on.

What this says about you is you can’t get a date for love nor money so you need to ‘act out’ your frustrations by trying to make others feel as low about themselves as you do.

If you receive any messages like this, delete them .. this is your dating don’t .. don’t respond. Do not give a second thought or wonder why a total stranger would think these things about you .. it’s their problem not yours.

This is basically an extention of the comments you see on blogs, I don’t mean ones that constructively disagree with your post but the ones that just say this is sh*t or describe what they want to do with their private parts.

This is not unique to the internet, you hear it on radio talk shows and read it in letters to editors. Some people clearly have mental frustrations which they release in any anonymous fashion they can.

If you don’t like something then move on, nobody can write something everyone will love and agree with and nobody can be attractive to everyone of the opposite gender.

Perhaps our society has fostered this rudeness by it’s ever widening freedom of speech? I know my mother taught me that if I can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.

If you get these messages and feel the need to react in any way then use the dating sites forum and start a thread called Get a Life .. post their messages on the thread and shame them into stopping because I bet they aren’t just doing it to you.

Ignoring Polite Approaches

This is when you take the time to browse profiles and find the  courage to send that first polite introductory message.

You then wait … and wait … and wait.

It’s like life before the internet (if, like me, you can remember that far back) when someone you were dating said they will call but when they don’t you go to check the dial tone on the telephone in case it’s broken.

It really would have been kinder just to call and say thanks but I’m not interested in dating you again.

Most online dating services will allow you to save message templates. It only takes a moment to respond with a saved message saying “thanks for your message, I’ve checked out your profile but don’t feel we have enough in common but I wish you luck in your search”.

This politely but firmly lets the sender know you are not interested but doesn’t leave them in limbo wondering if you have read their message and will reply.

Remember the saying .. treat people as you would like them to treat you.

After the First Date

So you’ve chatted for a while and decide to meet for a first date. After lunch you say your goodbye’s and tell them you will speak soon, knowing you have no intention of seeing them again.

They send a quick text or message later that day to thank you for the date and they hope to hear from you soon.

You delete it and forget you ever heard their name. Unless they were offensive on your date, that is simply rudeness.

Ok so you thought they were boring, weird, too flirtatious or you simply didn’t find them attractive but remember that you were interested enough to arrange to meet them, so they can’t be all bad.

They are a person with feelings and an ego, just like you. Ask yourself, wouldn’t you prefer to be told thanks but no thanks instead of being ignored?

Conclusion

If you find it necessary to write rude or offensive messages to strangers then you have serious confidence problems and need professional help to deal with your internal issues.

Ignoring people that make a polite effort to communicate with you is arrogance. They may be trying to date out of their league or you may just get too many approaches to be bothered dealing with them all (lucky you) but how much effort does it really take to click a button and let someone know you aren’t interested?!

It may be that you feel uncomfortable saying thanks but no thanks, particularly if you have been communicating for some time but most people feel much better about a rejection than being totally blanked.

This is not someone you plan to meet again so there is no need for embarrassment, just send a short decisive message and let them know they won’t be hearing from you again .. let them move on quickly.

It really is time we get back to be polite people and stop all this rudeness in online dating.

Unless you have been crushingly lonely you don’t understand just what a strong and self destructive emotion it can be.

I am not talking about the level of loneliness you can feel when you fancy a night out but your friends are all busy.

I mean the level where you feel consumed by your loneliness, even when you are in a room full of people you are chatting to.

The trouble with this depth of loneliness is you can become convinced that only a romantic relationship can relieve your lonely feelings.

Dating can actually add to the feeling of loneliness, as your emotions become virtually tangible and your dates will pick up on this desperation, frightening them away.

The chance of meeting “the one” in the first person you date is less likely than winning the lottery, this means rejection is a certainty and rejection is not going to lift your spirits or build your confidence.

Another negative when dating in this emotional state is the possibility of entering a relationship with someone totally unsuitable in order to simply deal with your lonely emotions.

The only healthy solution to this depth of loneliness is to recognise that dating is not the immediate answer, that is not to say you should avoid dating but see it as a lower priority.

Your first priority should be to recognise that feeling lonely and being alone are two very different things. Being single is not why you feel this way, plenty of married people suffer from loneliness. This is so easy to say but not as easy to do, if necessary get professional help to separate these issues in your mind.

Once you have recognised the difference you can begin to work on changing your emotional state. If lack of company causes your loneliness you can learn to be happy in your own company, to enjoy time without being in a relationship.

