Comments on: Abusive Relationships – Where to get help http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/ Fri, 02 Sep 2011 16:02:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Sally http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-5402 Sally Sun, 12 Jun 2011 21:17:11 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-5402 Hi Anonymous Offering a woman you care for a FWB relationship because you won't walk away from your marriage is not very flattering. Sounds like you want your cake and to eat it too. Wouldn't it be the honourable thing to do to end your marriage and then embark on a romantic relationship with this woman? Hi Anonymous

Offering a woman you care for a FWB relationship because you won’t walk away from your marriage is not very flattering.

Sounds like you want your cake and to eat it too. Wouldn’t it be the honourable thing to do to end your marriage and then embark on a romantic relationship with this woman?

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-5389 Anonymous Sat, 11 Jun 2011 10:35:45 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-5389 Hi, I need a little advice around a dilema.... I have a good friend. We've know each other about 7 years... We mainly talk via phone call and text and occasionally see each other... About 3 years ago we both realised that we were attracted to each other and there was a spark... She admitted that the reason we didnt meet much was because she was scared of what would happen physically as she said she want to hug me kiss me and would want more. I have strong feelings for her and unfortunately I am in a dead end marriage, I've not been happy for years and I rarely see my wife. Over the past 48 hours the contact has been intense and she has made a lot of admission towards her feelings etc. her issue quite rightly is the fact i'm married etc. Ive told her she had no worries as obviously the marriage has died and what choices i make are mine and for me to deal with and not for her to hold herself accountable for blame. The issue is we both have a few friends the same. Neither of us want to loose the other, so I have considered FWB, although not suggested it... Im in a dilema cos she is special and dont want to loose her... She is talking about cutting herself out from her circle of friends and contact. She has some personal issues and im the only one she can talk too... What should I do... I dont want to loose her. Thanks Hi,

I need a little advice around a dilema…. I have a good friend. We’ve know each other about 7 years… We mainly talk via phone call and text and occasionally see each other…

About 3 years ago we both realised that we were attracted to each other and there was a spark… She admitted that the reason we didnt meet much was because she was scared of what would happen physically as she said she want to hug me kiss me and would want more.

I have strong feelings for her and unfortunately I am in a dead end marriage, I’ve not been happy for years and I rarely see my wife.

Over the past 48 hours the contact has been intense and she has made a lot of admission towards her feelings etc.

her issue quite rightly is the fact i’m married etc. Ive told her she had no worries as obviously the marriage has died and what choices i make are mine and for me to deal with and not for her to hold herself accountable for blame.

The issue is we both have a few friends the same. Neither of us want to loose the other, so I have considered FWB, although not suggested it… Im in a dilema cos she is special and dont want to loose her… She is talking about cutting herself out from her circle of friends and contact. She has some personal issues and im the only one she can talk too…

What should I do… I dont want to loose her.

Thanks

]]> By: Sally http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-2946 Sally Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:24:54 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-2946 Hi Susie We all need a moaning time sometimes and you're more than welcome to moan to me. I'm afraid most abusers work the same wayusing moments of utter kindness and love to make us think they are a nice person and we must be doing something wrong. Learning to trust again is a slow process and has more to do with our own confidence than the actions of others. We can only e victims if we allow ourselves to be and once we truely understand that and refuse to be a victim anymore we can get on with life .... with confidence. Hi Susie

We all need a moaning time sometimes and you’re more than welcome to moan to me.

I’m afraid most abusers work the same wayusing moments of utter kindness and love to make us think they are a nice person and we must be doing something wrong.

Learning to trust again is a slow process and has more to do with our own confidence than the actions of others. We can only e victims if we allow ourselves to be and once we truely understand that and refuse to be a victim anymore we can get on with life …. with confidence.

]]> By: susie http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-2937 susie Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:27:45 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-2937 i was in a domestic abuse in the 90`s five long years until i got the legal folk in i kept thinking hes telling the truth he will change he brinwashed me begged me to marry him he promised he`d stop drinking if i married him why was i so dumb lack of sleep i never got peace to sleep a whole night he was up music on washing machine on he slept all day when i was at work he bought me presents with a monthly payment card he ruined me i`d been single all that time met a fella last year for 5 month he was a conman i pick them iv lots of friends now but no one close as i can`t trust, my friends all live in a different area the one i live in is`nt friendly they look down their nose at me i work hard i pay my mortgage i don`t get a new car every 3 year i`d rather keep paying my house off i need to moan every now and again im trying hard to forget its a full moon tonight moaning time i was in a domestic abuse in the 90`s five long years until i got the legal folk in i kept thinking hes telling the truth he will change he brinwashed me begged me to marry him he promised he`d stop drinking if i married him why was i so dumb lack of sleep i never got peace to sleep a whole night he was up music on washing machine on he slept all day when i was at work he bought me presents with a monthly payment card he ruined me i`d been single all that time met a fella last year for 5 month he was a conman i pick them iv lots of friends now but no one close as i can`t trust, my friends all live in a different area the one i live in is`nt friendly they look down their nose at me i work hard i pay my mortgage i don`t get a new car every 3 year i`d rather keep paying my house off i need to moan every now and again im trying hard to forget its a full moon tonight moaning time

