Loading ...Flirting is the Key to Dating
Flirting is one of the most difficult things to judge, are they interested in you or just being friendly? Most people are afraid of rejection so can ignore flirt signals in an attempt not to make a mistake but flirting is the key to finding that special someone.
Flirting goes back to the beginning of life on earth, both for animals and humans. It is how you attract a mate and 90% of flirting is pure body language. Think of how animals attract a mate, they puff themselves up and dance, fight to prove their strength or just plain show off. Now I am not suggesting you cover yourself in feathers and do a mating dance in the office so the guy from accounting notices you (okay he would definately notice but not in a good way) but I am suggesting you think about the signs and signals you give out and receive.
Europe in the 1800’s had an entire science for flirting, a ladies fan flicked in a certain way was a signal to a suitor that she was receptive to his advances. In 2008 we have no such science and often have to rely on courage and confidence.
Ask yourself can you tell when someone is telling a bold faced lie? Most of us can because we read the signals, the lack of eye contact, the reddening of the face, fidgeting, etc, so why do so many people find it difficult to read flirting signals?
Mistakes in flirting can send out the wrong signals and quash any hopes of attracting the person, these include:
1. Flirting in a group. You are with your friends and start sending signals to someone across the room but do not extract yourself from the group, this does not give the person any opportunity to approach you.
2. Ignoring them. This simply does not work at such an early stage, they will see this as lack of interest.
3. Negative body language. Folding your arms, looking around the room, yawning, etc. You may think you are playing hard to get but your body is saying “I’m not interested”.
4. Talking about your ex - this is a huge turn off. It may even be a simple comment like “oh my ex used to play rugby too”, in an attempt to keep a conversation going but the ex is not a subject to discuss under any circumstances at the flirting stage.
5. Forced flirting. By this I mean overdoing things, trying to push things along more quickly than is natural. Flirting is a game, a dance between two people and should flow naturally. Let it progress at it’s own pace and enjoy the buzz.
So how can you tell if someone is flirting is with you or just being friendly? Some signals are unique to men or women, I shall discuss these in a following post but signals that are shared by men and women include:
1. Making positive eye contact and then quickly looking away. Check out your friends, they will maintain eye contact so you can tell the difference between friends and flirting by this signal.
2. Leaning in. We all lean in at times when we talk to our friends, if we are discussing something sensitive or are in a noisy environment but if they lean in when you are alone, discussing sport and there is no noise it is a sure sign. The most obvious sign is if they lean in when they laugh, this will usually be an exaggerated action coupled with touch, usually touching the arm.
3. Come to bed eyes. This is strong eye contact, with softening of the eyes and a broad smile.
4. Embarrassment. If for no reason someone you know starts to become quiet around you, goes red, pulls away if you brush against them or finds it hard to make eye contact, this is a sign they are attracted to you.
5. Laughing too much. You tell a joke and they laugh just a little too long and too hard.
6. Fascination with everything you say. You can be talking about changing the oil in your car but they are glued to your every word.
One of the best ways to learn to read these signals is to watch people that are in a new relationship, see how they take every opportunity to touch each other, they talk as though nobody else is in the room and notice the subtle changes in their eyes and facial expressions.
It is also worth noting negative body language, watch people on a date where clearly one is attracted and the other isn’t. One will lean in and the other will lean back, glancing around the room or at their watch.
Also watch friends and how their body language signals their genuine friendship, this helps you to learn the difference between friendly signals and flirting signals.
Beware of overdoing flirting, too much of anything is a turn off and may get you a single night of passion with someone that couldn’t care less about you but it is unlikely to go any further. If you are a constant and bold flirt you will be seen more of a sexual predator and not as a potential partner.
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