When you are busy it is more difficult to feel lonely, your mind is on other things. If you are bored with nothing to physically do then finding a love interest can become of paramount importance, adding to your lonely feelings because love rarely appears in an instant.

The web now provides an outlet to lonely people, with forums on almost any topic and online dating sites where people can not only meet people to date but can also make new friends to stave off lonely feelings.

If you are lonely and considering joining an online dating site then first look to see if they have an active forum, if they don’t then do not join. The ‘meat market’ side of online dating will simply add to your feelings of emotional isolation.

Join a site with an active community and try to focus on making new online friends, if “the one” turns up it will be a plus but once you find new friends you will soon realise that finding a partner is not the only solution to your current emotional state.

Mind have a booklet on how to cope with loneliness and Web of Loneliness provide a number of website links for information and self help for loneliness.

When I came to the Middle East almost 3 years ago, with my 40 year old independent career women “these poor oppressed women” attitude, I quickly found that what I believed to be the truth was in fact just a very one sided opinion led by the media.

I have met many women here that are in arranged marriages, often with their cousins. Whilst it is only true and fair to say some are utterly miserable, virtual slaves in their own homes, they are in my experience the minority.

Most of the women I meet are perfectly happy with their marriage, more so than most Western women I know. Why should this be?

Let’s have a quick look at the process of arranging a marriage over here (that is one arranged for the interests of the couple and not for the interests of the families).

1. A young man will choose someone he is considering for a wife and will inform his family.

2. His family will go to great lengths to find out everything they can about her and her family.

3. If his family approve of his choice in the first instance he will approach the brother/cousin/uncle (but rarely the father) of the proposed bride to be.

4. They will inform the girls family who will look into the proposed grooms background, family and future prospects.

5. At this stage the families get together and discuss the proposed marriage and whether they all feel this is the right marriage for both bride and groom.

6. If everyone, including the bride and groom, is in agreement then the engagement is announced.

This is all assuming that they have not lived 3 streets apart all of their lives and already know everything there is to know about each other, which is more often than not the case.

Ok so it all sounds a little clinical but think about it, the families are not looking through loves young rose tinted glasses, they don’t have hormones raging through their veins and aren’t in the slightest bit concerned whether he’s a good kisser.

Their focus has been on long term compatibility and whether they believe the marriage can survive. Are they of equal intelligence, is she religiously pious but he gets drunk every weekend, are they financially able to start a marriage or family, do they have similar goals in life? All these questions and many more are taken into account to assess whether a marriage between them is viable or simply an infatuation that will quickly fade.

Divorce statistics for the UK show that the highest rates are among people in their 20′s, who have no doubt leapt into an unsuitable union due to infatuation. The stats also show that many divorces occur within the first 2 years of marriage when the initial lust wears thin.

So maybe there is something we can learn. I’m not suggesting we get our families together and go through each others background with a fine tooth comb but a degree of removing the rose tinted glasses and looking at the practicalities of life before marriage may save many people from heartache in the future.

Divorce also often leaves us with diminished confidence and the years of marriage have blunted our dating skills. So how do we get back out there and start dating again?

Here are 5 tips for dating after divorce:

1. Embrace being single

You have decided you want to date again, you are sick of being single and get lonely in the evenings, so why am I telling you to embrace being single? When you are single and lonely it is all too easy to start going out with entirely unsuitable people just to fill the gap. Once you start to embrace being single you will see that it allows you the choice to pick carefully who you are going to date. What I mean by this is not to love being single or determine that you are destined to be single forever but see it as a positive step toward finding someone new, you are now single and have all the time in the world to find Mr/Miss Right. It’s better to go out with your friends or stay home with a good book than date someone just for the company, it saves a lot of heartache.

2. Positive Self Image

So during your marriage you got into a rut and swapped the sexy clothes for baggy sweaters, you dye your own hair now and you simply no longer feel attractive. So why would a date be attracted to you, not because of the sloppy sweaters but because of the negative self image you have. Next you need to deal with your self image. Buy a book on positive self image, get your hair done professionally, dig those sexy clothes out of the back of the wardrobe and when you can stand in front of a mirror and smile then you are ready to date again. I repeat, it’s not about the clothes or the hair they are just a confidence building tool, it’s about having and projecting a positive attitude about yourself.

3. Social Circle

Build a new social circle before you consider dating again. Friends are a great source for bouncing ideas off, they will let us know if the person we are thinking of dating has also dated every man/woman in a 5 mile radius and they help to build our confidence again. A social life away from dating will also stop us feeling desperate to find someone to fill those lonely evenings and dates can spot desperation a mile away (it’s not an attractive quality in case you haven’t realised).