]]> By: nicole@background check http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-2502 nicole@background check Fri, 25 Sep 2009 03:15:04 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-2502 Its true, being into an abusive relationship will start to remove all your confidence, you feel too small, incapable and most of the time always asking yourself what have you done to be into this miserable situation. I can relate to the author as some of my friends are sharing the same ordeal. I would recommend this article for them to read and obtain help and ideas how to cope and regain their confidence again... Its true, being into an abusive relationship will start to remove all your confidence, you feel too small, incapable and most of the time always asking yourself what have you done to be into this miserable situation. I can relate to the author as some of my friends are sharing the same ordeal. I would recommend this article for them to read and obtain help and ideas how to cope and regain their confidence again…

]]> By: Sally http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-2487 Sally Wed, 23 Sep 2009 12:31:51 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-2487 Hi Engel While I agree with you I really don't see how you can check if someone you are chatting to online has a history of abusive behaviour (unless they have been arrested and charged with violent offences). One sign I would suggest watching out for is controlling behaviour. If they get angry, upset or quiet when you say you have been out with friends or if you are not online when they expect you to be .. this is not a good sign. Hi Engel

While I agree with you I really don’t see how you can check if someone you are chatting to online has a history of abusive behaviour (unless they have been arrested and charged with violent offences).

One sign I would suggest watching out for is controlling behaviour. If they get angry, upset or quiet when you say you have been out with friends or if you are not online when they expect you to be .. this is not a good sign.

]]> By: Engel@background check http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-2471 Engel@background check Fri, 18 Sep 2009 03:25:13 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-2471 Most abusers are really sweet when they are not attacked by anger or if they are not influenced by any substances such as drugs or alcohol. Sometimes, this kind of personality is already a behavior problem and needs some therapy or psychologist to cure. Maybe these people have past issues that has affected them throughout their lives and has affected their behavior and the way they have relationships with people. There are many people like this. So before dating someone, make sure that you do some kind of personal investigations on the background of that person in order to know more about his or her past. Most abusers are really sweet when they are not attacked by anger or if they are not influenced by any substances such as drugs or alcohol. Sometimes, this kind of personality is already a behavior problem and needs some therapy or psychologist to cure. Maybe these people have past issues that has affected them throughout their lives and has affected their behavior and the way they have relationships with people. There are many people like this. So before dating someone, make sure that you do some kind of personal investigations on the background of that person in order to know more about his or her past.

]]> By: Sally http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-1498 Sally Wed, 29 Apr 2009 02:01:13 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-1498 Hi John, yes it is a very common problem with abusers, they can be so utterly charming after their temper has died down and because victims want to be loved they often fall for the smoochy side. Of course the fact that your abuser has you so convinved you can't really understand the world without them it makes it so much easier for them to charm you again. Hi John, yes it is a very common problem with abusers, they can be so utterly charming after their temper has died down and because victims want to be loved they often fall for the smoochy side. Of course the fact that your abuser has you so convinved you can’t really understand the world without them it makes it so much easier for them to charm you again.

]]> By: john@fixed assets http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-1474 john@fixed assets Tue, 28 Apr 2009 14:07:08 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-1474 Some really good advice on an important subject. I have a close friend who was once the victim of abuse from her longstanding boyfriend, and she held off doing anything for a long time because she couldn't separate the abuse from the fact that he continued to show love towards her. I think this is pretty common - an abusive partner is rarely a one dimensional "bad guy", people are often loving and hurtful at different times, and it's important to realise this to make the "enough is enough" decision. Some really good advice on an important subject. I have a close friend who was once the victim of abuse from her longstanding boyfriend, and she held off doing anything for a long time because she couldn’t separate the abuse from the fact that he continued to show love towards her. I think this is pretty common – an abusive partner is rarely a one dimensional “bad guy”, people are often loving and hurtful at different times, and it’s important to realise this to make the “enough is enough” decision.

]]> By: Steve@Police Boots http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/abusive-relationships-where-to-get-help/comment-page-1/#comment-360 Steve@Police Boots Fri, 06 Feb 2009 06:27:02 +0000 http://www.country-couples.co.uk/datingtips/?p=106#comment-360 Great resources you posted. I hope that it helps someone. Great resources you posted. I hope that it helps someone.

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