4. Hobbies

Ever fancied salsa dancing, pottery or archery? Now is the time to give it a go. Never thought of having a hobby, then it is time to try one. Everyone says to newly single people “get a hobby” but there is much wisdom in what is usually a throw away comment. It doesn’t even have to cost you any money, most libraries have a book club, most areas have free classes for single parents and even in the middle of nowhere you will find a rambling club. This will get you out of the house, making new friends and increasing your positive self image. Do not tell me you don’t have any time, a friend of mine is a single mother, works 14 hours a day mon-fri and is the most socially active person I know, forever going sailing, playing sports, taking the kids to museums, etc – it’s all about positive mental attitude.

5. Join the Girl Guides or Boy Scouts

Silly joke, however the boy scouts and girl guides are “always prepared” and you need to be too. There are known patterns to online dating sites, with Christmas and the New Year being the busiest time of year because this is when singles feel most lonely. Think ahead to your anniversary date, your ex’s birthday, holidays and plan for them. You will probably feel sad or lonely at these times so arrange to visit family or friends, book a weekend away or do something special for yourself that you always enjoy and will take your mind off your situation.

Is it by the number of times you are asked on a second date or the times your date accepts a second date? Perhaps it is how much you make your date laugh or how long the date last for? Maybe you think it is how well you dress or where you choose to take your date?

The secret to being a good date is all in your attitude, if you are relaxed and having a good time then you will be a good date, no matter what you’re wearing or whether that spot on your chin is covered up enough.

Here are some tips to help you become a really good date:

1. Don’t agree to do anything you do not enjoy. Perhaps his passion is fishing or she loves ice skating but unless you also enjoy these activities then you are going to get bored and neither of you will have a good time.
2. Line the dates up, no seriously keep your options open and date lots of people. If you only have one date every six months then the pressure on getting it right and them being “the one” becomes overpowering for you both. If you make friends of the opposite sex online and don’t have a date this Saturday then ask a friend if they want to meet and have some fun.
3. Unless you can both talk for England then don’t opt for the usual evening in a pub or restaurant. If you are not sure you can talk non-stop for four hours or are a little shy then choose to do an activity, go to the cinema or a walk round the local antiques market. It is much harder to relax and flirt when sitting opposite someone for hours trying to keep the conversation going, so opt for an activity that allows you both to relax and have fun with each other.
4. Keep the conversation positive and light, don’t discuss your health issues or how much you hate your boss/ex partner/next door neighbour. Without chemical assistance nobody is upbeat and positive all the time but a first date is not the time to get into your ‘issues’, you will just come across as a boring winger.
5. Have something to talk about, read the paper, watch the news, read a book, just have something in your conversation arsenal above and beyond “what’s your favourite food?” Don’t pretend to be interested in a subject you are not, you will just look silly but even if you just say “I was reading about the US election and I just don’t understand their political system” will allow your date to discuss their knowledge of the subject or allow you both to laugh at a subject neither of you understand.

If you want to be a great date then you should also read my tips for 6 things not to discuss or talk about on a first date

Bank robbers do not plan a robbery with the intention of being caught, they assume they are more intelligent than those in jail and that they will get away with it. Cheating partners are exactly the same, they don’t have an affair assuming they will get caught out, they assume they are too careful, too clever to be caught committing adultery but how wrong they are.

It is a sad fact that some partners do cheat and all too often it ends in disaster, divorce and financial difficulty, all for an afternoon or two of ‘fun’.

Here are 7 signs of a cheating partner, provided by a firm of very experienced private investigators in the UK. If you are cheating and your partner hires these guys then be afraid, be very afraid, they WILL catch you out.

These signs show a pattern of behaviour followed by most cheaters and may help you assess whether your partner is cheating on you.

1. They get a second mobile phone, which is a pay as you go phone. They may claim this is a work phone or it’s for making private calls because work are clamping down on private calls on works mobiles. Pay as you go phones do not have itemised billing and calls and voicemail messages are easily deleted and cannot be retrieved. This covers their tracks nicely, as you cannot check their phone logs or bills.

2. They suddenly develop a new friend of the same gender, who they call and text regularly but you have never met. They know you will ask questions if they suddenly have a new number for someone of the opposite sex, so they save the number and change Bob into Susan or Susan into Bob to allay your suspicions. As adults our friendships tend to develop slowly and we discuss the development of the new friendship with our partner (eg we met for lunch, snippets about their life as you learn more about them). A sudden new ‘best friend’ that they need to contact and meet regularly, just as children do, can be an indicator of something amiss.

3. After years of working regular hours they start to work overtime or at weekends but they are not earning overtime pay or receive a salary rise or bonus. It really is the oldest one in the book but people still use it because work activities are so often not questioned. This is an obvious indicator if coupled with other signs.

4. They start to hang out with single friends more often. We are all gender biased in favour of our own gender to a degree and single friends will often provide cover stories for married friends affairs. If your partner used to meet a single friend for drinks once a month and it’s now twice a week, start asking yourself questions.

5. They start to treat you differently, either less or more affectionately. The age old joke about a husband bringing his wife flowers for no reason being an indicator of an affair is all too often true. Why? Because people that are cheating change emotionally, they are excited, they are happy, they are scared of being caught, etc and only a sociopath can hide these emotional changes. They may go off you totally or try to compensate for their guilty feelings by being more affectionate toward you.

6. They change their appearance, start going to the gym and suddenly become more interested in their looks. We all like to look our best when we are dating and someone new showing interested in us lifts our ego and this makes us more aware of our appearance. They may start to wear new sexier underwear or tighter fitting clothes and spend longer getting ready when they are going out.

7. If you are suspicious and you confront them with your fears they become very defensive and deny, deny, deny. The Two Ronnies once did a brilliant comedy sketch where a wife walks in on her cheating spouse and he simply denies there is a woman in the room, as she is getting dressed in the background. They do not discuss your feelings or concerns, they simply get angry and defensive. If your partner loves you and is not cheating they will be more concerned with dealing with your suspicions but if they are cheating they will simply be concerned about not getting caught and this makes them scared and angry. So if they thrust the phone at you and say “here, call them then” do not back down and say “no, it’s ok I believe you”, that is exactly the reaction they want. If you take the phone off them to call, a cheating partner will snatch the phone back and start ranting about lack of trust.

There is some excellent advice on ways to catch a cheating partner on Salgado Investigations website and if you suspect your partner is cheating I suggest you read it.

If you are thinking about hiring a private investigator but not sure who to look for in your area then check out Salgado and find a firm that offer similar services where you are. It may seem extreme to employ a PI but these days there is often so much at stake in a divorce that in the long run it may be worth it.

We spend roughly a third of our week sleeping and almost a third at work, so it is not surprising that many people meet their partners at or through work. Some of these relationships work out very well but others can turn into something Alfred Hitchcock could have written.

The difficulty is not during the meeting stage or the dating stage, it is the break up stage that causes a problem in the work place. Of course that is not something we anticipate when we first meet and fall in love with someone but is something we should carefully consider when deciding whether to date a work colleague.

Many years ago I had been dating an employee, as the boss of the office my relationship was not known throughout the company, until we got engaged that is. I rang my Director to let him know about my engagement and the very next day was summoned to head office. Despite having received an outstanding annual review just two months previously, I was advised in no uncertain terms that if they could legally dismiss me they would and all eyes would now be on me.

Obviously I was furious, how could my private love life affect my work or my colleagues? We had been seeing each other for months and there had been no adverse effects.

The attitude of my Director and other Managers in the company changed completely and life began to get rather unpleasant. People were looking for favouritism, romantic liaisons in work time and signs that I was slacking in my work. I found it all very insulting as I was totally committed to my career.

Then things in my relationship began to go wrong and very quickly deteriorated, as we both lived and worked together, having no opportunity for space or ‘me time’. As I was the only female in the building my fiance began getting jealous if I held a business meeting he was not invited to and this caused arguments at home.

I was not willing to give up the career I had worked so hard for and he enjoyed his work and felt secure with the company, so was also reluctant to leave.

The inevitable happened and we split up. How on earth were we going to work together while we went through the healing process? My ex fiance simply went off sick, causing problems for his co-workers who had to take on extra work.

I received all the I told you so messeages by my management colleagues in person, by phone, fax and email. It was clear their confidence and trust in my abilities were shattered. It took two short months before I did the honourable thing and resigned, leaving behind a career I dearly loved, a beautiful company car and most of my pride.

The entire industry knew about my ‘experience’ and I therefore had to look for a job in a new industry, setting my career back by about five years and drastically reducing my salary.

To make matters worse about four years later, after I had rebuilt my career, I received a call from my previous employers asking me to send their lawyers a statement about the entire incident. It seemed that my ex fiance was suing them and stated in his complaint that he had been sexually harassed by me (completely forgetting to mention we had lived together and were engaged to be married). I provided the statement and of course the case was dropped but it was enough to put me off ever dating at work again.

Joy Huber looks at this issue in her article Dating someone you work with – do or don’t? and if my story isn’t enough to put you off dating at work then there is a valuable lesson at the end of the article The Perils of Dating at Work by Top Dating Tips.

With this experience I clearly come down on the side of being against dating at work but if you have had a successful work/romantic relationship then we would love to hear about it so please leave a comment.

A first date can find your mouth working before your brain has had a chance to catch up, especially if you don’t have an active social life and the opportunity to discuss things that are troubling you. If need be sit down for half an hour before going on a first date and write out 500 times “I will not discuss these 5 things”.

The following subjects are now taboo for you to discuss with anyone but your family, close friends or psychiatrist.

1. The Ex – your ex is the past and you are trying to embark on your future, so don’t drag your ex with you.

Do not discuss the horrible divorce, their infidelity or the continued battle over money, your date doesn’t want or need to hear about it, they are simply trying to work out if they are attracted to you.

The other side of the coin is praising your ex. I have been on many dates where I have spent a very boring couple of hours listening to how perfect the ex was. She was a brilliant mother, career woman, cook, had the cleanest house in the world, you shared the most amazing sex life, etc. Clearly this woman wore a cape and her knickers outside her tights. Yawn.

Everyone take note – this conversation clearly indicates a lack of basic intelligence on your part. Obviously you were with Wonder Woman/Man and must have been a really bad husband/wife/partner or you would still be with them. Not a great advertisement wouldn’t you agree.

Lastly you have just me that I could never live up to your ex and you are clearly not over them yet. Hey great start, very well done, I’ll just get my coat.

2. Depression or Health Issues – if you suffer from depression or other health issues the first date is not the right time to discuss them. Yes it may be important for your date to find out about if you continue seeing each other but give them a chance to get to know you a little first.

Talking about clinical depression or other illness is simply giving them a reason not to want to see you again, at a time when they are just trying to find out the basics about you. First dates should be a positive experience and not a deep heart to heart conversation.

3. Financial or Career Difficulties – these are personal issues that should never be discussed with a new date. If you talk about them you are sending very negative signals, these issues suggest you do not have control over your life and would make anyone nervous about entering a relationship with you.

Discussing careers should be restricted to general chat, if you hate your career or are currently suing your employer then simply gloss over that when asked about your career and say you are currently looking to change career and then talk about what you would like to do as a career in the future.

This keeps the conversation light and positive, which is always more attractive than hearing about your bitch of a colleague or your bullying boss.

Discussing finances sends all sorts of signals, from “they are loaded and think I just want their money” to “will I have to pay for all our dates if I get involved with them?” or “are they hinting they want me to help them out”. Simply avoid discussing finance at all.

4. Bad Dating Luck – telling someone that you only ever meet wasters or tarts is a very bad idea.

Firstly you are indirectly suggesting they are probably a waster or tart, because that is the only type of person you seem to meet.

Secondly they will question what it is about you that these people are attracted to or what it is about you that seems to be attractive to them.

We all have bad dating experiences and sometimes we have a string of them. Talking light heartedly about the occasional nightmare date is fine but to suggest a string of unsuccessful dates is simply suggesting there is something unattractive about you.

5. Future Relationship Plans – this goes both ways and either can put a new date off.

On a first date discussing going on holiday together or talking about the job prospects in your dates home town just smacks of desperation and a desperate person is not an attractive person. You may be totally smitten on your first date but leave the wedding plans until you at least know a little more about them, specifically if they are also smitten with you.

Also making a big thing about telling your date you don’t ever want to get married or settle down is not at all appealing. You may as well just say “I am not emotionally available but if you fancy a casual affair then I’m your man/woman”. It is also like a red reg to a bull for some people, they become determined to be the one to change your mind so you could be creating the very situation you are trying to avoid.

You may see it as being up front and truthful but it can surely wait until after the first date. If nothing else it is very arrogant to assume that everyone you go on a date with see’s you as potential marriage material.

6. Sex – some people love to talk about it and some don’t like to discuss it at all but on a first date you don’t know how to read them well enough to know when they feel uncomfortable or you have crossed a line.

They may just be discussing the topic because you are, while all the time thinking ‘get me out of here’. It is one thing to be a little flirty and suggestive but discussing your favourite position or an ex partners fetish is a total no-no on a first date, no matter how funny it seems.

Something as simple as recounting a funny story which involves you at some point having sex with someone else is just a total turn off for someone that doesn’t know.